Whether genetically related or adoptive, family is important. Both of my parents were adopted. All of the “family” I knew growing up was not at all genetically related to me (beyond my mom and dad of course). My grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were actually not related to me. I marvel at this now.
My adoptive grandparents were influential in my life. No doubt about that. My maternal grandmother lived in wealth and taught us good manners and what an abundant life might be like. I remember fondly sleeping in my mom’s old canopy four-poster bed and coming to a breakfast table set impeccably. My grandmother also made possible my only trip outside the United States beyond occasional forays into Juarez growing up on the Mexican border. Thanks to her I had an experience of attending Clare College in Cambridge England. She was metaphysical actually. I learned that at some point and she expressed gratitude for her financial comforts by being generously charitable.
My paternal grandparents modeled hard work, entrepreneurial spirit and humble surroundings as well as country living as I was growing up in a dense suburban environment. I remember going out into the cotton fields to pick boles and now know that my genetic maternal relatives (grandmother and grandfather lived such a life of necessity). I remember harvesting food from their property – pecans, peaches and asparagus. I remember the trains that traveled right across the street from their rural home.
I also believe I owe my granny (my dad’s adoptive mother) for preserving me in my parent’s loving care and not allowing my unwed high school mom to be sent off to have me and give me up for adoption. Later on in life, my granny caused me to realize a romantic relationship I had been in for some years was not a healthy one and I left it. Her questioning openned the way for me to meet and marry my husband and to have two wonderful sons with him.
Life changes, never forget that it can.
It is perfectly acceptable to wish for better days to come.
There is nothing wrong with wishing for better income, more stability, and an ability to give MORE.
Years from now, you may realize something startling –
Your wish came true.
You will realize that those “better days” that you once could only dream of are now your reality.
It can be so easy to feel discouraged and just want to give up. Keep your hopes for better alive. Dreams can come true. I know. I’ve seen my own come true in amazing ways.
I remember one Christmas with my daughter when she was just a toddler. I bought the tiniest tree. I painted little wooden ornaments. I bought her a little bra and underwear set, patent leather shoes and lacy socks and one of those children’s microphones she could sing through. We didn’t have much but we did have a Christmas. Life is full of ups and downs. Change is constant and can be a source of hope when nothing seems hopeful at all.
HUGS of encouragement for you, who in a season that can feel so discouraging and depressing for a lot of people, must somehow carry on. You are never truly alone in difficult moments. Others are struggling and some are overcoming those same kinds of struggle.
It has become a bit complicated. And it is a mouth full to try and delineate family adding “adoptive” in front.
I have 8 grandparents. 4 – I never knew for over 60 years but at least I know WHO they were now and have aunts, uncles and cousins to become acquainted with.
4 of my grandparents were influential in my life – especially the grandmothers. It would take a book to describe all of the ways that they mattered. We were blessed to grow up in the same city with them and so had lots of opportunities for physical interactions.
I have aunts and cousins thanks to adoption with whom I have life experiences – including shared experiences with the adoptive grandparents. For most of them, the relationship may have been at least partially a direct genetic link.
I love them all. And I have to be grateful because if what happened to my parents had not happened, I would not be here today telling you my tales.