I am a defender of family preservation but I am also a realist and know the world is not so perfect. Today’s heartbreaking story (which had a lot of affirming me too’s, sadly).

An adoptee who spent time in foster care writes – I made this in preschool. They said “make a Christmas decoration for your mommies”. I was already in foster care at the time and the ‘M’ word made my tummy sick. I made it anyway and gave it to my foster mother, asking her to hold onto it because I didn’t have a mommy.

I was unfortunately returned to my abuser/birth giver not long after. That foster mother did hold onto this frame, until I came back into her care many years later. I never got to thank her for keeping it safe. Please save the little things. You have no idea how big they really are.

She added – I encourage foster parents to make crafts with their kids addressed to ‘their future self’, instead of focusing on guardians or parents. Maybe have them add a small note on the back to future them (‘Did we ever see the mountains?’.. ‘I hope we still love reading!’)

Responses – I’m so sorry your biological mom was abusive. I know exactly what that’s like. And another – Empathy from a former foster kid who kept getting returned to their abusive birth parent.

Another shares – I was just talking to my daughter today about looking at pictures of myself as a child and just seeing her face and how painful it is to know how unprotected I was. After becoming a mom you see your child self so differently. It hurts a different part of you. I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope this lady made you feel safe and loved. It sounds like she really cared.

Someone who was in foster care as a youth noted – I could relate to this so much. It stinks to not have baby photos or memories, or know my birth weight. Just another thing that makes me feel not normal. Similarly another with the same foster care experience said – Making things like that in foster care is so weird but it still holds meaning that no one else understands. I remember many times as a kid asking to go to the guidance counselor when those activities came up (which my school allowed).