Previous Experience

Today’s story – An adoptive parent previously adopted 2 siblings. A year later, their biological mom gave birth. So this adoptive parent took placement of the new baby and baby has been with them for over two years. It’s looking like a reunification with the child’s mother will take place in 4 months. The adoptive parent is worried about any continuing contact after reunification and thinks it’d be too hard for the adopted children to see their sibling but not be living with them. The adopted kids are in therapy but they struggle with so much already.

So this person had questions – Would a clean break be better for the adoptees ? One of them worries about the “bad” life the sibling would have after reunification because they didn’t have a good life with their biological parent. They are worried that their parent didn’t really change and don’t want to see their sibling hurt. What would you want in this situation, if you were the adopted kids ?

In response, there was this heart wrenching plea – Please allow them to keep in contact. My youngest brother was adopted, we barely got to see each other growing up. He killed himself and we can never get those years back. He may still be alive today, if my 2 other siblings and myself were able to remain actively in his life to give him a support network beyond his adoptive parent.

From another adoptee – There’s no such thing as a clean cut/clean break. From someone who’s natural mom was told it was the best thing for me, it absolutely was not. While I don’t have known natural siblings, I would assume the same is true for siblings. Keep. All. Family. Ties. ALL OF THEM. The ONLY acceptable reason for a foster parent or adoptive parent to EVER cut ties is that the child of the natural parent is unsafe, if there was contact – and even then, it’s almost never going to mean completely cutting them off. There is the possibility of limited or supervised visits between them.

From an adoptee’s personal experience – I have siblings that were adopted by other homes and my sister got to go back to live with our mom eventually. We were unable to keep in contact before I was 19 because I wasn’t allowed. I’d give anything to have those years with my sister back. I think having my sister accessible would have been better for me, even if we couldn’t live with each other. Someone who looked like me. Had the same memories. Loved the same people. Had the same family. I think it would have been beneficial.

Giving Your Child Away

An adoptee asks – I wonder if it would make a difference if instead of ‘giving up for adoption’, it was changed to ‘giving your child away’? One person noted – “A pig wearing lipstick is still a pig.”

A mother of loss writes – The language is controlled by those who have the power, ie the adoption industry… That’s why everything is a euphemism and double speak. Of course, if it was called “giving your child away to strangers and causing them trauma” – we would never be able to be convinced it was the best for them.

Another adoptee writes – I was not “given up for adoption”…. I was “abandoned.” Nobody would’ve cared to find out what happened to me. In response, someone else writes – “There’s active trauma and inactive trauma. At before the active trauma of adoptee occurs, there’s the inactive trauma of abandonment.. I was removed as a teen and it makes me wonder if I had told earlier then I might have a different label. I’m not a former foster care youth or an adoptee because the system never found me a new home. ‘Abandoned and at risk for homelessness’ [I was homeless]. I tell myself it’s a blessing in disguise, but I feel abandoned twice – by both my mother and again by the system.”

Another mother of loss due to coercion writes – I think depending on the way it is said is what allows people to understand circumstances… I could say “my child was stolen/taken” that relates to coercion/manipulation or kidnapping that CPS (Child Protective Services/Div of Child and Family Services) likes to partake in (which is what happened to me, I was coerced). I could say “I gave my child up for adoption” that relates to willingly having my child adopted for whatever reason. I could say “my child was adopted” that could mean anything. like neglect, CPS involvement, kinship adoption, regular private adoption, foster to adopt situation without CPS involvement, anything…

A former foster care youth shares – I don’t know for sure if it would. I always said I was thrown away because my parents willingly signed me over when I was 14. Whenever I approach them about what they put me through, they brush me off and avoid the subject. I think a lot of people knew exactly what they were doing, and just didn’t care. Even so, there are circumstances where it’s an understandable decision, don’t get me wrong.

One person notes – In most jurisdiction, “abandonment” of a child is a crime. Relinquishment procedures legalize this crime. It would change a lot if we do away with the relinquishment process.

One adoptee writes – I always tell people I was sold and then people get all hurt about it. It’s really not far off…. my aunt offered to take me in, my biological mom agreed but then, ran off. Next thing my aunt heard is I was adopted and my biological mom got a lot out of it.

Another mother of loss shares – I tell people “I was not allowed to parent my child and lost her to adoption”.

