When Does It Happen ?

From an adoptee – Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I stopped loving my adoptive father. I don’t understand (this isn’t me judging anyone that feels differently) how adults can forgive and still love their abusive parents. I don’t love my father. I used to. Then I was sad. Now indifferent.

I stopped loving him when my daughter arrived because I finally understood how easy it is to love your child.

I don’t know if this is because I’m adopted or because he was abusive. Or maybe combo of the both. I stopped loving him. I know this because when he died, I didn’t care. I had used all my tears up by then. I felt indifferent.

Can you relate?

This person did – my father was abusive. I don’t think I ever loved him. I used to look up to him before I realized how bad the abuse was. When my son started to look more like me than his dad I broke down in tears wondering how he could decide to hurt me. I didn’t cry when he died until several years after, then I cried for the lack of the father I deserved in my childhood. It’s hard for me to love someone whose only job was to love me but completely failed.

blogger’s note – I am winding down how much I post here. Soon, I will be making a long distance move and really won’t have the time but there is a lot here that I think can be helpful and some that another person may want to push back against – it happens – and I am grateful for the reality checks. Wishing all a good holiday season and a better new year (or at least as good of one as life can hand you).

Forgiveness With Boundaries

I have read so many stories about adoptees that were abused in some way (whether physical, mental or emotional) by their adoptive mothers. I know my own mother’s experience with her adoptive mother growing up and into adulthood was not easy. I had my own difficult experience with that woman as well. But she could also be very thoughtful and generous as well. People are simply complicated.

So, your struggles as adoptees are not my own life’s experience and I have no ready answers. I was reading a story this morning about one man’s struggle to forgive the abuse he suffered from his father and I liked the concept that is the title of this blog today.

Things have been intense and then upsetting. I have neglected this blog. I do intend to begin posting here again, if not tomorrow, hopefully by next week – after I process through some more of my own disappointment that the future (for the foreseeable next few years) is not what I had hoped. Take good care of yourselves. Temper your willingness to attempt to understand those who have hurt you as a kind of forgiveness that has good boundaries to protect you from future pain, whatever your own particular boundaries are.

Struggling With Forgiveness

A woman writes – I’ve been struggling lately being adopted. I’m glad I was removed from the situation I was in, but I’m struggling with forgiving my birth mom. Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with her? My feelings have gotten stronger since I had my child and even though I debated putting him up for adoption at one point (because I was in a really bad financial situation) I struggle with understanding why I wasn’t enough to make her get herself together and be a mom.

Am I wrong for not forgiving her? And for being bitter about it?

I understand a lot of parents do what they think is best or they were coerced, but the state gave her multiple chances and resources to help her be a mom. Even long before we were removed from her care, then they gave her a chance for 3 years to get her life back on track. I’ve read the reports, so I know what happened and I feel anger towards her for it.

An adoptee responded – As an adoptee, I get it. I also considered placing my baby, because of financial reasons, but didn’t, so I feel you. I’m in a successful and happy reunion, but I get you. You don’t owe anyone anything. You are entitled to your very valid feelings. And now that you are an adult, you and only you get to make the choices that are right for you. And you get to build a beautiful life for your own child. And you don’t owe her anything. Nothing. It’s really okay.

From another adoptee – You are not wrong and you are enough. The decision to not do the work necessary is 100% on her.

From an adoptee who also spent time in foster care – My adopted mom (who I didn’t know wasn’t my biological mom as a child) couldn’t keep her act together enough to keep Child Protective Services from removing me. So I feel very similarly to you. I also have anger towards my birth mother for allowing such an awful person to adopt me. I don’t speak to either of them and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. You don’t owe anyone your forgiveness and your feelings are valid.

Another adoptee with a similar background to the one above – I was emotionally, verbally, and physically abused for 11 years with my biological mom. She would leave us for days to go on benders. I was allowed to continue contact with her and my foster parents always facilitated that, if we wanted it. I decided voluntarily to cut ties with my biological mom at 12, when I was finally adopted after 11 years of back and forth, and failed reunification attempts. After my biological dad died, even though they weren’t together, I decided to try to reconnect with her. She cursed me out because I wouldn’t tell her where my dad’s funeral service would be. I didn’t want her name attached to me. This was the day after he died. I was 18. I haven’t spoken to her in 10 years. I don’t want to look like her. I don’t want her to ever know if I have my own children. I don’t want to speak to her. And no, I do not feel bad at all about it. I’ve resolved it in myself. I know exactly what happened – I lived it. Painting foster/adoption with a broad brush is dangerous, as not everyone’s experience is the same and not all kids have a biological option to turn to. I did not. I am forever grateful that I am adopted. It was after 11 years of meth-addled Dept of Family and Child Services visits, neglect, abuse, and psychological trauma. I’ll never finish undoing what she did to me. Some folks do not deserve kids. That’s my truth and I won’t let anyone make me feel bad for it.

