A Very Sad Story

Malcolm Latif Shabazz, grandson of Malcolm X

I was tracking down this quote for our Independence Day –

“You’re not supposed to be so blind with patriotism
that you can’t face reality.
Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it.”
~ Malcolm X

When I encountered the story of his grandson, Malcolm Latif Shabazz. I didn’t know the story until today, though it is an old one.

In Philadelphia, one landlord there remembered frequently having to let young Malcolm into the apartment because his mother was not at home. Malcolm showed some evidence of disturbance as a child. As a three-year-old, he reportedly set fire to his shoes.

In 1995, his mother Qubilah was charged with trying to hire an assassin to kill Louis Farrakhan. Under the terms of her plea agreement, she was required to undergo psychological counseling and treatment for drug and alcohol abuse for a two-year period in order to avoid a prison sentence. For the duration of her treatment, ten-year-old Malcolm was sent to live with Betty at her apartment in Yonkers NY.

In 1997, his mother called the police saying she wanted him committed to a mental hospital. After a brief stay, Malcolm was released. His mother said she was going to place him in foster care but sent Malcolm back to New York on April 26 to live with his grandmother instead.

On June 1 1997, Malcolm Shabazz (then 12 years old) started a fire in Betty Shabazz’s apartment. She suffered burns over 80 percent of her body. The police found Malcolm wandering the streets, barefoot and reeking of gasoline. Betty Shabazz died of her injuries on June 23 1997. At a hearing, experts described Malcolm as psychotic and schizophrenic. He was also described as “brilliant but disturbed.”

His lawyers accepted that he started the fire but argued he intended no real harm to his grandmother. Shabazz pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 18 months of juvenile detention at Hillcrest Education Center in Pittsfield MA for manslaughter and arson, with possible annual extensions until his 18th birthday. Shabazz was eventually released after four years.

His version of the fire and the events leading up to it – he had been unhappy living in New York with his grandmother and had stated: “Being bad, doing anything to get them to send me back to my mother. Then I got the idea to set the fire.” Shabazz continued: “I set a fire in the hallway, and I didn’t think the whole thing through thoroughly, but she didn’t have to run through that fire … There was another way out of the house from her room. I guess what she thought was, I was stuck, and she had to run and get me because it was in front of my room as well. She ran through the fire. I did not picture that happening, that she would do that.”

Shabazz died in Mexico City on May 9 2013, at the age of 28. He was said to be on a tour to demand more rights for Mexican construction workers relocated to the US. His body, which according to prosecutors had been badly beaten with a rod of some kind, was found in the street in Plaza Garibaldi, a busy tourist spot.

Malcolm Latif Shabazz was survived by his mother and his two daughters. He was buried in Ferncliff Cemetery in Hartsdale NY, near the graves of his grandparents, Malcolm X and Betty Shabazz.

“When a person is unable to complete a mourning task in childhood, he either has to surrender his emotions in order that they do not suddenly overwhelm him, or else he may be haunted constantly throughout his life with a sadness for which he can never find an appropriate explanation.”
~ Wyatt Emory Cooper, The Importance of Grieving

I’ve Seen The Damage

In my young adulthood, I saw some of the worst. Any substance addiction is not an easy nut to crack. It’s impact on parenting can’t be denied. Today’s story asks this question – Is it possible to support someone in parenting in ways that are physically and psychologically safe while that person is using meth?

A family friend who is incarcerated has a baby who has been in foster care since birth. The baby will be returned to her when the mother gets out of prison when the baby is about a year old. A parent-child rehab program will be provided, follow up substance use disorder programs will be offered, and the mother has access to familial financial support as well as support with housing and childcare (though she has currently declined childcare assistance). But she permanently lost custody of her first child due to inadequate care of the infant as a result of daily meth intoxication, and I want to ensure that that doesn’t happen again. She has had relapses every time she has left prison or rehab or psych facilities throughout her entire adolescence and adulthood (but she is a very young adult). I hope she doesn’t resume use, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice for helping her keep and take good care of her baby/ toddler even if she continues to struggle with addiction to the point that eliminating use of meth is not possible for her.

A physician comments – Being under the influence of drugs is NEVER safe. There is NEVER a safe amount of use that is ok. You can’t hit “the pause button” in being the person that is responsible for child while you get high and think that your entire constitution and judgment isn’t taxed and under the influence for a considerable amount of time after. If you are still using, then do not trust yourself that you are actually caring for your self, and much less adequately caring for additional humans who are critically growing and very needy, independent beings.

However, another person had a very different perspective – you see it at its worst. You don’t see it functioning day to day. Big difference. My SIL was a functioning parent with substance use disorder for decades. My neighbor as well. Many others I have known. It’s like anyone dealing with chronic disease. They need support.

