Today’s story – I have been trying to become a mom for four years. I have had four miscarriages, five IVF cycles and more surgeries than I care to count, and I just keep getting older. As I come to grips with the likelihood that my husband and I may not be able to have biological children, I thought that adoption could be a beautiful way to have a family, but I definitely don’t want anyone to be exploited or hurt as a result.
An honest response – I am sorry for your loss suffering from infertility. I’m sorry the adoption industry preys upon your grief and got your hopes up about adoption being some kind of beautiful alternative to having your own child. I’m certain you didn’t mean to be self-centered about it. You’re just trying to work through it. You have been told adoption could soothe your pain.
Unfortunately the sweet serendipitous miracle situation you hope for is the same as 40+ other couples desire. You all want a guilt free, uncomplicated scenario. That’s the fairy tale the adoption industry would like to sell you. But it is inherently extremely complicated and painful for children who are used this way. There is no way around it. Obtaining a stranger’s kid will not fix the hole left in your heart from infertility. I’m so sorry.
This is something I did not know existed before today. However, I belong to a mom’s group, all of whom conceived their children by some method of assisted reproduction. In our group are more than one single woman who was aging and gave up on waiting for a suitable partner to mother a child and these women – each and every one of them – is a strong, capable, loving and effective parent.
In this age of on-line dating, it should not surprise me that since 2014, an internet site has existed to facilitate several unconventional kinds of yearnings. There is the Co-Parenting by Choice aspect for a single person wishing to meet another person of the opposite sex that is willing to become the parent of a child with the seeker.
There is the aspect of someone who both wants to conceive a child but also find love as part of that effort. In this case it is a kind of dating site that pre-selects for a willingness to start a family.
There is an aspect for men willing to donate sperm so that a single woman can conceive a child.
There is finally an aspect for homosexual co-parenting in which a gay couple who want to have a child team up with a single person or another homosexual couple. Suggesting, they surround that child with love by becoming three or four parents together.
I find this very interesting. They say they have 25,000 members. It is noted that since the creation of their site, thousands of families have been created and hundreds of children have been born (maybe even thousands …).
There are YouTubes related to the effort and Facebook page. There seems to be a strong international component to this community. You may wish to consider this woman’s experience in a video sharing – The Life of a CoParent.