Many of us learned by witnessing the effect of non-verbal learning disability in the reaction of Gov Tim Walz son while his dad was making his keynote speech this week at the Democratic National Convention. I saw it. What I noticed was how his mother and sister immediately supported him.
My youngest son was uncontrollably emotional when he was very young. So much so, that we avoided triggering a crying spell as much as possible. I do not believe he has this disability but my heart really does understand it. I am thankful he has outgrown that tendency.
All 3 of my guys are most likely Asperger syndrome people. They are very highly intelligent and quirky in their own ways. Probably also a bit OCD. Heck, I may be a bit of all of that myself. LOL
My youngest is also my love bug and would often console me when his older brother upset me with I ❤ U notes to put against my chest. He still prefers a peaceful environment and not upset.
In a cruel shameless fashion some far right persons issued critical comments about Gus and his emotional love for his dad. I’ve seen my own husband tear up with something emotional really touched his heart. I’ve always thought that beautiful.
Because I am familiar with certain quirky personality traits in my own home, I went looking for more information about NVLD. If you would like to know more, here is a link to get you started – LINK>Possible Signs of NVLD.
Ok, sometime platitudes simply don’t cut it. Some people have such enormous challenges that life is going to be ongoingly difficult.
Here’s one example –
4 mos pregnant with her 4th child in Texas. Birth control failure. Homeless. Two of the other three kids are autistic. Husband is a disabled vet and is autistic as well. The VA trying to get them into a housing program. No familial support. Employment challenges, childcare issues. She has depression, anxiety, and OCD. “I feel stupid and lost and hopeless. I feel like the only solution is giving this baby up for adoption and that makes me feel ashamed.”
So, here is the impossible choice – abort or parent. She already understands adoption is trauma. Her question – is staying with parents so ill equipped to handle another child just trauma too? The thought of raising another child fills her with dread. She doesn’t know how she can handle it. She has no clue how they’ll do it, where they will be living, where she’ll give birth, etc. So many unknowns make her constantly feel on edge and like panicking.
Then came lots of suggestions and even some offers to help in some way or other but maybe the most important was this affirmation and encouragement –
Ok first off, take some deep breaths.
Let’s address some issues with how you are feeling first, then we can go into options and resources.
This is the most important part.
You are not dumb.
You are not useless.
You are not a hopeless case.
You are not a failure.
You are not a bad parent.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
You are not any of those things that negative, evil voice in the back of your head is telling you.
You are not any of those things others in society may tell you.
I know that voice and those people all too well myself. They are all liars.
Now let’s talk about what you ARE and why.
You are strong.
It takes strength to make the hard decisions. To put the needs of your kids above your own and that’s what you have been doing. You could have bailed on your kids anytime. But you haven’t. You are pushing through.
You are worthy.
You are so worthy of love, compassion and empathy for zero reason other than you being you.
You are smart.
You are taking time to really evaluate a situation and try to make the best decision. You are reaching out for help, and that’s wisdom.
You are not a failure or hopeless.
You are not either of those things because you aren’t giving up. You are trying. As long as you are trying, you are never a failure.
Now to your issue.
Take your husband out of the equation. Do you want to have this baby? If you do, I assure you resources can be found to help you parent.
If you want an abortion, I assure you, safe access can be found for you.
But the alternative to abortion isn’t adoption. The alternative to abortion is parenting.
I think you should stop and think through if you want to continue this pregnancy or not. Its your decision, period.
Either way, there are people who will support you and I’ve seen miracles in this regard – either to help someone parent, or to get whatever help or access is needed.
Life simply wants us to never give up – take the next logical step and know the temporary nature of many challenges we each inevitably face.
Missing Mom 