You Have To Get Over It And Connect

If you gave up a child to adoption, regardless of the reasons and whether it was totally your own choice or someone pressured you to do so, you have to get over the trauma and connect if the opportunity for a reunion comes your way.

Today, I was reading about the unbelievable pain that a young woman is experiencing.  She is an adoptee and her original mother lives in the same city and refuses to have any contact with her.  She lives in total fear of an unintended encounter and how painful it would be to be snubbed in person.

One such mother shared – about how she thought about the daughter she gave up all the time.  I don’t doubt it.  A piece of a mother’s heart is torn out with any surrender.  Deep down she always did hope her daughter would get in touch with her once she was grown.  The day came.  She  got a Facebook message from her daughter.  Next, the Face Time started to ring and she just froze.  Unbelievably, she couldn’t answer the phone.

Fortunately, her daughter was persistent.  She called 5 times in a row before this mom had the guts to pick up.  She acknowledges how selfish and f’ed up that was.  She admits that the anxiety of talking to or eventually seeing her was just so overwhelming.  She understands now in hindsight that the reaction comes from a place of fear and self protection.

The story does have a happy ending and an encouragement for other women who might be in the same situation.  Once they got past that initial step, now they talk every day.  And even though they live 100s of miles apart, they find a way to meet face to face on a regular basis.

Don’t let fear keep you apart.  The only way to heal is to reconnect.

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