An adult adoptee expresses how she feels –
Here it is in a nutshell. All I ever really wanted was to feel clean on the inside and I tried a lot of things to make that happen.
And it all boils down to not being able to untwist the core lie my whole existence on this planet this time around is based in and on.
Confusion is not a safe feeling. If you don’t feel safe your thinking processes are affected. You do things you wouldn’t do or not do things you would if you felt safe. The worst part is that you never knew why you never felt safe. It wasn’t a thought you could think through because the consequence of my honesty may mean abandonment.
I was stuck in a web of lies. Caught up in someone’s fantasy. A brain pickled in cortisol and oxytocin deprived. Being told this is gods will and how much I was loved yet no one would answer my questions.
And here we are today. After the truth set me free by opening the door to the demons I knew were lurking there. These were some hard core demons and then there were the encouragers and then there were none.
And here I am standing here loving me. I will be 72 in September, and I have learned to love me because I can love others better that way.
Now WTF do I need to do to get this adhd under control.
Missing Mom 