A birth mother admits – Every situation is so different. I think the phrases that are used aren’t accurately interchangeable. In my case, I feel the phrase “sacrificed motherhood” is most accurate. However I know other first/birth mothers that “giving up” is more accurate. I’m positive that some would fall under that category… “giving your child away” would be most appropriate. In my experience with connecting with mothers like myself, I find that the most predominant issues that lead to adoption is fear, low self esteem, religious intolerance (groomed from religious indoctrination that is adoptive agency predatory), outright manipulation, and early childhood abuse that leads to the adoption paradigm.

One adoptee shares – I was not given up for adoption. I was taken by my grandmother against my mother’s will and given away to punish her for getting pregnant at 14. Oh, and she made her birth me vaginally without medication for the same reason. And my brother (trans-racial South Korean adoptee) was straight up fucking kidnapped and sold across the world by his pos biological dad. He found his birth mother 3 years ago through a 30 year old missing child poster. Another person replied to that – “I wouldn’t even call myself an adoptee. I would say human trafficking survivor, because that is insane… reminds me of another person I know who had something illegal and similar happen to them.”

One adoptee suggested the sentence – “Letting your child be raised by strangers”. Yet another adoptee writes – I tell people I was sold to the highest bidder. Essentially how it feels. I spent years being told that I was rescued from a life of poverty, and I should have been grateful. As an adult, I realized I was raised by a person who had more money but didn’t love me. My birth parents had a modest living and lots of love for me.

A first mom notes – I did not give my son away – he was taken from me without my consent!

To which another first mom (NM) really gets into it all – we don’t “give” our children away freely. Our child is also not a “gift”. “Give up” is another way of saying “surrender”. Surrender is the final, hopeless act of “the defeated enemy” who has been relentlessly attacked during warfare. “The defeated enemy” surrenders by raising a white flag to beg for mercy, to signal their hopeless defeat with dejected humiliation and a hung head. Make no mistake: birth mothers are treated as the enemy. They are told in no uncertain terms that they are “the enemy” to their own child and that strangers will be “better” for the child. Single moms, especially BIPOC moms are policed by foster care and society in a truly heartless and relentless way. Infant adoption agency “social workers” are paid handsomely to covertly wage war on a vulnerable mom. They present themselves as compassionate help, while secretly and tactically convincing her to “freely relinquish” her rights. Maybe change the language to “Adoptive Parents” (AP) pay people to “shake down” and “intimidate” vulnerable, young, poor women in crisis, and they “extort” a baby from her in exchange for its “protection”. Agencies have tactical manuals that have been developed over years of trial and error and are filled with marketing language that helps them wage this war. The primary objective of an agency is separation and destruction of the first family— for their own financial gain. They are mercenaries, paid by adoptive parents. Sometimes these agents believe their own lies— they see the birth mom as a dangerous enemy to her own child, and they imagine themselves as a savior to that child. Usually, APs never see how their dollars fuel this attack, this warfare, on the first family. They just thank the lord that somehow “fate” delivers them an “abandoned baby” who was “destined” to be theirs. And no one addresses the hallow, rubble of a mess left after the NM holds her baby in the air and says “Stop – Please for the sake of the baby – please make them safe.” Once a mother is stripped of her child, there is literally nothing left in her life. I left the hospital and felt like a bag full of crushed glass. Every step I took, I felt like people could surely hear the noise of broken shards shaking around inside of me. I was shattered, and hallow, and utterly alone in the rubble of my defeat. I did give up. I didn’t fight hard enough. I was alone in the aftermath; but many many many people walked alongside me to bully me into that outcome. I say it over and over and over again: it takes a village to raise a child… but it also takes an entire village to separate a mother from her child. Judges, lawyers, doctors, nurses, my own family, my friends all contributed to the final outcome: my surrender. Are there moms who literally abandon their children? Yes. But they are a rare exception. Most birth moms who “give” our baby to another family via domestic infant adoption (DIA) are victims of strategic warfare that extracts a “valuable resource” and coerces a vulnerable person to “freely surrender” that resource, so they can turn around and sell it for a very high price. The entire DIA Adoption industry is built around selling children to the highest bidder (APs). Maybe change the language to: NMs “lose their child” to heartless grifters and child traffickers disguised as “social servants”. And start calling APs what they are: purchasers who fuel a “blood diamonds” of baby trafficking. And start calling adoption agencies what they are: the morphia, grifters, child traffickers.

How Did It Happen To You ?