She also expresses appreciation for her foster parents who fostered 45 kids during their lifetime and only adopted 3 of us. Two of us are biologically related (me and my half-brother, who entered care, after I had already been placed with them for 8 years. They had guardianship of me and then took him, when he entered care, because it was what was best for us – to have the presence of a biological sibling). The third child, they had from the time he was 2 days old and his biological mom requested they adopt him because she was serving a 10 year sentence in prison and had nobody to take him. She said she would only do it, if she adopted him. They did many things most foster parents would never dream of doing.

What Would You Do?

When our sons were young, I used to worry about someone taking them away due to someone reporting that we were somehow negligent. Thankfully, it never happened. Today’s story asks the question – What would you do ? – to a situation that is upsetting this person.

We’ve lived in our apartment for almost a year. Our next door neighbors have two girls, I’d guess they’re about 2 and 4 years old. Babies. We’ve seen the kids outside and have never actually seen marks on them, but I’m listening to mom and dad absolutely terrorize these children on an almost daily basis. Violent, angry, frightening screams. Like, horrific. Cursing and threatening, slamming things, possibly hitting with the way the girls will shriek. It’s overwhelming, it scares me, and it devastates me to hear these little girls be treated like this. What would you do ? I know that 99% of the time Child Protective Services makes things worse for the kids, but… I don’t know. It’s emotional warfare over there at BEST, it’s a regular occurrence, and the parents seem to feel no remorse.

Some “informed” responses – considering what IS better ? One says “You report it. This isn’t a case of poverty. Suffering abuse is not better than living in foster care.” To which, another’s response is – “They’re more likely to suffer abuse in foster care.” And then this interesting and likely honest perspective – “When a kid, whose own parents abused him, has lost trust in adults. No further manipulation into silence necessary.” Yet another speaks to their own lived experience – “I wish I had been put into foster care compared to the abuse I endured at home. It’s not always true that foster care is worse.”

Then this interesting suggestion to “step back” – “I guess my first question would be how do you know what’s towards the children ? My oldest listens to a lot of music that may sound like people are screaming at each other. When they’re listening to it, they may hit their hand on the table or the wall. That’s just how they deal with their pain. Nobody’s being abused. That’s just how they cope. Probably from the outside looking in, it would sound like somebody is being abused.” The one who originally asks then admits – “I’m probably just going to keep trying to build a friendship with the mom. I know foster care can be horrific. The last thing I want to do is to put those little girls in a worse situation than they already are.” So it was suggested – “Can you babysit the kids to help relieve stress? Maybe you tell them you miss your niece or a cousin or kids used to babysit for etc. and you wouldn’t mind helping them?” The one who originally asked is appreciative – “I think that’s an incredible idea. I’ve spoken to the mom before about her relationship with the father when I witnessed him act aggressively towards her, I’m thinking I can work harder to develop a friendship with her and then see where I can help from there.”

Many people would feel a similar conflict – “That’s a hard one. I don’t know. Maybe find a way to have a causal conversation with them and ask if maybe they need some help with the kids ? Maybe they get overwhelmed and have no help ? But then again, hearing that, I don’t know if I would dare to get involved and have them think you’re sticking your nose in, where it doesn’t belong and just causes them to be more hateful. I don’t say that believing that’s what you’re doing, I’m trying to think from their perspective and what they might think and how they might react. (I’m an over thinker and tend to think of every scenario.) I just wouldn’t want to do anything to make it worse for the kids. Boy, that’s a hard situation.”

Ending it on this note from the original poster – “Most people who have never experienced the system are a bit quick to report any and everything. This isn’t about punishing the parents. Reunification / rehabilitation / support should be the point. There’s no easy black and white answer. These are two very real little lives that are going to be greatly impacted no matter what happens next. I’m asking for insight on what will do the least amount of damage.”

Don’t Let The B*&^($@ds . . .

Daffodils & Dirt Sam Morton’s Album

That is not the album cover but the concept captured me. It comes from another woman’s Scottish story that drew Morton and has arrived in The Guardian – by Kate Kellaway – LINK>‘The hardest thing is to forgive yourself’: actor Samantha Morton and writer Jenni Fagan on the trauma of growing up in care.

