The Sad Fact of Rehoming

A women writes – “I used to be a support coordinator for developmental disabilities, I saw people put their kids in medical group homes. I can not fathom making that choice. Of course parenting kids with medical needs is hard, that’s what home health support is for. If you’ve made money off your parenting, you should actually parent.”

One person quoted from an article: “With international adoption, sometimes there’s unknowns and things that are not transparent on files and things like that,” James Stauffer said. “Once ‘H’ came home, there was a lot more special needs that we weren’t aware of and that we were not told.”

The issue is a couple that re-homed their adopted son because he had developmental disabilities.  The woman quoting the article commented on the issue – “Oh, cool, I wasn’t aware that if you gave birth to a kid, you have some sort of guarantee that nothing ever will happen in that human’s life that will require more than Leave it to Beaver style parenting. Sorry this kid didn’t fit into your perfect little mold and dared to be human and have problems. Hope none of your kids born to you biologically get into a car accident or come down with a serious illness or get cancer. Cause clearly you’ll just dump them, too??? Yeah. Probably not.”

Another woman wrote – “My daughter has autism and she’s the most honest, compassionate, nature loving and sweetest girl I’ve ever meet. I’m glad that I changed my mind on adoption and even more so now!”

I remember my OB having “the conversation” with us about “possibilities” such as this woman shares –  “I was told my oldest had Down Syndrome. (Mind you we were teenagers when we found out we were expecting.)”

“My OB said it does not matter how I feel about it but you do have options. I remember looking at her and asking what she meant. And she said well some people cannot handle finding out their child is not ‘standard’ so they chose to abort or put up for adoption. I remember how crushed she looked telling me.”

“I said nope absolutely not. He is us and we are him and we will figure it out together He was perfect and healthy and no Down syndrome.”

“My aunt fostered special needs kids, I fell in love with “J” and wanted my parents to adopt him. He was so fun and loving and knew no meanness or sadness. I won a young authors contest writing about him. I’ll always hold him close to my heart.”

When I was a teenager, I volunteered at a summer camp for special needs kids.  It was a life-changing experience for me.  My husband and I have worked for most of our business life together in various aspects associated with our county’s sheltered workshop.

To Imagine Disability Otherwise, a TEDtalk. This woman was my sister-in-law in my first marriage. Her child was born before my daughter with severe birth defects. This led her to make disabilities her life’s work. She has a strong belief in supporting conventional lifestyles for disabled people.  I am proud to know where her life took her.

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