Tag: Everyday People

Time To Be Grateful

Blogger’s note – I once worked for a rental management company. Sometimes people were evicted. I rarely saw any of that up close, though one memorable experience was checking a vacated house next to our office to see if any roaches were still alive after fumigation . . . later in my life, I left a bad romantic relationship and dropped into St Louis with a suitcase and $500 – no car, no job and no friends. I had to sleep in the room I rented with the light on (after cleaning all the trash out for the owner who didn’t do it many weeks after I started sleeping on the couch in their living room). Yeah, the roaches were still that bad . . .

What if you were a single parent with a child ? You work full time for $14.00 hr. You bring home roughly $800.00 per paycheck (bi-weekly).

Your monthly bills are:
$1,000.00 / rent
$ 150.00 / electric
$ 250.00 / car payment
$ 150.00 / car insurance

So do the math :
You bring home about $1,600.00 a month and your monthly bills average about $1,550.00 (give or take). You’re making it – barely. This amount does not include groceries, internet, cable, cell phone, etc.

Now, it’s a really cold December and you get a surprise power bill for $600.00 (blogger’s note – something like that actually happened here in the local area where I live). How do you pay that ? To put it simply, you don’t, because you can’t. Therefore, your power gets shut off. Your lease requires connected utilities, so now you will get evicted. You try to make your case in court, the judge doesn’t care. You are given 10 days to leave voluntarily.

If you’re lucky, maybe you found somewhere you could live, the rent is only $650.00 a month, but you only have 3 days to spare and you must pass a background and credit check first. And you won’t pass it because you just got evicted, even though you’ve never been a criminal. Even so, you’d be looking at $1,300, just to move in, after paying the deposit and first month’s rent.

The landlord shows up at 7am with the police and they change your locks. Now, you’re living in your car with your 7 year old son. You have everything you could salvage in the car with you. You try to get a storage unit, but you don’t have a billing address, so they won’t rent one to you. You have only taken what would fit in your backseat. You pay to shower at local truck stops and eat whatever you can cook in a gas station microwave.

Someone sees you are living this way with your son and calls Child Protective Services. Guess what happens next ? ? ? Your child is removed from you. And now, you lose your job too. (Because “as an employee who has lost their child, well it just reflects poorly on the company.”)

At this point, you apply for an apartment with a waiting list of 3-7 years. Then, you go to Wal-Mart and put in a job application. Returning to your car, you see that your back window has been smashed. Someone has helped themselves to your belongings.

Now, remember that it is December and really cold. Your only shelter is no longer safe.
You call your car insurance agent, who says your deductible is $1,000.00 and the bad new is now they’re going to increase your monthly rate because you’ve become “ high risk”.

As a last resort, you call the homeless shelter. All their beds are full. I’ll stop here ….. because you probably understand the point of this story.

The people we work with everyday are these people. We may even be these people ourselves.
We are all so close to homelessness and often we don’t even realize it.

All it takes is –

  • one unexpected bill
  • one fender bender
  • one lay-off
  • one house fire, etc.

There are people all around us who are poor, homeless, or in need of assistance. Be grateful that you’re not in their shoes (if you are not already).

Stay humble and be kind – and always, BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE.
Many of us are struggling in some way.

Blogger’s note – My youngest sister spent 4 years homeless. I don’t know how she survived it but she did. Sadly, we are estranged because her untreated mental illness causes her to be very cruel towards me. Still, I am always grateful that she is no longer living on the street.

A comment on the story above shared a “game” that has been around awhile. It illustrates a similar point – the terrible choices some people have to make every day, just to barely get by (if they’re lucky). Here’s that game – LINK>PlaySpent.

Ending on a happier note – just Everyday People . . .

Living In Delusional LaLa Land

Delusions are beliefs that are held by many people based on inadequate information. Often, such people are resistant to rational arguments or evidence to the contrary. In other words, there are beliefs about adoption and adoptees that are based on incorrect information about the actual experience or even worst still, a bias based upon a profit motivated agenda. Adult adoptees are speaking loud and clear today about what their own experiences have been. From the all things adoption group that I am a part of, an adoptee (who is also a former foster care youth, former foster parent and a mother) expresses herself quite bluntly, but honestly –

So many assumptions, stereotypes about adoptees, and whataboutisms. I just wanna say that most of us have jobs, lives, relationships, children (or grandchildren!) of our own and plenty of other life obligations. Yet we are there to share with you our honest experiences.

Talking about your own adoption and adoption in general, when you’re a grown adult who has spent years and years in therapy, healing and growing, is A LOT of emotional labor for many adoptees. So, the adoptee posting this, doesn’t care about nor does she want to hear opinions from adoptive parents. So, please don’t comment with some self righteous, “I am not like THOSE people” story.

In a space that is supposed to prioritize adoptee voices, adoptive or hopeful adoptive parents seem to want adoptees to hold their hand and coddle them, by sharing the adoptee’s own trauma. That group space is literally called “facing realities” for a reason. So many adoptive or hopeful adoptive parents are just living in a delusional lala land. That simply isn’t the reality for many of the adoptees who are there. If you find yourself is such a space – please be considerate of the reasons that adoptees are there.

What are those reasons ? Most of the adoptees that are there, are there, because they care about your children. Deeply. They don’t want more children sitting at a window wondering if their mom is going to come get them. They don’t want more children being told their feelings are wrong or that they should be grateful. They don’t want children to grow up and be treated like they are bad, when they finally start to come to terms with their feelings.

Adoptees are not in that kind of space to be there for adoptive parents. I say that respectfully. They are there for the kids. If you truly care about your children and want to learn, then pay attention and learn, when you encounter a space like that.

To any of the other adoptees and former foster youth that are there – please do prioritize yourself over any obviously self-centered people. Yes, it IS triggering to see the selfishness. YOU really do matter more. If you need to, take a day off. Start your preferred self-care ritual. Do not let selfish people drag you out of the happy place you’ve built for yourself. I see you. I’m proud of you. Your voice and feelings matter.