Tag: Birthday Parties

What I Never Experienced

Today I read this sad admission from an adoptee who was also formerly in foster care –

Ya know what breaks my heart? Is knowing that I’ve missed out on some cool things as a kid and thinking that nobody else will get it.

I hate talking to people who’ve experienced fun things as kids because they are always baffled that I had never experienced it.

I’ve never been able to go into a costume store and say “this is what I want to be for Halloween.” Never got to trick or treat either. I’ve never been to an Easter egg hunt or gotten a basket from the Easter Bunny. I’ve never had a birthday at school, where someone brought the class cupcakes and everyone sang to me. My birthday is always during the school year. I’ve never been given money by the tooth fairy. I’ve never slept over at my grandparents house with my cousin. I’ve never even had a sleep over!

I never had a gift from Santa. Just donated items from the Division of Children and Families and churches. I don’t know many kid-like Christmas songs (Frosty, Rudolf, and whoever else, I don’t know) ! I don’t know many Christmas songs period. I don’t know any bedtime stories either. I don’t have a single baby pictures or childhood item that someone has held on to.

I hated family trees in school. I hated “all about me’s.”

I’m 19 now. I feel like I’ve missed out on everything due to being in foster care and then, being adopted. Even then, not having the cool experiences.

I have a bonus family (they took me in, when my adoptive parents let me go) and they’re so awesome. They have little kids and they are so excited for the holidays. They want to trap a ghost and have it as a pet. So they’re setting up fake ghosts in sheets and pretending there’s a ghost party, so they can trick the ghost. They asked me how to trap a ghost and I honestly had never heard of that. I just said I’ve never been able to do it yet, so we better plan a good party.

I went to my room and cried. I’ve always hated the holidays because everyone could share something cool they did during break and I always had to go to another room and read or color, so I didn’t feel bad about myself.

Now I’m 19 and so, I’ll never be a kid who gets to do all the kids things.

I see why people grow up and want nothing to do with others (blogger’s note – because we have no shared foundation of memories). I get it now. I get it.

Don’t Erase Identity

Today’s story –

I work with this guy who’s sister lost her 4 kids. Of those 4, he and his mom have 3 of them. When the children went into Child Protective Services care, the baby was not given to the grandma but to a foster family, a lesbian couple.

I was talking with my coworker yesterday and he said they just went to the baby’s second birthday party. Apparently, they have a good relationship with the couple. He told me they’re about to adopt his nephew and change the baby’s whole name. He said one of the wives comes from a similar situation and her adoptive family changed her name and she was glad they did because she hated her original name. So they’re changing his name, so that he doesn’t grow up hating his name like she did.

I told my coworker, the little boy will likely grow up hating his name because they changed it. I also told him that changing the little boy’s name means his original birth certificate will be closed and sealed. Doing this is destroying a part of that little boy.

My coworker said he doesn’t like it either but understands why they want to do it.

Just ick though, ugh.