In a group I am part of, a mother asked – Is there any birth parents in here that didn’t want to do adoption and was forced into the decision and in a way destroyed them and need some support ? I’m trying to find someone similar to my situation as there’s no support groups.

Some responses – The Dept of Human Services stole my kids when they were younger. Another woman notes – my grandson was stolen too.

One woman notes a handful of support groups that she is aware of on Facebook – “Birth Moms Support Group”, “Birth Moms Today”, “Find Birth Parents, Siblings, Adoptees and Family”, “Birth Mothers Support Group” and “Caring for Birthmothers Support Group”. To which the woman who first asked responds – I mean yes but not Child Protective Services (CPS) related or parents who had many years to raise said child. For me, it wasn’t a choice. I mean I’ve been looking but nothing seems to fit my actual situation. I haven’t found a single parent until I made this post.

One adoptee noted that the mother would be hard pressed to find sympathy there, especially from the adoptee members. There are other groups that might be more understanding.

Another suggested – “Birth Moms Broken” or “Birth Moms Forced Adoption”. When someone else suggested – Just type in ‘ birth parents support group’. Several options come up. Another woman shared – you have to be careful. I left one when I found out they have agency workers in there.

One suggested a group that I have a lot of appreciation for LINK>Saving Our Sisters. She also suggested Anti-CPS groups, saying that “there’s more than you may realize”. The woman who first asked rejects Anti-CPS groups because they are mostly about CPS cases. To which someone else responds – I don’t think you realize how much you are in the same boat with parents fighting with CPS. They are coerced into signing their rights away. Most of those cases are against low income parents who were not guilty of abuse and who don’t have the financial means to hire a good attorney. She then suggests – Another one that comes to mind is “Concerned United Birthparents”. My thought process has always been that if there were more unity, instead of focus on the differences, more could get changed.

Here’s one who had the experience – They made the decision for me. They separated us all. I had a high fever in November of 2015. The teacher got my daughter. Div of Children and Families some Academy School teachers wanted my children. I was labeled delusional due to my fever which was 103.3 to 104 degrees for 3 weeks. They had zero mercy.

The woman who first asked shares more – the foster parents had it out for me. They worked in the same office my case was out of and I was pushed into a corner, where I felt I had no choice. Everyone told me that if I didn’t, then it wouldn’t stop. That this was better.

Someone else shares – My girls got totally screwed being adopted. I thought I was doing the right thing but in the end, it was terrible for them…they got molested and the adopted mother covered it up. She had 14 kids that the state let her adopt. All of them. She made good money on that. To this day, she doesn’t take the younger kids to the doctor, feeds them crap food that’s not good for them . . . the list goes on and on. The things they did to my babies !

A couple of other support group suggestions – Adoption Knowledge Affiliates and National Association of Adoptees and Parents.

A Sad Truth

I read about this today – We adopted an 8 year old in June. She is not taking it very well. We decorated her room the way she asked. We are sending her to a fabulous school in September. We tell her we love her and we buy her toys. My parents came around with tons of gifts for her and my husband’s dad came to see her as well (his mother passed away).

She refuses to give her granny and grandpa a kiss. She refuses to call us mom and dad. We are trying to be patient but after waiting so long to have a child, we finally got a child but our child does not want us.

She thinks her mom is coming to get her. She was put into the system at the age of 6 due to neglect. Her mother is an alcoholic and her father isn’t around. Her mom forced her to steal alcohol and she got caught. I’m only sharing this because I don’t understand why our daughter does not want a regular mom and dad.

I just walked into her room to collect her laundry and saw her crying. When I asked her what the matter was, she told me that she has her own family who are her “real” family and my husband and I are a “pretend” family.

So, I came up with the idea of teaching her about ancestral magic. Maybe she will be able to feel a connection with her ancestors. That might help her feel that we are also a part of her biological family (watching over her). Do you think this might help ?

blogger’s note – I found this in a book advertisement – LINK>Ancestral Magic by Kirsten Riddle. Empower the here and now with enchanting guidance from your past family history. It is described as “A positive and practical guide to discovering not only your family roots but also your purpose and the magical healing energy available through connecting with your ancestors.”

On to some comments in the group where I saw this –

From a kinship adoptee – my heart breaks for this child. The void & sadness I felt from wanting my mom was almost too much to bear at times. I know what it’s like being that young & longing to be w my real mother.

