Tag: Financial Obstacles

Cofertility

Just learned about this company today – the latest in the fertility industry/adoption industrial complex predicated on the “right to parenthood”. With some young women delaying motherhood these days, only to discover later on in life they can no longer conceive, I can understand the allure of participating in this venture. Beyond that, I really can’t encourage anyone to do this but clearly it is something that some couples are turning to in order to further their efforts to conceive.

The company notes – Whether you want to freeze your eggs for free when donating half to another family or you’re looking to build your family through egg donation, we’ve got you.

There are concerns in the donor conceived community regarding the right to fully informed consent. It was noted that there are also attempts to game-ify adoption by companies that are using swiping apps designed similarly to Tinder to match expectant mothers with hopeful adopters. 

At the company’s website, they have a link called LINK>”Our Stance“. It notes that they stand for reproductive choice. And egg freezing is just that — a choice that a woman makes over her own body and future. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) states that egg freezing “promotes social justice by reducing the obstacles women currently face because their reproductive window is smaller than men’s.” We couldn’t agree more, and we’re proud to do our part to lessen constraints placed on women by offering more accessible egg freezing options. That said, we acknowledge that egg freezing and egg donation are not without their critiques. The processes come with big questions, and we want to be transparent about where we stand.

I agree with Cofertility that there is a dearth of fertility education. Many women do not realize how early in their life, their ability to conceive will become “old age” in that regard. I know that was honestly the situation with my husband and I. We did the whole ovulation prediction and timed sex thing, only to discover that my own eggs where almost all gone and the ones that remained unlikely to develop into a viable pregnancy. It is still the wild west out there – when it comes to couples who are experiencing infertility finding some way to build their family. Polarized politics are not helping the situation. Sellers and buyers need to be as fully informed as possible.

There Seems To Be No Solution

Today’s concern is a lack of mental health options within the foster care system. A woman who provides foster care wrote a long piece detailing the problems which I won’t repeat entirely for this blog. After describing several recent situations, she gets to the heart of what is troubling her. “My thought is . . . what is the alternative for kids who are so far gone mentally? There is a huge shortage of foster homes for kids with mental illness or on house arrest. I have extra space, but I am not taking more while I have (this one) because she needs my full attention.”

Being in mental institutions or group homes seems to cause these kids to deteriorate especially over time. There seems to be no solution for the ones who need so much monitoring that a foster home simply can’t do. Maybe a therapeutic home run by doctors could, but how many if those exist?! What’s the solution? I’m referring mostly to teens since that’s what I saw, though it could apply to some younger kids.

What is the system supposed to do with kids, especially teens, with serious mental issues too complex for most foster homes to handle? If group homes are so bad, which from what I’ve seen they are, then what is the solution? Also it’s apparently very hard for them to find long term care for mentally Ill teens.

The amount of time and appointments needed make it very difficult to parent these kids even like “B” who isn’t so far gone. She still has a great chance at getting and staying better, going on to have a nice happy life which she wants. There are no good group homes I’ve seen for long term. There are not enough foster homes willing to accept teens. Not to adopt them but provide a place for them while they do what they need – therapy, school, job, etc – to step into their next phase having a successful adult life within the next few years.

blogger’s note – I don’t have a solution to this but I am putting it out there because there seems to be a serious need to address it.

Even so, one adoptee shared – My son has a mental illness and we placed him in a residential treatment center for 18 months when he was 11. Some kids there were foster kids. A few parents who placed their kids there, chose to have them go to foster care after treatment instead of returning home – usually for the safety of their other kids. PLEASE don’t judge them. The foster parents who took these kids in went through special training and had to develop relationships before taking them home. They also had a ton of resources available to them for free. This is the way it should be.

Another person explained – Kids with the most intense needs often end up in foster care because their families cannot handle them. Mental health resources for children are terrible. Kids like this need therapeutic school environments as well as trained living situations. Even excellent insurance only pays a tiny fraction of inpatient treatment after the child is no longer suicidal. I know families who terminated their rights in hopes the state would pay. The kids ended up in a cycle of group homes and short stay hospitalizations. It is heartbreaking. I don’t have a clue how to solve this. Kids are in serious crisis. There are residential facilities but the good ones cost the moon and abuse there is also a BIG issue.

blogger’s note – I understand this completely because my parents were faced with an inability to help my sister due to the costs that would have been involved. She was already an adult and never in foster care. And my were unable to get any information about the extent of her problems due to health care privacy laws.

From an adoptee who is also a behavioral health social worker – I know of no state that provides adequate mental health services for children and adolescents with intense behavioral, emotional, and mental health needs. Sadly, services are patched together to try to meet needs, until eventually many of these young people cause enough trouble that they end up in the criminal justice system, where unfortunately, there’s always room for one more.