Tag: Locked Out

Back Together Again

Image is not the people in today’s story from my all things adoption group –

When I was 6 weeks old, my biological mother abandoned me. My grandparents got guardianship of me and ended up adopting me when I was 6. My biological mother, that same year, gave birth to my brother. She and his father end up abusing him, so my grandparents become his legal guardians. Unfortunately, my grandparents chose not keep us together and so adopted him out. The family he was adopted into could not have kids at the time he was adopted but then, later on they ended up actually having 4 biological kids of their own.

The adoptive family were racist people ! They abused him mentally, financially, and physically. They had cut all ties with me, claiming I was a bad influence because I would call him my brother, which was confusing their other kids. Fast forward, when he was 13-14 years old, they locked him out of the house due to a physical altercation. His adoptive mother claimed he was the cause it happened but the only person that was beaten up was him. He was told to “go find a new family, that he was not wanted anymore”.

The first person he called was me ! My grandma and I drove for 10 hours overnight. We contacted a lawyer and went to see him (he was at a friend’s). That started a long, hard, 3 year battle in court to get him away from them.

This situation really shined a light for me on how messed up the system is ! I’m happy to say my grandparents won ! We all won !! Today marks the 2 year anniversary of us becoming brother and sister legally again !! I am happy to say he is thriving since getting away from those people. Our bond throughout the years never wavered !

When No Longer Needed

What happens to an expectant Mom, who’s coerced into relinquishing her children for adoption ?

Simple answer… They are kicked to the curb !

If the vultures are nice, the expectant mother lives out her last month of pregnancy in a room or apartment that was rented for her.

If the poor woman was living with the hopeful adoptive parents, now that they are adoptive parents, the original mom is not allowed back into the home. Maybe, they will moved her somewhere else, but only if they are nice adoptive parents and then, only until the end of the month.

Maybe, she will be given a bus ticket, when leaving the hospital – or given $500.00 bucks to begin a new life going forward.

If an agency is involved, she may be told she can see an agency therapist or counselor for a couple months. Beware, the only reason why that is offered, is to make certain the natural mother doesn’t change her mind and ask for her own child back.

Why do some people find this so damn shocking ?

The natural mother has served her purpose ! Private couples and private agencies have NO use for the original mother after the paperwork is signed. Is this wrong, abusive, selfish, and self serving ? Absolutely and this is how expectant mothers who chose adoption are treated every day!!! Natural mother’s are promised the world and are then shit on. In foster care cases, they will receive even less consideration.

One true story example – my brother’s mom lived with us. I was 6 and loved her. As soon as she gave birth, I never saw her again (on purpose, I did run into her a few times as an adult) and even at that young age, I was heartbroken for her and couldn’t understand how they could separate them. I was sure she was always going to live with us.

Another true story with a very unusual twist – the children of the family I lived with, asked if the baby they were now seeing was mine. Kids know. I actually babysat them afterwards. It’s how I found out when she was 18 months old, that my daughter was in the ICU.

Yet another example – I lived with a friend of the adoptive parents until my baby was born. Then she (the friend) picked us up at the hospital, dropped me off at my mother’s and took my baby away. It was the last time I ever saw and held her.

Lastly, one adoptee discovered – I just realized the words “natural mother” are very triggering for me. I literally got sick reading those words, not because of what was said related to what I was reading but because my abusive adoptive parent would say “you’ll turn out just like your natural mother.” and “Your natural mother was a bad person.” etc.

Unwed expectant mothers considering adoption need to be aware that promises made to them pre-birth may not be honored after the child is born and relinquished to the adopting parents.