From another adoptee – this is horrible to read. How do they expect this to go?? It’s a child. A human. Not a product. Ffs. And as a Christian, what if her real family is Christian and they’re going to be shoving this ‘ancestral magic’ nonsense down her throat? Nauseating. And trying to force her to KISS them??? They did that to my daughter who was medical kidnapped as a newborn and tried to force an adoption for 2.5 years and now she has cold sores every month. Sick people. Thank God my adoptive parents never forced me to KISS them, even as a newborn adoption just hugging makes me uncomfortable.

Another writes – Adoptive parents should go through mandatory counselling prior to adopting. This adoptive mother has no idea of the physiological damage she is causing that little girl. Its heart breaking.

Another person asks – so she wants to teach her about deceased ancestors to brainwash her from loving living ancestors ? This is disgusting.

An kinship adoptive parent and the sister of an adoptee suggests – how about some trauma therapy and empathy magic instead?

And a reality check – I understand they love her, but she is not just MAGICALLY your child. She is going through so much trauma being ripped away from her mom. I don’t know why this is a hard concept for this woman to understand.

One Strange Custody Battle

Read about this story that is in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette LINK>About 2 Priests who are seeking custody of a 2 year old child.

The parents, Jorden and Edgar Pauley, are 23 and 26. They recently celebrated the birth of their daughter, who is their second child. The family has been missing their 2-year-old son for over a year now. He is in the temporary legal custody of two priests at the nearby St Peter Catholic Church in Steubenville OH. It is an unusual and still ongoing court battle for custodial rights.

It started because the Pauleys sought assistance from the church to care for their son. “I feel like this is a very wrong thing for Catholics to do,” Ms. Pauley said. “I’ve never seen two people in the Catholic community want someone’s child that bad … they’ve torn my family apart.” Experts on Catholic Church tradition have never come across, or even heard of, a case like this.

Due to allegations made by the priests, a judge granted temporary custody specifying the child would live in the church rectory during the duration of the case. It’s been more than a year and a half since, and the drama continues to play out in court. Neither the Steubenville police nor the Jefferson County Department of Job and Family Services has substantiated any of the claims made in the priest’s legal filings.

In fact, the Jefferson County Department of Job and Family Services, which administers children services in the area, cleared the couple of having safety threats in their home and even lauded the couple as having “many strengths” in a letter from the agency dated November 2023. Even so, the child has not been returned to the Pauleys due to the ongoing court case.

The couple, who for financial reasons must represent themselves in court, claim this is a case of religious leaders overstepping their role, when they should have only been helping. In June 2022, the Pauleys moved to Steubenville from Wilkes Barre PA. Ms Pauley, who is adopted, said she wanted to start fresh with her husband amid a turbulent relationship with her family.

The Friendship Room is where the Pauleys met Fathers Huffman and Greer, who began helping the couple with money and baby formula, and by babysitting the boy. Neither Father Greer, Father Huffman nor the Steubenville Diocese has made any public statement regarding the case.

You can read more at the link to the newspaper article above.

Readjustment Time

Early this year my now 5 month old was removed from my home and put into the care of my mother by social services. We have since made major adjustments, done millions of assessments and classes and all things are looking positive for reunification come October time.

We are now looking into ways the ease the readjustment and reunification process, we have a photo of us hanging above her bed at my mum’s house that they say good morning and good night to every day, we have a photo book of photos with us with our daughter that my mum “reads” to her, we are rotating through plushies, blankets and toys that have our smell on them for her, we visit multiple days a week, we do skin to skin, we nap together, she visits us at our home often, we do snuggles after bath time, we never do any firsts (swimming, weaning, etc) without us present, we are looking into ways to keep consistency like staying with my parents regularly still when she’s back in our care and using the same childcare provider and professionals, and we spend days out together.

We are looking for more ways we can make the adjustment period easier and more natural for her, does anyone have any ideas?

No I will not go into any details about why she was taken from our care. It’s been stressful for all of us, and we have done everything we need to and more to make positive changes, so we can look after her in a more positive way. Social workers are very happy with us and everything is looking very positive for our family.

Now for readjustment.

About That Gap

When Child Protective Services (CPS) separates children from their family – a massive trauma is created in these children. Some people will say – “some parents are too harmful for their child to stay with them”. Understandably, those parents end up on the news. Those stories stick with you and legitimize the actions of CPS because these people are some sort of monsters.