The Guardian notes – Both women have used their work to process childhoods ravaged by neglect and abuse. Meeting for the first time, they discuss survival and anger, Fagan’s new memoir, and the state of the UK’s care system today. Jenni Fagan’s extraordinary, harrowing and uplifting memoir, Ootlin, is about growing up in the Scottish care system. Ootlin translated from the Scottish vernacular means someone who “never belonged, an outsider who did not want to be in”. LINK>Review by Sara Crowley. Samantha Morton is an Oscar nominee twice over, who directed and co-wrote, with Tony Grisoni, the TV film LINK>The Unloved (2009), about a girl growing up in a care home, which drew an audience of 2 million.

About Fagan’s memoir, Sam says: “When I read Jenni’s book, I felt as if we were twins. I didn’t realize there was another human being who had had an almost identical childhood to mine, and not only survived but become formidable against the odds. The similarities between us are bizarre; it was like when you do a butterfly drawing at school, then fold it – there is Jenni in Scotland and there is Sam in Nottingham… and we’re the same age.” “I’m a bit older,” says Fagan. “I’m still 46,” says Morton. “I’m 47,” Fagan says.

Both women spent years in children’s homes and foster care. Morton had 12 foster placements and Fagan 27 by the time she was 16 (with two unsuccessful adoption placements). Each had mothers who suffered poor mental health. Fagan never knew hers, whereas Morton’s mother, who died in 2017, is a known presence in her story. Morton’s father was intermittently violent and spent spells in prison. Both Fagan and Morton suffered abuse, got into drugs for a while, and had periods of homelessness.

If these stories are of interest to you, I highly recommend reading the entire article at The Guardian link above. blogger’s note – having learned I have Scottish roots, anything to do with that country always interests me.

Looking For Context

Today’s complicated situation –

12 years ago my brother got married and had a baby very young. About two years into the marriage his wife wanted to separate, so they were co-parenting. She then decided she wanted full custody and made a laundry list of allegations against my brother in order to obtain that, but ultimately was not successful. When that failed, she told him he was not the father— which turned out to be true. At this point my brother had raised this child for 3 years and loved being a father and was absolutely devastated. A series of events led to him making the decision to step aside and sign away his parental rights so that the mother, real father, and baby could be a family. It shattered him and he processed it like a death of a child.

9 years have past since he stepped away. Since then the biological father has completely disappeared and she has been remarried 4 separate times. She has been placed in an involuntary psych hold on 2 separate occasions and has some serious mental health struggles.

Fast forward to this month. Everyone in my family, including myself and my husband, have received letters from Texas Child Protective Services (where the mother lives— all of us are in New York) looking for family of this child and saying there is an open case. We responded saying that we know of the child in question and are awaiting more information.

My questions are: Does this letter mean the child is in CPS (Child Protective Services) custody/the system ? What happens here, since we are not actually blood related to this child ? Does this mean the mother has been deemed unfit in some way ? Or that other family has been unresponsive to this search for connections to this child ?

The grandparents on the mother’s side are incredibly abusive, and her sibling is in jail for shooting a gun at someone in a park. It seems the biological father’s family wants no part of this child’s life. I have no idea what any of us in my family would do from here— my brother is married and now has a 4 month old— and no one in my family is in a great place to take in a child, nor am I sure that would be the right thing to do ? But we are all very concerned— we loved this child deeply and were heartbroken when all of this took place. I know at this point she is a traumatized pre-teen who has probably been through hell and back. I guess I’m just wondering what the right thing to do in this situation is, and looking for context for what this CPS letter means in terms of the child’s welfare.

One knowledge response was – They are clearly looking for Fictive Kin. Please try to discover more and if / how your family (especially your brother) can get involved for the youth’s sake.

Similarly – They are looking for fictive kin. This can be anyone who has had any connection with the child (neighbors, parent’s co-workers, religious community, teachers, etc.). It’s heartening to know that CPS has actually contacted you all. The best way to get a better picture of what’s going on to with the child is to respond to the CPS letter. You’ll most likely be placed in contact with a social worker who’s been working on the case. I have a list of questions you can ask (see below). Hoping for the best for the child, her natural mother, and your brother.

Here is a list of questions for a situation such as this –

Reason for Placement:

Can you tell me a bit about what led to the child being placed in foster care ? Just trying to understand their backstory a bit.

How’s the child handling the transition into foster care ? Any particular challenges they’re facing ?

