Tag: Spontaneous

Nature Provides

I listened to a message delivered on Mother’s Day by a man from Africa who made the point that Nature provides for needs even before they are needed. He said – When you were born, I did not hear you praying for the breastmilk. When you were in the womb, you were supplied with all of the nutrients you received actively. Receiving that from fluid. As soon as you stepped out into life, that knowing of life went ahead of you and provided breastmilk from your mother for you. You didn’t pray for that. You didn’t decree for that. Life went ahead of you, providing what you needed before you would need it. Before we are born, mother’s first breastmilk contains the Colostrum that is needed to immunize your body. Life goes ahead of you, providing the air you need to breathe.

At some point he said – You cannot pray to God to save you from the storm, when God is the storm. If God is all there is, it includes Itself. The storm is simply what Life is trying to express through you and as you. Don’t tell God to fix the storm of problems in your life.

That has had me actively contemplating what this means in regard to domestic infant adoptions. The infant is denied their mother’s breastmilk (at least in most cases, there are probably exceptions, where the mother does this even if the infant is being adopted). Yet this is a powerful, spontaneous, creative, loving and intelligent universe. It is an ever-giving, ever-blessing universe. Fine tuning Itself. It is all that is, so adoption must be part of that, it cannot be otherwise (as much as it pains me to admit this).

Yet, also today I read this from a childhood adoptee – My adopted parents and I had a terrible relationship. I was an undiagnosed autistic with various sensory issues and special interests, they were conservative Christians convinced my special interests (mainly classic rock & heavy metal) were demonic. My struggles and their parenting clashed constantly, resulting in me being out of the home during most of my 13-18 years. I haven’t spoken to them since early 2016. My birth mother told me two weeks before my 24th birthday last year that she “wished she’d have swallowed me”, at which point I cut contact.

Mother’s Day is a bit hard for me. I was a momma’s boy as a kid, and 0/2 of my mothers care for me, or are proud of me. I wish I had a mom to bring flowers to, and thank for always being there for me, but the truth is, neither of them were. I spent most of my teens in group homes, and most of my big life milestones I went through alone.

My mother in law is amazing, and has been supportive of me so deeply since she has come to know me. I thank her every chance I get. I appreciate her so very much, but still sometimes, it feels like something, no, someone is missing. When my wife is lonely, or upset, or excited, she calls her mom. And when I’m in a whole other state, alone (as my wife is away doing grad school at another program), I sometimes wish I had a mom to call.

Certainly, Life has provided him with places to go. Life has provided him with a wife who’s mother is good to him as well. This is a hard one for me to work through but I don’t doubt the truth behind it all. Life goes ahead of you, providing what is needed, before it is needed. That is some kind of cold comfort that can warm a heart that has grown cold with life’s difficulties.

Which Was It ?

Recently, more than one woman, as the nuances are parsed out, has come to realize that what they thought of as a miscarriage was actually a type of abortion. Truth is the definition means that both result in a similar outcome.

Medically, an abortion is the termination of pregnancy by the removal or expulsion from the uterus of a fetus or embryo prior to a viability allowing it to continue living. Many doctors now prefer to refer to this event as a termination rather than an abortion (for obvious reasons). This can happen either spontaneously or it can be induced. Generally, the more spontaneous is referred to as a miscarriage and this can occur even rather late in a pregnancy. When the event is induced, it is referred to as an abortion. Often, when a D&C is performed, medical personnel don’t really know for certain, if an embryo is present. I remember having to have a D&C when I was receiving reproductive assistance between the births of my two sons due to my lining not developing well enough and being asked directly if I was or could be pregnant. Since I was experiencing secondary infertility due to age and had not had any embryos transferred, I could be confident in my answer. With recent laws at some state’s level, this kind of situation could risk legal ramifications for the medical personnel and the woman.

During in vitro fertilization, it is common to fertilize more eggs than will be needed as the goal is to increase the woman’s chances of a successful pregnancy. Those excess fertilized eggs are commonly frozen, disposed of or donated for scientific research (which will then cause their destruction) – none of those choices are thought of as abortion. Some couples, as we did, will donate their frozen embryos to another couple – though in our case – the couple whose effort initially was successful and joyous, ultimately failed to develop after that point. All reproductive assistance patients want their pregnancy to be successful. In my mom’s group, only about half of the woman who started off in the group with us ended up with a pregnancy and ultimately, a child or children (we had quite a few twins and even a set of triplets in our group).

Often tens of thousands of dollars have been invested in the effort. Though this effort may initially appear successful, the pregnancy can still end and a decision must be made to remove those cells and the lining. Technically, this would be defined as an abortion. I read today about one case where a patient was carrying triplets. The pregnancies created by through in vitro fertilization, each implanted but stopped developing at different stages: one at six weeks, one at seven and one at eight. Therefore, none of these embryos were going to be successful in producing a child. Her doctor had to remove that tissue. It is not healthy and serves no purpose in remaining.

There is a kind of miscarriage that will be referred to as a missed abortion. The pregnancy actually ended, even though no symptoms of that had occurred. The contents of the uterus have not been naturally expelled. Sometimes, there may be some brownish discharge. The fact that the embryo has died is often discovered during a routine scan by her OB. The patient will be given Oxytocin, antibiotics and a D&C (a complete uterine evacuation – abortion). This is a situation where new laws could become problematic, especially if this occurs after 6 weeks and a positive indication of pregnancy.