Those people don’t realize that there’s a huge gap between “under-resourced parent” and “monster”, when we’re having conversations about family preservation.

Of course, we should always keep kids away from the “monsters” aka truly dangerous caregivers. But we also need to invest resources differently from how we’re currently doing it for all the rest of the cases where the parents need support to be the parents their children need.

The outcomes of foster care are FAR too dismal to justify the continued usage of the program the way it’s being done now. If removing kids from homes was such a positive thing, then a majority of them would be thriving members of the community, instead of having the high rates of harm they experience.

Please realize that those truly dangerous parents are only a fraction of the families who get torn apart by CPS.

One person shares – “My husband put it in perfect perspective for me a few years ago when he first saw a picture of me at about 18 months old (he already kinda knew the story). Flat out said “oh yeah! Blonde hair, blue eyes, mom didn’t have much of anything, dad wasn’t in the picture. You were prime real estate to be taken and sold”. blogger’s note – Exactly, my own mother’s pre-adoption story.

Picture of my mom at 6 months of age before she was adopted. Her mother was exploited by Georgia Tann for exactly the reasons that woman’s husband identified – “Blonde hair, blue eyes, mom didn’t have much of anything, dad wasn’t in the picture.” – though they were married, I will never know why he left her at 4 months pregnant and didn’t return after she gave birth to my mom and returned to Memphis from Virginia (where she was sent after he left her, to give birth out of the view of the family’s local neighbors).

The Chatter Is About Deportation

Someone asked for help to explain to an 11 yr old (who is only at the 3rd grade academically) about his biological father having been deported and this book was recommended, although the circumstances in the book’s story are not the same, it could be a conversation starter for this foster mother. A lot of noise this week about Mass Deportations if the election in November goes in a certain direction.

She mentions that he’s in therapy and his therapist is aware. The therapist suggested was that they tell him together, but that she should explain what the term deportation means ahead of time. She says, “I was able to do that by having a discussion about traveling and living in other countries.”

About this book – In this realistic and empowering tale, Carmen learns that through community and love, she can find strength in herself and maintain her connection with her Papi, who has been detained because of his immigration status. Carmen loves doing magic with her Papi. He can make sarapes fly. He can make rabbits vanish! But one day, her Papi vanishes. She is sad and scared when she learns he has been detained because he is an undocumented immigrant from Mexico. At first, Carmen’s family keeps Papi’s detention a secret, fearing that they might be judged negatively. As Carmen’s community becomes aware of their situation, they rally around her family with love. Carmen learns she can find strength in herself and maintain her connection with Papi, no matter what happens.

A note about the other “Something Happened” books, which present and explain sensitive and important events happening in communities across the United States and around the world. Told in clear, compelling stories, the books come with the authority of psychological expertise from the American Psychological Association. They include Something Happened in Our Town: A Child’s Story of Racial Injustice, which is a New York Times and #1 Indie Bound bestseller, and one of the American Library Association’s most banned books; Something Happened in Our Park: Standing Together After Gun Violence, which was nominated for The Goddard Riverside CBC Youth Book Prize for Social Justice.

Too Sad

Not The Boy In Today’s Story

From a foster parent who works at a residential center – There is a young teen boy who was adopted along with his 2 siblings. The adoptive parents are now refusing to let him come back into their home due to supposed “behaviors”. He is the sweetest kid and has had very few issues at the residential placement. The adoptive parents are at odds with the Div of Child Services (DCS). The adoptive mother wants the child to go back into group home, so she can retain her rights but she does not want to actually parent him. DCS wants reunification with adoptive family but the family is refusing. So, instead they are pushing for the child to have a chance with another foster family by terminating the adoptive parents’ rights, to enable him to potentially be adopted by another family. It is just heartbreaking. Neither option seems great to me. I want to advocate for this child’s best interests but I don’t know what that would be in this scenario.

First response from an adoptive parent – does the youth have an appointed lawyer ? This certainly seems like a situation where the youth needs a lawyer to advocate for what he wants. He should know that if he gets adopted by a different family, he will lose legal ties (and possibly visitation rights) to his siblings.

Another adoptive parent notes – Speaking from experience, in some situations it’s like parenting a Jekyll/Hyde personality when Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a factor, which this could very well be the case. Considering no one truly knows what the “behaviors” of this child are, it’s not helpful to speculate and assign blame. In some circumstances, it’s legally safer for the other family members to be protected and their legal story shouldn’t have to be weighed. Sometimes the reasons why some children are in foster care are soo heartbreaking that the generational trauma continues and then more, worse trauma compounds it. RAD is soooo hard to effectively care for.

