Unexplainable Peace

*Image is not the couple in today’s story*

After a medical procedure, they were very hopeful they would easily get pregnant. Years passed, nothing happened. The doctors labeled it “unexplained infertility”.

Being very religious people, they came to realize that God works wonder in the “unexplained”. After procedures, tests, a miscarriage (a clear and definite “NO” from Life) and many tears, they surrendered.

Through letting go of what they had in their own mind, they reached an “unexplainable” peace about moving forward with adoption.

Then comes the kicker – unfortunately, there is no hiding the fact that adoption is extremely expensive. Of course, they have chosen a Christian adoption agency. Even so, the total cost is $35,000-$40,000.

So, God told them to start a GoFundMe to acquire the $35,000 they needed to adopt a newborn infant ? Skeptics question that it was God telling them to do that.

What Would You Do

I learned a story about a 25 year old woman, a single mom of a 4 year old son, with stage 4 cervical cancer. She noted that “I don’t have friends or family who can raise my son. My biggest fear is my child ending up in the foster system or with people who are not good or don’t love him.” Intrigued by her story, I went looking further and ended up at her LINK>GoFundMe page (and I’m not in a financial situation where I could help at the moment).

I learned there that she did succeed in getting a 2nd opinion at MD Anderson – “cancer is incurable but treatable. Meaning that, they can only keep my cancer at bay with treatment, but I’ll always have this cancer. He let me know that it will eventually take my life. If treatment works, my lifespan could range to hopefully years. If treatment doesn’t work, I’m likely looking at a couple months to a year to live. They made it definitely known to me the gravity of it all and how it really doesn’t look good. This scared the hell out of me.” Understandably.

She went for a third opinion – His advice to me was to make plans for my son after I pass. Since then, that’s what I’ve been focused on. I’m trying to find an adoptive family that is understanding of my situation. I’m trying to take as much time as possible to get to know and choose the right family. I believe I have possibly found suitable adopters. However, they live in Indiana currently (she lives in Nevada).

In my all things adoption group, it was suggested that she look into Guardianship Assistance Programs. Those programs help you match with a family (usually foster or hopeful adoptive), AND do not terminate your parental rights. The Guardianship Assistance process keeps your identity on all vital records but allows for a custody transfer that you can be a part of as things change for you. The programs can be hard to find and navigate alone. Assistance in doing so was offered to her.

On Facebook, I see she has posted as recently as last month. Sending the healing energy of my heart her way. I cannot imagine . . . but this is a sad reality in our world that happens. In some of my own exploring, I learned about LINK>City of Hope that has been an important help in some difficult cases (like insurance refusing to cover a necessary procedure).

Income Inequality and the Pandemic

There are hopeful adoptive parents who are so self-absorbed that they view the economic hardships brought on by the shutdown of the country to mitigate the spread of the coronavirus as a silver lining potential blessing.

They are hoping that financially distressed single pregnant women may be more likely to chose to surrender their babies to adoption under the current circumstances. This is a sad truth of our often selfish times that such people would be thinking this way but apparently this is the truth.

Instead of feeling compassion for women in those situations, they are hoping and praying it leads to something they want. This is always the case with domestic infant adoption which is generally 100% selfish.

It’s not about finding a baby a home. These babies have families. 9 out of every 10 placements occur because of financial pressures. Hopeful/adoptive parents often like to believe every birth mom just didn’t want her kid. That’s rarely the case. It’s almost always as simple as a lack of money.

The truth is that these babies are highly in demand and sought after. That’s why it costs so much to adopt domestically, supply vs demand. It’s exactly why it often takes years for someone to adopt. There’s a shortage of these babies vs waiting hopeful adoptive parents.

During a global pandemic, hopeful adoptive parents are still begging for money via GoFundMe, YouCaring, and hitting their friends up to buy ridiculously overpriced t-shirts.

Domestic infant adoption is almost always a baby going from a poor family to a middle/upper class one. The foundation of adoption centers around privilege, and the lack of it. The haves vs the have nots.

These are facts. Hopeful adoptive parents and their WANTS drive the billion dollar a year adoption industry. It drives the manipulative and coercive tactics used in adoption. All for $$$. It’s all about money.