A birth mother posted a photo, 17 years later, upon reunion with the daughter she gave up for adoption. The birth mother wrote – “Every year on her birthday, every Mother’s Day, every holiday, every moment that passed, I felt her absence.”

In response, an adoptive mother wrote – Speaking from the other side of the equation, it IS heartbreaking to know that after a lifetime of love and effort in raising your child, that ultimately you’re never going to be enough for them. You’ll ultimately be forced to share what it usually means to be a parent.

I full understand the point of view of the adopted child. Trust me when I say, there is a lifetime of pain for everyone involved. The biological mother suffers a lifetime of separation and uncertainty. The adopted child suffers from not knowing the particulars about their own biology.

And then there is a double dose of suffering for the adoptive parents. To begin with, usually one of the adoptive parents are unable to have biological children, so the adoptive parents are forced to mourn the loss of the children they will never have.

Next comes the search for a child in need, then, there is the huge financial burden. No matter what avenue you choose, it ends up costing tens of thousands of dollars in paperwork and other fees. Then the adoptive parents are forced to go through almost 2 years of background checks and in home assessments. Again I full understand how necessary these steps are. That being said, it is still a LOT of stress and costs that biological parents don’t have to incur and deal with.

Adoption is difficult for everyone involved, and honestly, if asked if I would go through the adoption process again ? My choices may not be the same. This is something that people, particularly adoptive parents, usually refuse to share publicly.