Tag: Discussion

Encompass Adoptees

Thanks to a mention by a friend, I learned about LINK>Encompass Adoptees. I had not heard of them before and so I wanted to share the awareness. This is what they write about their mission – Encompass provides resources and services for individuals of all ages with adoptive, foster, kinship care, (AFK) or similar adverse childhood experiences, as well as their families. Encompass has recently expanded to include services for donor conceived people (DCP) with the understanding that DCP have started to speak about having some similar and overlapping issues related to their donor parent. Our goal is to help create bridges to encourage awareness, facilitate discussion, provide educational resources, and build community among individuals with these experiences, within families, and throughout the local Columbus area.

Regarding their logo, they write – The whydah bird is one of several birds that always lay their eggs in another bird’s nest. Since the whydah does not raise its own young, we have chosen this element of nature as a symbol of adoption and foster care for our organization. Adoption is a difficult thing to put an image to. Encompass Adoptees makes every attempt to honor and acknowledge the adoptees who are adults as well as those who are children. Therefore, we chose an image that would not reflect the adopted person as an eternal child.

They also write that their commitment is to “lived experience” is a unique feature of Encompass: we offer programming designed by those with lived experience (adoption, foster care, kinship care for those with lived experience). This approach is evident in our programming, resources, and outreach efforts. While we seek to honor adult AFKD voices in key leadership positions and programs, we also believe that in order to best serve them, we must include the voices of as many constellation members as possible. Additional services for other constellation members, such as spouses, siblings, extended relatives, and professionals, are some we hope to include as we grow.

Hmmmm, Cutting Through The Noise

What is so great about children being surrendered and raised without their identity ?  Did I get your attention ?

I can’t imagine losing my mom – can you ?  Both of my parents did.

You don’t have to take my word for it (just listen to enough adult adoptees and you will become a believer) – adoption is trauma.  Bringing a child into a stable, loving home does NOT erase their trauma.

Why would you glorify abandonment ?

You know, you’re basically waiting for a woman and her baby to have the worst day of their lives so that you can have the best day of yours….

Adoptive parents literally act like the stork delivers these children.

One person’s intense joy is a result of another person’s desperate sorrow.  I certainly saw the truth of this as I read my mom’s adoption file from the Tennessee Children’s Home Society.

Tell people who are not familiar with conventional adoption about the fake birth certificates your parents were given.  That is one some people have trouble believing (yes, it is done all the time). Then tell them your parents’ REAL names were taken away from them and that they were both given a name that the adoptive couple preferred.

Imagine creating your family tree and having to list two names for each of your parents and then show their spouse with the adopted name so that someone might with difficulty sort it all out.  Yes, my parents were not allowed to use the names they were born with.  Are you incredulous yet ?  Most people have no idea that adoptees are forced to live fake identities.  My dad’s name was changed TWICE when his adoptive mother remarried.  He was already 8 years old at that time.

If that baby had lost his mother to cancer, you would be mourning with him right now.

If adoption is so wonderful, which one of your children would you give up to someone else for a “better life” ?  Note –  it should be the child you love the most that you give up, since you would obviously want that child to have the best life.  Crazy, huh ?

Ask an adoptee what it means to be adopted – adoption means you’re never going home.  Let that sink in.

Most adoptees would get an abortion before they would give up their own child for adoption.

As the child of two adoptees, I try to be balanced (after all, I would not exist but for) and not be too harsh.  Many people are well-intentioned but ill-informed about the realities surrounding adoption.   I want my readers to walk away having learned something real, maybe opening up further conversation on the topic.  Adoption is more complicated than you might imagine.

Many people believe that every adoptee was unwanted or they view the original mom as less than human because they can’t relate to someone who has given up a child.  Both perceptions are quite likely UNTRUE.