Tag: Leukemia

Before It’s Too Late

No easy answers to today’s story – I was adopted at birth. Back in 2009, my birth mother was contacted by the adoption agency on my behalf about initiating contact. I was about 27 at the time. She told them it was too hard for her to open up that part of her life again, cried and said I’m loved and hopes I’m happy and healthy and provided a brief family medical history. In her defense, they called her at work out of the blue.

I’ve left it at that the last 15 years. Part of me respected her position on it and had empathy, part of me obviously felt so confused and rejected, and part of me is still mad that it’s all her decision. Through the craziest of circumstances and coincidences, I’ve learned that I know multiple people that know her (she has no idea I know who she is) and have been blessed with the vast majority of my questions answered and I know a lot about her and her family. Recently, someone told me they think she’s going through cancer treatment. Been thinking about reaching out and wondering if anyone has done that after being shut down in the past.

One who was adopted by their stepfather writes –  I didn’t find out I was adopted by who turned out to be my stepdad until I was 26 and fully by accident. I reached out to my birth dad and was shut down. Years later I, found out through the grapevine he has leukemia. In my heart, I was wanting to help him, so I reached out again. This time the door was slammed so hard that I never emotionally recovered. Based solely on my personal experience, my advice is she meant what she said and leave it or risk being hurt again.

Another adoptee writes – I was rejected by my biological mom after we had been in reunion and I’m not sure I’ve ever recovered either. I’m so sorry. I find comfort in knowing I’m not alone. It sucks that it’s this club we are in! 

Another adoptee suggests – What if you had someone reach out on your behalf, like a mediator? I think you will always wonder. You know what the worst case scenario is… get comfortable with it (as much as one can) and then go for it.

And another adoptee also – I’d take the risk, because you may never get a second chance. At least then, you’ll know either way how it plays out.

The original person responds – yeah, you’re probably right. I found my biological dad and family this year and just reached out to my brother on social media without a second thought. I was nervous but just said F it and did it. It’s been great! But, I do feel the parent relationship and particularly the mom is far more complicated on both sides.

Then one from experience – I say do it. My mother died of cancer and I was sorry that we never made peace before she passed. If she doesn’t want to connect with you, at least you tried and you will have that much peace with the circumstances.

A transracial adoptee writes – I would try again. Definitely be prepared for rejection, though. Both of my bios seemed interested in a relationship, then changed their minds. It is pretty awful and heartbreaking.

One who grew up in foster care writes – I didn’t meet my biological father until I was an adult and I put it off when I was 18 because I wasn’t ready. Sadly, he died 2 years later and I do wonder if I should have been more open and met earlier, we would have had more time. The bottom line is, because you’re asking and wondering, you don’t seem to have complete closure, and you deserve that. No matter the outcome, if you try again and even say everything you want to say, maybe write a letter, and get to say that you just want to get to know her with no expectations or that you’re not upset with her or whatever you truly feel, or that you won’t ever reach out again but you had to try one last time… whatever you want to say … get it off your chest, give yourself that chance and that closure.

The original person responds – Yes, this is exactly what I’ve wanted to do for the last 15 years. Not knowing exactly how to know – did she even receive my request ? When the agency recapped the conversation, it felt like she thought I was gunning for her. Like I was showing up to say, “why did you do this to me?” She got pregnant her senior year and I’ve seen pictures of her at that time. She was such a child and I strongly feel she didn’t have a choice in the matter. There are so many things I want to tell her but I want to be certain she sees it, so I’m not wondering about that forever.

A birth mother adds a hopeful and realistic note – A lot can change in 15 years. She might really want to be reunited right now but life keeps getting in the way. Or maybe she doesn’t want to burden you with her recent diagnosis.

From An Orphan Train to Quiet Fame

Adoptee/Composer eden “ahbe” ahbez

Born George Alexander Aberle in Brooklyn, New York, to a Jewish father, George Philip Aberle, and an English mother Margaret Annie (Mason) Aberle. He spent his early years in the Brooklyn Hebrew Orphan Asylum of New York. He then traveled in an LINK>Orphan Train and was adopted, in 1917, by a family in Chanute, Kansas, and raised under the name George McGrew.

In 1941, he arrived in Los Angeles and began playing piano in the Eutropheon, a small health food store and raw food restaurant on Laurel Canyon Boulevard. The cafe was owned by John and Vera Richter, who followed a Naturmensch and Lebensreform philosophy influenced by the LINK>Wandervogel movement in Germany. (A protest against industrialization expressed by hiking and communing with nature in the woods.) He was a vegetarian. He recalled once telling a policeman: “I look crazy but I’m not. And the funny thing is that other people don’t look crazy but they are.”

Their followers were known as “Nature Boys.” The concept brought him quiet fame when Nat King Cole recorded his song LINK>Nature Boy (also a favorite of my own). They wore long hair and beards and ate only raw fruits and vegetables. During this period, he adopted the name “eden ahbez”, choosing to spell his name with lower-case letters, claiming that only the words God and Infinity were worthy of capitalization.

Some time in 1947, he married Anna Jacobson, only a month after they met. The couple had a son, Tatha Om Ahbez. His wife died August 9, 1963 at the age of 47 from the complications of Leukemia. His son, who went by “Zoma,” drowned in 1971 at the age of 22.

Ahbez was discovered living under the Hollywood Sign and became the focus of a media frenzy when Nat King Cole’s version of “Nature Boy” shot to #1 on the Billboard charts and remained there for eight consecutive weeks during the summer of 1948. In early 1948, RKO Radio Pictures paid ahbez $10,000 for the rights to “Nature Boy” to use as the theme song for their film LINK>The Boy with Green Hair. He received credit as the song’s composer. Interestingly, the movie is about an orphan who wakes up with green hair and seeks solace in a nearby forest. He finds other orphans in the woods and they encourage him to spread news about the injustices of war.

When he was asked about racism, Ahbe replied, “Some white people hate black people, and some white people love black people, some black people hate white people, and some black people love white people. So you see it’s not an issue of black and white, it’s an issue of Lovers and Haters.” It was that theme of love that he continued to talk about, what was missing in the world, and what would be needed in the future if we are to survive. Some of his lyrics on Nature Boy include – “This he said to me…The greatest thing you’ll ever learn…Is just to love and be loved in return.”

Ahbez died on March 4, 1995, of injuries sustained in a car crash, at the age of 86.