Ok, sometime platitudes simply don’t cut it. Some people have such enormous challenges that life is going to be ongoingly difficult.
Here’s one example –
4 mos pregnant with her 4th child in Texas. Birth control failure. Homeless. Two of the other three kids are autistic. Husband is a disabled vet and is autistic as well. The VA trying to get them into a housing program. No familial support. Employment challenges, childcare issues. She has depression, anxiety, and OCD. “I feel stupid and lost and hopeless. I feel like the only solution is giving this baby up for adoption and that makes me feel ashamed.”
So, here is the impossible choice – abort or parent. She already understands adoption is trauma. Her question – is staying with parents so ill equipped to handle another child just trauma too? The thought of raising another child fills her with dread. She doesn’t know how she can handle it. She has no clue how they’ll do it, where they will be living, where she’ll give birth, etc. So many unknowns make her constantly feel on edge and like panicking.
Then came lots of suggestions and even some offers to help in some way or other but maybe the most important was this affirmation and encouragement –
Ok first off, take some deep breaths.
Let’s address some issues with how you are feeling first, then we can go into options and resources.
This is the most important part.
You are not dumb.
You are not useless.
You are not a hopeless case.
You are not a failure.
You are not a bad parent.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
You are not any of those things that negative, evil voice in the back of your head is telling you.
You are not any of those things others in society may tell you.
I know that voice and those people all too well myself. They are all liars.
Now let’s talk about what you ARE and why.
You are strong.
It takes strength to make the hard decisions. To put the needs of your kids above your own and that’s what you have been doing. You could have bailed on your kids anytime. But you haven’t. You are pushing through.
You are worthy.
You are so worthy of love, compassion and empathy for zero reason other than you being you.
You are smart.
You are taking time to really evaluate a situation and try to make the best decision. You are reaching out for help, and that’s wisdom.
You are not a failure or hopeless.
You are not either of those things because you aren’t giving up. You are trying. As long as you are trying, you are never a failure.
Now to your issue.
Take your husband out of the equation. Do you want to have this baby? If you do, I assure you resources can be found to help you parent.
If you want an abortion, I assure you, safe access can be found for you.
But the alternative to abortion isn’t adoption. The alternative to abortion is parenting.
I think you should stop and think through if you want to continue this pregnancy or not. Its your decision, period.
Either way, there are people who will support you and I’ve seen miracles in this regard – either to help someone parent, or to get whatever help or access is needed.
Life simply wants us to never give up – take the next logical step and know the temporary nature of many challenges we each inevitably face.