Legal Proceedings/Termination of Parental Rights:

Has there been any progress or updates regarding legal proceedings or the possibility of terminating parental rights ?

How’s the child navigating through any legal stuff ? Are they aware of what’s happening, and how are they coping with it ?

Child’s Development:

What’s the current living situation like for the child ? How are they adjusting to it ?

Can you tell me a bit about the child’s personality and interests ? Just trying to understand what makes them tick.

How’s the child doing in school ? Are there any particular subjects or activities they excel in ?

Do they have any hobbies or talents that they’re passionate about ? Just curious about what brings them joy.

Family Dynamics/Relationships:

How often does the child get to see or communicate with their biological family ? And how are those interactions going ?

How do they get along with their foster family and peers ? Any budding friendships or challenges they’re facing ?

Support and Services:

What kind of support services are available to the child and their foster family ?

Are there any particular cultural or religious considerations we should keep in mind while caring for the child ?

Future Plans/Goals:

What are the long-term goals or plans for the child’s placement ? Any steps you’re taking to work towards those goals ?

How can we, as their foster family, best support them in their growth and development ?

Health and Well-being:

Are there any health concerns or medical needs we should be aware of ? How are you addressing those ?

How does the child express their feelings or emotions ? And how can we help them develop healthy coping skills ?

Foster Experience Truth

Totally short on time yet again but this is not the first time I have seen this kind of experience shared by a person who spent time in foster care.

I really need to get something off my chest tonight. I’m trauma dumping in a weird way. This trauma still bothers me to this day and I just can’t fully get past it… maybe because I don’t fully understand. I’m going to share some information that may be “foggish”, but I’m about about to be extremely vulnerable.

I had ONE amazing foster home out of the 50+ (yes you read that right) that I was in over the course of 6 years (because no one wanted pre teens and teens where I lived, so there was a ton of short term placements), and ironically this was also my last foster home. For many it doesn’t matter, but I was the only white child up in her home. You’d think it’d be odd (this was the south in the 90s), but God yall this woman her husband, and her kids never treated me any differently, provided me the same opportunities they did their own biological kids, and did more for me in my time with her than anyone ever did. She fostered dozens of teens, mamas and babies, and everything in between… She was our champion in dark times and our biggest cheerleader in the good.

Y’all. When I finally ended up at this woman’s home with her, her husband, and her children – I was completely broken. I had been abandoned as a preteen by my family. I was abused in foster homes both physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually before her. I was “lost” by the system numerous times over disappearing for weeks and no one knew I was gone. I was sexually trafficked across several states while running away. I had just made front page news in Arkansas defending myself related to a 48 year old man at 16 years old, for what he and his friends (including a 911 dispatcher) did to me. The news back then published my full name, where I was from, that I was a runaway foster child from the city and state I ran from… and even more details. I was a vulnerable, broken, desperate and scared CHILD.

Looking back… I have to ask why NO ONE other than her cared enough to protect me before her. If it wasn’t for her and her husband sitting me down and talking with me days at a time (in the living room with chocolate and popcorn)… I’m not sure I’d even be alive anymore. Yes. I ultimately ran from her home too (because I had found out I was pregnant from the Texas rape and my caseworker had already warned me if I got pregnant they would force me to have an abortion and tie my tubes)… I have been given so many WHYS… but they could never answer my questions, no matter how hard they tried. Sadly, they said the system had failed me numerous times over. I know that one good home closed down not long after I left. So, maybe someone can answer these, so they’ll stop haunting me at night. The biggest one being why powerful men and women were able to successfully get away with this.

Why was my mother not criminally charged for taking me to Div of Family and Children’s Services with a duffle bag and dropping me off on the 3rd floor saying she didn’t know how to raise a teen?

Why did a foster home allow a 17 year old boy to room with a 13 year old girl in bunkbeds and when I started complaining of pain, ignored it telling me I needed to go on birth control instead of whining.

Why did a foster home allow her older foster girls to “take care of” younger foster kids including beating them (I started having seizures following one of those girls bashing my head into a wall because I told the school counselor she was hitting me and the foster mom told her to “take care of it” for her).

Why did a foster home get away with keeping a locked fridge with food/snacks for the family only, and locked cabinets with the same rules. Foster children were only allowed to eat at meals. Otherwise food was off limits.

Why was a foster dad allowed to stay in the room with me during a pap smear, even after I told the doctor I wasn’t ok with that?

Why did a foster home with a psychologist mom and a police officer dad allow and encourage me to date their 35 year old firefighter neighbor.

