An adoptive parent shares that one year, for Christmas, they did DNA through Ancestry.com to “see how unique” their family is. Hard to believe that it never occurred the them that their adopted son would use the online tool to find his genetic family.
That was a year and a half ago, when he was barely 16 years old. When they learned about it, they asked him to discontinue contact with his birth parents and to wait until he was 18. They indicated that, at that point, they would be fully supportive of him.
However, he didn’t stop talking to his birth father through texts and has shared some personal information that they were not aware of regarding his marijuana use, which is legal in their state after the age of 21. He indicated it helped him with his mental health issues.
The adoptive parents texted the birth parents asking them to stop contacting their son until he turned 18. Their perspective is that the kinds of people who place their children for adoption are not in good circumstances (whatever they think that means). They believed that what they were doing was protecting their son from whatever they believe about the birth parents.
However, that did not stop the adopted son’s birth father from being in contact with him. This makes them feel disrespected by both their 17-1/2 year old son and his birth father. They are turning to a family counselor for assistance.
A thought . . . from an adoptee – he will resent his adoptive parents for keeping his birth parents from him. My adoptive parents also declined my mom reaching out to me before I was 18 and I can only imagine how my life would have been so different knowing her and my sisters most of my life.
Someone else notices the dis-connect – They deliberately gifted their adopted child a DNA test and access to Ancestry.com and they’re completely blindsided by the fact that he found biological relatives during this process??? I’m utterly boggled.
Missing Mom 