It wasn’t God who called upon you to adopt, though you might prefer to believe that.
“I wanted to have a child to love me and I couldn’t seem to have that with my own body.”
“I wanted to do those things with my children that everyone else was doing – the parties, the sports, the performances, the popularity – that some children shine at, and to shine in their reflected glory.”
Stop making God the scapegoat for your own desires. You did what YOU wanted to do for your own selfish reasons. Before adopting, every couple should first come to terms with the reality of their infertility and then, consider the choices available to them to fulfill their desires.
When my husband finally decided he wanted children after 10 years of marriage, and by then we were already in our forties, it became clear that we could not conceive without assistance; and so, we considered briefly whether or not we should adopt.
We decided against it and now that I know more about everything related, I am glad we made the choice we did, even though it is rather a complicated situation.