Why did a caseworker encourage me to run somewhere “fun”, for her to come and retrieve me from, and rewarded me with a mini shopping spree, when I called her from a pay phone in Vegas after my plane landed.

Why was a foster home allowed to have locks reversed on all the foster children’s bedrooms, essentially locking us in our rooms at night?

Why didn’t a foster home didn’t get in trouble for failing to report me as a runaway for nearly 2 months?

Why did foster homes do “round circles” where the teens were to hold “accountability meetings” and name calling, targeting weaknesses, etc – why was this encouraged ? I was called a sl*t, wh*re, my sexual activities shared with the other girls, my rapes talked about with them… and they were able to dissect them and tell me how it was all my fault – and the same done to others. Nothing was confidential.

Why did a foster mom have kids eat in shifts and if you didn’t get to the table in time before dinner was gone, you got nothing to eat (her table sat 6, she fostered six kids and had three of her own).

Why did my guardian ad litem tell me more than once that no one cared about me and when I ended up dead, it wouldn’t surprise anyone.

Why was a retired police officer and Texas state prison worker comfortable taking me, 15 years old at the time, into BDSM parties and sharing me with their friends. No one questioned my age, and the host of said party was a DHS caseworker in Texas.

Why did the police in Texas, when I called after being raped, tell me I deserved what happened to me, playing in a grown up’s world and placed me in juvenile detention, until my caseworker came and got me three weeks later.

Why when what happened in Arkansas made the news, the foster home encouraged me to speak with the media and their lawyers, and in turn these people were comfortable and allowed them to post all of my identifying information, allowed me to defend myself against a 48 year old man and his friends who abused me and used me for their gain.

Why did the judge call me an upcoming prostitute and a whore for older men “off the record” after court ended one day and tell me she could throw ME in jail because I was sexually active (sexually trafficked) with married men and adultery was illegal in our state.

Why after I ran from this lovely woman’s home and came out pregnant… the ER called from a different state (underage minor and all that) and my caseworker refused to return calls? Instead she faxed documentation that I was emancipated and not their problem.

Why did the state, after my baby was born, feel comfortable threatening me saying emancipation wasn’t a real thing and telling me I could go to jail, keeping my daughter, and me never seeing her again, etc because I was a rape victim, until I signed private adoption papers… and the day after it was cleared, they suddenly recognized and admitted the emancipation was valid and never contacted me again….

I’m hoping that someone can help me… because therapy sure as heck isn’t cutting it.

When The Name Is The Abuser’s

When the name we carry is also that of an abuser – today’s story (not mine).

I know changing names during adoption is typically a no, however I’m curious about opinions in this circumstance. I’m adopting my niece and nephews. The oldest’s (age 4) middle name is after his natural dad, and a man his dad claims as his dad. (In reality, it’s just an older man they befriended.) Both of those men being the main 2 abusers. In every kind of way. My middle name is technically after my grandpa, who abused me, and I’ve always wanted it changed, which is where this is coming from. I want to make certain that I’m not just projecting my own feelings, which I admit is possible. This case has been extremely triggering, given my past. Do you think in this circumstance that changing his middle name would be beneficial ?

One adoptee responded – My gut reaction is that this about you and your dislike for your own middle name (I’d encourage you to change it, btw). Have you asked the child ? My first thought is that you should keep the name the same for right now, while this transition is being made and because it’s his middle name, it doesn’t have the impact of a first name. Hold space for those two kids and see what comes up.

From another adoptee – His middle name is his choice. Period. Get the child in therapy and let him discuss his trauma and triggers. If his middle name ends up being a trigger for him, then have an open conversation about it. Leave your trauma at the door, when it comes to having an open conversation about his trauma. If changing your name will help you feel more comfortable, you should 100% do that !

From an adoptee (who changed their name as an adult) – you’re projecting. You should change your name for you, and you should wait to let kiddo change his name (or not) for him. I like the name I share with an abuser. It’s my name. When I changed my name as an adult, I kept the portion I shared with the abuser. My whole childhood adults pressured/“offered” to change my last name because of who I shared it with and I’m thankful I always felt brave enough to say no.

This person adds – Not wanting to share the name of an abuser is 100% valid, but it’s not the universal viewpoint. It’s totally possible in time that nephew may want to change his name, and it’s also possible that he won’t but you don’t know now. Also having changed my name has caused me significantly more extra work than I thought it would. I have to bring the court doc when I travel internationally, I have to list my old name as a “previous alias” when I apply for rentals, and I’ve struggled to get old documents because my ID doesn’t match their version. This is a much smaller reason than not fucking with someone’s identity, but I don’t think anyone should get to choose this for someone else who didn’t consent.

