Today’s story (and not mine, which is usually the case with the stories I share but which I ALWAYS feel have an important point to make). The woman is both an adoptee herself and a mother of loss (meaning no longer has physical custody of her children).

Basically, my rights were violated (I know, everyone who is a mother who lost custody of her child/children had that happen) and I didn’t even sign a Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). No, the State didn’t take my children; my sister was my guardian, co-guardian with my parents and SHE signed the TPR paperwork; I didn’t even see it – to allow my parents to adopt my children.

Both my children are under 18 years old, the oldest is only a few years away, but she’s “incapacitated” and wouldn’t be able to make the decision to come find me, which I’m not even sure they’re even being told that they were adopted. The youngest is under10 years old and was still a toddler when COVID happened (the Christmas before is when I spent longer than 5 minutes with her). I doubt she would remember me.

I’ve been told I could adopt them back but being an adopted child myself, I hesitate to do something traumatizing to my children like what happened to me. Being that my parents are the ones that raised my children and the only ones they know as “parents”, would it be selfish of me to move forward with this ?

I just hope one day that the right questions get asked and the youngest starts looking for me. Then I can address whether it’s best to keep my children with my parents. The adoption took place in late 2018, early 2019 (the time it probably took for finalization). I wasn’t ever told the exact date; but I know that a court hearing took place in 2018.

When a commenter said – “pretty sure that’s illegal!! And I’m pretty sure all parties have to be notified and served for a court date! Your children deserve to have their mother and I mean their real mother, not some wanna be, in their lives. Are these the people that adopted you ?” The woman clarifies –  “I was there at all court dates, but my sister insisted on being my “voice” and of course, I didn’t want to be held in contempt – so I kept my mouth shut except to say to the judge, ‘this is what they want, I don’t really have a say.’ The sister that signed is my biological half sister (I didn’t know that she was only a half sister until adulthood). She was adopted at the same time I was. She worships the ground the adoptive parents walk on.”

The commenter makes a guess – “They threw you away the moment they had your precious babies in their clutches ! Was there ever an access order put in place when the adoption was finalized ?” She responds – “They ‘promised’ to keep me ‘in the loop’, but then COVID happened and they used that as an excuse to cut me out completely. They were technically still my guardians until June of 2022, but they never came to actually see me; it was all done over the phone.” The commenter answers – “I’d be finding a way to sue these people ! I know it’s probably not possible but what they’ve done to you is wrong !! And they need to be stopped from doing it again. The children will have trauma – no matter what – and quite frankly being with their mommy is what’s best for them !”

Another commenter asked an obvious question – “What was the reason for the guardianship, I am not judging.” The woman’s reply was – “I consented to a temporary guardianship when they sat at my kitchen table and I let them (adoptive mother and sister) take care of all the paperwork. When I got to the court hearing, suddenly it was a permanent guardianship and I had no idea how to object at the time. I was 23, in an abusive relationship, and pregnant (even though they’ll argue that the pregnancy should have no bearing on my consent). Some background – I graduated at 19 from high school, moved 3+ counties away for “independent living” care help when I was 20, moved to where I currently live when I was 21 for a job (which I’ve had going on 16 years), and basically got “ghosted” by them from then on, until suddenly they reappeared in November when I was 23, in order to petition for guardianship.”

Some advice about smoothing a transition came – “I would definitely accept the opportunity to get them back. You can do a transition to minimize damage and increase visits over time and perhaps some therapeutic visits or therapy for them with someone who would help them navigate the transition back to you as smoothly as possible.”