Yet there is this reality check from another adoptive parent – I adopted my daughters when they were 14 & 16 (adopted separately, not biological siblings). I know a lot of people who also adopted teens & I’ll just say that the RAD diagnosis gets thrown around waaaay too casually. It’s actually pretty rare & in my experience, kids that are labeled RAD actually just have woefully unprepared adoptive families. Adopting and parenting older kids who have very sad & difficult histories + trauma is therapeutic parenting & I’ve seen too many families peace out when the going gets tough & use “RAD” as an excuse.

From an adoptee – I’m calling BS. When you adopt a child, you have promised, PROMISED to be their family. No returns, the adults need to step up and parent the child they made a commitment to, better educate themselves, DO THE WORK! And, yes adoptive families absolutely should have to have their story weighed! The days of adoptive parents being like a God and believed because they said so – is part of the problem, not typically the adoptees who generally don’t have a say in their situations. Not blaming? Yes, adoptive parents need to be held accountable, fully! Your talk of not speculating but what did you do by suggesting RAD in the first place??? Good for me (the adoptee) but not for thee (adoptive parent)? NO. Stop pushing labels and disorders on children, who adults have failed and apparently, continue to fail.

A transracial adoptee agreed – RAD is often the diagnosis thrown around when adoptive parents and bad therapists get together. ODD that somehow similar “behaviors” aren’t typically grounds to get rid of your biological kids. This is gross of the adoptive parents, full stop.

Yet another adoptee, from experience – Speaking from experience, sometimes adoptive parents haven’t dealt with their generational trauma but think it’s a good idea to adopt vulnerable children. It’s like being raised by a Jekyll/Hyde personality. Asshole parents are soooooooo hard to effectively love. Why is it though, it’s just assumed the problem is the adoptee ? Just like you implied. They automatically get the blame and adoptive parents are just given the benefit of the doubt. Because once again, adoptees are seen as “damaged”. My bet is that the adoptive parents are just assholes. But go ahead and assign blame to a child, that would have been loved, if they were just easier.

Sometimes Reunification Fails

Today, I read this from a foster parent – the foster children in our home are almost 3, 4.5, and 6.5. They’ve been with us almost 2 years, a decision to terminate parental rights was made yesterday. The Div of Children and Families (DCF) wants to tell the 6 year old alone, and the other two together at a different time. We’ve fought so hard for reunification and establishing other kin relationships, unfortunately with no success. There will still be contact with mom but DCF has refused an in-person goodbye visit.

In looking for an image to illustrate today’s blog, I found this WordPress LINK>Reunification is Meant to Fail by Yvonne Mason Sewell. She shares an article – A Critical Look at the Child Welfare System Reunification Plans by Kevin Norell, who is a foster care caseworker.

He explains what is required of parents who want their children returned home. They have to find a job and housing. Parents are ordered into therapy, parenting classes, perhaps drug rehabilitation, and they have to find time to visit with their children. “Even an organized parent might have trouble with all that. And many of these parents are anything but organized,” Norell says.

The intent behind court ordered reunification plans may be admirable, but the reality appears to be that many plans are designed for failure, according to the 1991-1992 San Diego Grand Jury: Testimony was received regarding the hours of time which must be spent in order to comply with these plans. Defense attorneys have testified that they have told clients that it is impossible for them to work and comply with reunification. Judges and referees were observed, seemingly without thought, ordering parents into programs which require more than 40 hours per week. Frequently, these parents have only public transportation. Obviously, there is no time to earn a living or otherwise live a life. A parent often becomes a slave to the reunification plan.

From what I have read, it is not uncommon for the Department of Health and Human Resources to change the plan goal. For example, one father, through sheer determination, managed to comply with the provisions of the performance agreement. But was HRS satisfied with the result? No, HRS filed a motion for change of goal, and requested that the father’s rights regarding the child be terminated because he had failed to benefit from services in a reasonable length of time. The lower court terminated the father’s parental rights. The determined father appealed to the District Court of Appeal who reversed the decision of the lower court, holding that HRS had not met its burden of proof. The case was remanded for further proceedings. By this time, the child had been in foster care for three years.

There is more at the link if you are sincerely interested but clearly parents are not being supported in what is arguably the most important issue in their lives.