Tag: Bottle Feeding

Some Thoughts

Adoptive mothers breastfeeding their adopted baby is a controversial topic. Even though it took assisted reproduction for me to give birth to my two sons, I was a devoted breast feeder – I fed each of them on the breast for over a year. So, I appreciated the perspective from one woman in my all things adoption group –

I grew up, and later lived with my breastfeeding babies in non privileged countries where formula was not a dependable option. Breastfeeding babies that weren’t related was common practice to keep babies fed. When I first read the outrage in this group over adoptive mothers breastfeeding, I felt personally attacked. I have breastfed other mother’s children and it really did feel natural. I didn’t engage in those conversations then because of my feelings.

I have taken the time to process what was said in those threads and it boils down to an understanding that adoptive mothers choosing to breastfeed is a selfish act. It is not child centered in any way. They are trying to force a bond that isn’t there. There is no way to steal a baby from their mother, then claim you are doing anything solely for the child’s well-being.

Another woman also pointed out the history of wet nurses with this comment –  it was common in the past to have wet nurses, and more recently donated breast milk. I know a lot of people have feelings about breast milk and breastfeeding, but it truly is such a natural and amazing thing. I wish it wasn’t such a controversy.

Another woman noted – in response to an assertion that there is no nutritional value in medically induced breast feeding, which is what adoptive mothers do – “I’m a breastfeeding medicine doctor, and all breastmilk is nutritionally and immunologically superior to formula milks.”

Another person noted – there’s a difference between wet nursing for necessity and forcing a grieving infant to suckle you in order to fabricate some “as if born to” delusion. We’re talking about psychological abuse. If someone is being child centered, they should be pumping and feeding from a bottle plus this – the “first rule of lactation support” is: Feed the baby!

Someone questioned – wtf is a breast feeding medicine doctor? Where does one acquire that degree? And received this answer – I am a Certified Breastfeeding Specialist, on Pathway 3 to becoming an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, and a Breastfeeding Medicine Physician is exactly what it sounds like— trained doctor at the base, who specializes in lactation management. They are rare and even more medically qualified than International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (who don’t have to become a doctor first, but do specialize in lactation through intensive study and mentorship). And yet another agreed – I’m an MD practicing family medicine and I specialize in prenatal through lactation. When treating for lactation, it’s referred to as breastfeeding medicine. Just like there’s no degree for a “cardiologist” or a “pediatrician.” It’s a specialty you choose as a medical doctor (MD).

Someone else noted – And not only that, this is the most common medication, LINK>Domperidone, to induce lactation— which is rare to access in the US to begin with (as it is off-label use). Human milk can also be induced with herbs, diet, and/or just stimulation, without medication. As someone qualified in lactation support, the amount of misinformation I see spread in this group about lactation hurts. And I’m NOT talking about the ethics of feeding a baby who is not your own, which I’m so thankful about the perspectives on. We don’t have to throw out the proverbial baby (human milk) with the bathwater (direct feeding an adopted baby).

That Was Then

The human child requires a period of a year after birth to attain a degree of maturity. The Self or core-being of the infant is not yet separate from that of the mother but psychologically contained within her.

The nature of their relationship is fluid, mother/child/world transcending time and space.  The mother provides a container for the child’s developing ego, just as her womb previously provided a container for the child’s developing physical body.

It is a dual unity – the mother not only acts as the child’s Self, but actually is that Self. An uninterrupted continuum of being within the matrix of the mother is necessary in order for the infant to experience a rightness or wholeness of self from which to begin it’s separation or individuation process.

The continuity and quality of this primal relationship is crucial, and it may set the tone for all subsequent relationships.

~ from The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier

When my daughter was born in 1973, we were kept separated except for brief reunions in my room.  She was in a nursery the rest of the time and fed a bottle, which damaged the effort to nurse her.

By the time my sons were born in 2001 and 2004, they were in the room with me – the first son almost all of the time and the second son in the nursery briefly each night so I could sleep but it was interesting that we would wake at the same time.

Being returned to the natural mother is better than being handed over to someone else. Any interruption in the continuum of the primal relationship with the mother can result in a lack of trust in the continuity of the goodness and rightness of the child’s environment and of their own self.