The doctor responded – I deal with addicts, families, social workers, lawyers every single day. That’s 70% of who is in an ICU bed right now that we are caring for and all paying for. Yes, I agree they do need support 100%. They do not need to be responsible for a child while *using* drugs. Blessing to your SIL to have a support system around her, like a loving family that cares enough to do that. Most addicts do not have what your SIL has. That is not the reality of most people in this world, and one of the reasons they get into addiction to begin with. There is no such thing as a safe amount of drugs. It doesn’t work like that. Your brain gets rewired and your judgment is altered.

To which the person responded – I am so tired of people not understanding that there are people that are functional but still struggling with substance use disorder. They hear the word drugs and they make some serious assumptions about the person. I am going to “not all” here because I am so tired of the assumptions being made when it comes to substance use disorder.

Many have a support system for when they are active that keeps children safe. Being that support system is important. I didn’t see one comment from anybody saying that the original poster should be a support system. The only thing I’m seeing is people saying “nope can’t parent” “drug user? can’t parent”. People parent with disabilities that can also put children at risk, but nobody says a thing about them losing their kids.

Functional drug use IS a thing ! Stop making broad brush stroke assumptions of those challenged with substance use disorder !

Bottom line, there is this – The safety of the child has to come first. If someone is actively using they are at risk for psychosis (and if you haven’t seen that in someone you love I pray you never do). Absolutely the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen and I felt unsafe as an adult being around someone in that state. It’s extremely dangerous for the child if the parent is seeing things that aren’t there, having delusions, etc. If you know someone is actively using around a small child you should either be intervening yourself or reporting them.

Recovery is possible and family and friend support play a big role in that. Just because someone has relapsed doesn’t mean they will again. It also doesn’t mean they will be using around their child. It’s great that’s she’s willing to go into treatment with baby. I would do everything you can to support her and let her know you see her beating the odds and are proud of her if you have the kind of relationship you can talk about those things.

And there was this advice – Her focus should be finding employment with medical insurance so that she is not on welfare and is not a target for state intrusion. She should focus on taking care of her children, being physically active and healthy, join a gym, exercise, garden, take care of her house. Keep the rif raf away from her house. Maintain normal hours – no rotating cast of strangers through the house – no visitors after 10 pm. Work hard at maintaining a schedule and sticking to it. She probably has ADHD and should get medication like Ritalin or Wellbutrin for it, which will address chemical imbalances that she has. She has to work extra hard at keeping up appearances – she’ll be held to a higher standard of care than other mothers. She can’t mess up. Nothing is worse for a child than having their parent taken away from them and even if she cannot take care of her child full time, every effort should be made to have her do as much as she possibly can for her child as a parent, not as a visitor.

I’ll end with this observation – it is hard to overcome generations of addiction, mental illness, and poverty. It’s just not simple.

Today’s Teens Are A Lot More Understanding

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is believed to be caused by overwhelming experiences, traumatic events and/or abuse during childhood. This came up today in association with a former foster care youth who had a terrible experience in foster care, is now in her teens and wants to share that with others.

One mature woman shared her experience – I went into the system at 3, taken from mom at 5, and emancipated through marriage at 16. I tried to share my story. I got a lot of rejection from other teens. That was a different time, though. Teens these days are a lot more understanding of trauma and mental illness and they welcome the opportunity to hold space for those who have gone through horrific experiences.

Another person was very supportive of this teen’s desire saying, It’s her story and she’s old enough to share. Will she receive backlash….possibly. But I bet she’s going to get more support vs. backlash, which is what she is seeking. She’s seeking a community that says “I hear you and I understand”.

Foster care children have been stripped of everything. It is hard to understand why people would take children into their home for foster care and not intend to make them feel at home. Examples –

Only buying the child the bare minimum or giving them hand me downs. One mature woman who was once in foster care shares – It always made me feel less than or like a charity case.. often I was given her biological daughters clothes/school supplies from the previous year etc. I remember the first time I got my own winter coat at around 7-8 years old. It was like Christmas to me.

It is no wonder children subjected to these situations develop personality coping mechanisms. Schizophrenia and DID are often confused with each other, but they’re very different things. Schizophrenia is a psychotic illness: symptoms include delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, disorganized thoughts, speech and movements and social withdrawal. It does not involve alternate personalities or dissociation.

People with DID are not delusional or hallucinating their alternate personalities. Individuals with DID may experience some symptoms related to psychosis, such as hearing voices, but DID and schizophrenia are two different illnesses. There are very few documented cases linking crime to DID. The idea of an ‘evil’ alter is not true. People with DID are more likely than the general population to be re-traumatized and experience further abuse and violence.

Personality disorders are a constant fixed pattern of feeling and behaving over time, usually developing in early adulthood. Personality disorders, like borderline personality disorder, involve extreme emotional responses and patterns of behavior which make it hard for the person with the disorder to have stable relationships and function in society.

DID is a dissociative disorder. Rather than extreme emotional reactions to the world, people living with DID lose contact with themselves: their memories, sense of identity, emotions and behavior. Unlike personality disorders, DID may first manifest at almost any age.