This one who is a foster/adoptive parent, and also shares that she was rescued from hopeful adoptive parents when she was pregnant at 17, says – I am allowed to share that both my sons (as they have requested to be called) have changed their names but differently and for different reasons. We made sure they discussed it with their therapist and reassured them that what they choose has no baring on the love and care we will give them (including whether or not they want to someday contact their biological family. Or how they want their Fostering/Guardianship/Adoption handled). Our only rule is, while they are allowed to express themselves and what they want to do, they absolutely may NOT attack their sibling for choosing a different path. Each journey is traumatic and will be handled by different people differently. We also reassured them they can always change their minds without judgement (But I won’t pay for another name change till after 18). Unfortunately, your nephew is not old enough to make these decisions for himself. And there lies the difficulty. In almost all cases, I do NOT suggest changing their name and do suggest waiting till they are older to decide for themselves. I will admit that I make exception for Sexual Abuse or Attempted Murder victims. I am a sexual abuse victim myself and my Dead Name is as it is called…Dead to me.

An Evolving Approach

I don’t live in Florida and there may be aspects of this effort that I can’t know about. I learned about this organization, LINK>Embrace Families, from a post seeking a a home for a young woman before she turns 18. One kinship carer noted that – My cousin and friend was adopted at 17 years old. It was a long journey to her, but she prefers it that way. My aunt met her in a campaign of giving Christmas presents and progressed to a very unlikely adoption.

If this organization is true to their stated intentions, values and priorities – it is an example of how the approach to child welfare issues is evolving to be better than the old models. Their goal is to overcome the root causes of abuse and neglect through the programs they have created. Sadly, dominating local news where I live in Southeast Missouri is the story of the death of a 4 year old believed to be due to those causes.

They are committed to keeping struggling families intact and improving outcomes for children, teens and young adults. They feel their effort extends beyond the scope of traditional child welfare services. They feel that a child’s future should not be indelibly tarnished by events that brought them into the child welfare system.

They note that their investment in youth services ensures that teens and young adults in foster care have the supplies, resources and skills necessary to thrive personally, to achieve academically, and to prepare successfully for career and personal success. They provide the support needed for young adults to navigate the complex road to self-sufficient adulthood. This includes: mentoring, tutoring, youth advocacy preparation, housing support, academic support, career readiness, independent living transition planning, driver license training, and more.

Credible About Foster Care

I’ve read a book about a woman’s experiences in foster care and in my all things adoption group I’ve seen many stories about really horrific foster care placements – of course, not all foster parents are that bad – but sadly, some are. They don’t have the love of a genetic, biological parent. LINK>Antwone Fisher suffered twelve years of abuse in his foster care home placement.

Born to a teenage mother in prison only a couple of months after his father was shot to death at a mistress’ apartment, the movie Antwone Fisher with Derek Luke and Denzel Washington depicts the horrific childhood he survived while in foster care. In the movie, homeless and on the street in Cleveland, he reconnects with a childhood friend and witnesses the shooting of that friend in a robbery attempt. At the age of 14, the real Antwone Fisher spent time in a penal institution for teenaged boys in western Pennsylvania, leaving at the age of 17.

Antwone entered the United States Navy, where he served his country for eleven years; nine years at sea, two ashore, four deployments and one forward deployment duty, stationed aboard the USS St. Louis LKA 116. Denzel Washington is the naval psychiatrist in the movie who assists him in the emotional journey to confront his painful past. Ultimately with his psychiatrist’s prodding, he finally finds his first family and experiences the kind of fraught reception that some experience when confronting their first mother for answers about their abandonment. There is also a wonderful reunion with the extended family of Antwone’s deceased father.

He wrote a poem –

Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?
He walked the burning sand
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me

After his discharge from the navy, Antwone took a job with Sony Pictures Studios, working as a Security Officer for eight months, before he began writing the screenplay for his own story. On April 23, 2013. Antwone testified before the Senate Finance Committee for a hearing titled: The Antwone Fisher Story as a Case Study for Child Welfare.

Antwone has worked in Hollywood as a screenwriter for more than thirty years with an impressive fifteen film writing projects, script doctoring or script consultant assignments with the major studios. Antwone’s present screenwriting project is with Columbia Pictures. He is the screenwriter of his own story for the movie my family watched last night. I highly recommend it.