I read a comment unrelated to the topics in this blog encouraging the need for secure attachments – “If we would start at the beginning of life and support the development of secure attachment, I think that we would have fewer damaged people to deal with.” So, I went looking and found this at LINK>The Attachment Project –

Attachment disruption occurs for all adoptive children as they experience separation from their primary caregivers. Whether their early relationships were secure or insecure, the separation breaks the early attachment bond. What’s more, for some adoptive children, attachment bonds break multiple times as they move from placement to placement before reaching their permanent adoptive home. 

The first two years after birth are essential for forming healthy early attachment relationships. In this critical window of time, children develop their “template” or “mental representation” of what a caregiver-child relationship looks and feels like. In fact, at just six weeks of age, children start to prefer their primary and secondary caregiver(s) over others. This preference forms because children begin to develop trust that their caregivers will attend to their needs at this stage of their life. They start to understand that when they cry for food, love, and attention, their caregiver will give it to them. Or, in some instances, won’t. 

Therefore, this early window of time is clearly vital for a child’s understanding of whether other people are trustworthy and dependable. And also for the establishment of healthy levels of self-worth and confidence. After all, children’s templates for self-view are grounded in how the people closest to them tend to their needs.

Attachment disorder can occur due to separation from caregivers or being moved from one to another, like with adoption or foster care. Attachment disorder in adopted children is called adoption attachment disorder. These childrens’ difficulties engaging with and being soothed by their caregivers are protective behaviors learned through childhood. 

Anger problems or control issues may manifest in children with insecure early attachments. Attachment difficulties often persist into adulthood. Insecure-ambivalent parents often express a wide array of emotional states to their infant, some of which may be “negative” such as distress upon crying or occasional detachment. Adoptive parents may not often connect with their infant through physical touch and language. Thus, attention is lacking. A parent who has an insecure attachment with their parent is susceptible to passing this down. Infants adopted at birth may also struggle to attach to their adoptive parents, and parents may not find it easy to jump into nurturing right away.

blogger’s note – in letters my mom’s adoptive mother wrote back to the Tennessee Children’s Home after taking my baby mom from Memphis TN to Nogales AZ by train indicate that she struggled to respond to my mom’s distress and it appears from what she wrote that she even resorted to a “calming” medication from her pediatrician to assist her.