Desperation Revealed ?

I did not know this kind of public revelation was a thing until this morning.  At least they are honest that it is an adoption.  Still, this method of sharing the reality reveals some desperation underneath the celebratory joy.  I have dealt with infertility myself.  I have tried and tried to get pregnant naturally only to face the truth that my body had become too old to do that anymore (I did give birth to a daughter when I was 19 years old).

This phrase, “No Bump, Still Pumped”, seems to be the response of someone who has not fully faced their infertility.  The problem with this is in making a pregnancy reference, when you’re not doing anything like pregnancy.  It could be that the grief involved with not being able to conceive hasn’t been fully dealt with.  From a kinder perspective, maybe it is an attempt to honestly alert friends and family that the baby they will see soon came from someone else, and not this couple’s own parentage.  Really, it all depends on the couple’s true perspective on the matter.  Some couples that are adopting may make an announcement that says something like “Paper Pregnant”.

In publicly saying such things, a prospective adoptive couple is celebrating someone else’s trauma, though they may not be willing to fully acknowledge that reality.  And it also indicates that they only want babies, not older children at risk of aging out of foster care without any further supports.  Such concepts are celebrating the tearing apart of a family. Celebrating without any awareness, the trauma the children will experience.

Such public pronouncements make the adopted child sound like a second choice.  They were not the first choice for the couple, which would have been to conceive naturally.  I understand this and it is the truth.  So, the couple only wants to adopt because they couldn’t have children out of their own natural biological processes.  Many adoptees struggle with the knowledge that they were the runner up choice.

Most adopted children will crave their biological families and their mothers generally regret not keeping and raising their children.  It took some time and exposure to honest adoptees and their original mothers for me to join the “non-rainbows/unicorns non-rah rah version” of the adoptive narrative.  Yet, I have become convinced that no matter how hard it is to accept, adoption is a painful reality for most of those directly affected by its promotion and acceptance.