Tag: Religious Perspectives

Is It A Crisis ?

I used to worry about over-population. Five decades ago, Paul Ehrlich’s book The Population Bomb sparked global fears of “mass starvation” on a “dying planet” because of overpopulation.

One doesn’t hear about that very much anymore. I have two son that are early 20s. The older one at 23 is certain he will never have children. The younger one doesn’t talk about it at all. My husband was already 36 when we married, I was 34 and had previously been married and have a daughter by that marriage who was born in 1973. I didn’t foresee having 2 more children at 47 and 50 years of age but I have no regrets that we did this. When I discovered that it would be near impossible for me to conceive naturally at such an advanced age, I lamented that now that my husband was ready, I was too old to honor his desire to be a father. My OB said – “there is a way” – and we took “the way” he suggested and ran with it. We were incredibly lucky throughout the process overall.

So, what kind of crisis is this ? A baby crisis, a population crisis, a fertility crisis, a demographic crisis, an ageing crisis and/or an economic crisis ? There are many possible explanations and each of those kinds of crisis is some part of what some people think is a problematic issue for people globally going into the future. I don’t personally know if this really is “a problem” or not. It simply is the current reality. Thankfully, medical science does have some tools that did not exist in the past for those of us who remarry and those who wake up older one day and fear they missed their only opportunity to become parents.

It is also true that when women are more educated, more liberated, and more able to access contraception, they start having fewer children. An Institute For Health Metrics and Evaluation study noted that low-income places with higher fertility rates – such as sub-Sarahan Africa, which is set to contribute over half the world’s births by 2100 – will need better access to contraceptives and female education. This why, in many less developed countries, the effort is to educate more girls and provide them with birth control access, which also means that they don’t have to marry young and have lots of babies, if that isn’t their interest in reaching maturity.

The truth is that government really can’t do much to change this trajectory (and personally, I don’t know that government needs to). Pro-natal policies, such as free childcare, better parental care leave, financial incentives and employment rights, won’t boost fertility rates up to replacement levels. The 70s dip in having babies was largely thanks to the birth control pill, which also contributed to fewer teen pregnancies. That is generally considered a good thing that leads to fewer babies given up for adoption. Other factors included big social changes around gender equality, with women increasingly educated, working and with access to no-fault divorce. I certainly made use of no-fault divorce back in the mid-70s and was on birth control throughout my child-bearing years. I also started being employed while still in high school.

Jennifer Sciubba, author of 8 Billion and Counting: How Sex, Death and Migration Shape Our World, notes that following the “success sequence” – getting an education, a great job, a home, some savings – means pushing back having children. And once people have more money, they also want to have other things in their lives that kids might detract from – going out for a nice meal, taking a holiday, a full night’s sleep.

Having more than two can seem unimaginably intensive, hard and expensive, she says, but it’s never just the money. What about family and community support ? Religion ? The “little logistics” like needing a new car to fit enough car seats ? blogger’s note – Yeah, this explains a lot about that leaning into Christian Nationalism by conservatives and their Project 2025. Through east Asia, Sciubba says, the idea is spreading that “marriage is no longer required to have a good life. It might actually stifle your life because of gender relations within the household”.

Thanks to this article in The Guardian for many of today’s concepts and details. You can read the full article at this LINK>Birthrates are plummeting worldwide. Can governments turn the tide? by Tory Shepherd

God Didn’t Do This

This is normal, this happens….birth mothers do change their mind, there’s always that chance. Adoption reformers want more expectant mothers to give raising their baby themselves a chance, rather than succumbing to adoption industry coercion, manipulation and narratives.

Still, there is another side to such stories and so here is the point of view from the disappointment suffered by a prospective adoptive parents –

I would love to tell you that we have spent the last few days soaking in the joy of being new parents, but our birth mom changed her mind at discharge and they took our little girl. Instead of coming home to her room, she went home to an empty RV with only the outfit she was wearing. No crib, no clothes, no books, no bassinet, no nothing, her “home” is as empty as our hearts.

There is no greater pain than losing a child and while we’re so thankful that she’s okay; we have lost her and we’re not okay. The pain in our hearts hurts so deep that our bodies physically ache. We can’t eat or drink because it does not go past the lump in our throats. I have hundreds of messages asking about her and sending love and congratulations but I can’t even look at them. I don’t want to go in public, I don’t want to have to explain this, I don’t want to hear people say they are sorry.

We spent 5 months remodeling our house and getting her room ready, but now our house no longer feels like home. Carrying that empty carseat out of the hospital and into our house were the hardest steps I’ve ever taken in my life. I keep praying the birth mom will change her mind but I’m also truly struggling with my faith. How can God do this to us? What have I possibly done to deserve such heartache?

I’ve found my husband on the floor in her room reading her books and just sobbing. My son held me so close crying on my shoulder and said “mom you’re too kind for this world and it’s a blessing and curse, but please don’t let this change you. The world needs more people like you to be a light in the dark.” I quite literally melted to the floor, but how do you not let this change you??!?! I’m cold, I’m numb, I’m broken, I’m angry, I’m crushed, and I don’t even know how to start picking up the pieces and moving forward.

We need time, and I don’t know how long it will take or if I’ll ever find a way to get back to being me. I’m not going to be responding to anything gym, rescue, or school board related. Please don’t reach out for help right now because I can’t even help myself. Please pray for our hearts, please pray for the baby and her mother (we don’t even know what her name is because we asked her not to use our name.)

Please respect that we need time and space. I’m not going to be on social media and to be perfectly honest – I only picked up my phone just now to make this post, so people stop asking about her. I don’t know how she is, I don’t know where she is, and ever since our world came crumbling down around us, I don’t even know who I am. So please, just don’t ask.

Blogger’s Note – Welcome To The Empty Car Seat Club. The truth is, it is a privilege to bring a baby home from the hospital. When that baby is not actually yours, if you do bring the infant home, you are causing trauma for both – that baby and their biological genetic mother. I’m not surprised that the aftermath of such an unexpected change in plans is full of sadness, grief, an unfathomable feeling of loss, and a different life than was planned that must now be adjusted to. I wish the reality were easier to bear but the outcome was for the best. There is lots of time for that mom to surrender her baby but it becomes much less likely once she has the opportunity to bond with her infant.