Mother And Child Reunion

The truth is that the connection between a child and its first mother is profound.

The pull to repeat a pattern of giving birth and then relinquishing is common down the line from first mothers/adoptees to their children or grandchildren.  I certainly believe that as I have seen it in my own family.  Repeating the pattern is unconscious, yet very real.

It is often an attempt to condone the original relinquishment.  With two parents who were both adoptees, relinquishment was seen as a “natural” occurrence within my family. By repeating that pattern, we were in effect, making valid what happened to our own parents.  By encouraging my sister to give up her daughter for adoption, my mom may have been unconsciously trying to validate what happened to her own self as an infant. To make it somehow “right”.

The reunion of a child with its natural mother often has a calming effect.  I believe that meeting her genetic family allowed my niece to feel more “right” with her own body image.  Both my mom and my niece had similar disconsonant relationships with their adoptive mothers due to a difference in their natural body types.

There is a release of tension and a renewal of life in reconnecting with one’s origins when they have been cut assunder. Reunions can help all of the adoptee’s relationships including that with their adoptive parents.

One should know that searching for the natural mother IS in the best interest of the adoptee. There may be anxiety and the outcome may not match expectations. Searches are difficult for everyone
concerned but I am grateful that my niece’s adoptive father supported her need to know. All adoptees have been hurt and all are suffering, even if the situation was good and the suffering is largely unconscious.

Musician Paul Simon has a song on the theme.  Some of the lyrics are –

No I would not give no false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away

Oh, little darling of mine, I can’t for the life of me
Remember a sadder day, that now they say let be
Just don’t count on me and the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

No I would not give no false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away

Oh, little darling of mine, I just can’t believe it’s so
Though it seems strange to say, I never been laid so low
Such a mysterious way and the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

 

7 thoughts on “Mother And Child Reunion

  1. My mom has transitioned yet I can certainly tell you energetically we are still connected. I was just searching online for a picture of a mother and child for an article. The song Mother and child Reunion popped up. I never heard the song before but it was the type of music my mother liked.. born in the late 50’s and was a 70’s teenager. Well, she was a gifted singer and we still connect through music. I know she sent this song to me. And this article to me to let me know I am not alone in my feelings. I woke up this morning feeling like ” i’m gonna harden my heart, I’m gonna swallow my tears’…The Mother and Daughter Reunion was her answer to me.. Wants me to lighten my mood. I am so thankful for all the little confirmations. This blog post being one of them.

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    1. Wow !! Thank you. I’m a believer. I felt a very strong connection to my mom after she passed – she was encouraging me all the time because I fell into a very challenging situation as regards my family. She was a singer too. I was so overwhelmed for a long time that I didn’t even have time or space to grieve. Then one day hiking in the forest listening to Celine Dion I started to cry to “My Heart Will Go On.” Yes, messages come if our hearts are open to receive them. I believe in that and thank for sharing your story with me this Mother’s Day when my thoughts are strongly on my own mom now in heaven. I know that “harden my heart” song but just don’t. Keep it soft and open. Your mom would want that for you. I’m certain.

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      1. Thank you so much! I am happy to see that others are experiencing what I am/ have. That song by Paul Simon was her way of telling me just that ( don’t harden your heart)- she was also letting me know that although others feel I should “let it go”- that it just doesn’t work out that way. We will forever be connected until we reunite as I am very open to it and she wishes to watch and protect me through this journey…Thank you for this post and for your experience!

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      2. She is correct – it doesn’t work out that way. The sorrow lessens but the missing never goes away. It also occurred to me after I replied to you that I am of the same generation your mother was. Born in 1954, graduated high school in 1972. Gave birth to my daughter in 1973. My mom gave birth to me at age 16, conceived while she was still in high school and my dad had just started college in another town about an hour away. So happy that what I wrote had meaning for you and your own life’s experiences.

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      3. Wow… my mom was born on 01/26/54… she had me young at 18 my dad from Haiti was just 17. Thank you for sharing! We were meant to have this conversation as confirmation to each other of things we know well within.. Thank you!!!

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      4. Nice to meet a kindred soul. My birthday is this month – on the 27th. It is always nice to have confirmation when what we know is not necessarily accepted by the masses at this time. Happy to have these exchanges with you.

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      5. Happy Birthday In Advance!! Yes it really is nice. The best thing about the truth however is that it needs no proof…it just is… but its really nice that spirit is loving enough to give us confirmation ❤

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