One of the impacts of adoption can be a separation of siblings. The struggles of a mother to keep and raise her child are temporary in nature – though it may not seem that way at the time.
I believe my dad’s mom did her best to keep him but in the end, The Salvation Army’s approach did not support her intention. She gave birth to my dad in one of their homes for unwed mothers having discovered herself pregnant due to an affair with a married man much older than her. Therefore, she did not even seek his assistance but in her very self-sufficient way dealt with her circumstances alone.
After a period of time bonding with her son, she was released with him with the expectation that she would be able to live with a cousin geographically nearby. I think she found little patience there. She applied for a job with The Salvation Army and was accepted and transferred, still with my dad in tow, from San Diego California to El Paso Texas.
By the time he was 8 months old, my dad was legally the ward of The Salvation Army. My granny went there for a child to raise (after my dad was adopted, she went there for another child to be his brother). I don’t know what it cost her but maybe less than some of the other options.
My dad never seemed much interested in his original family. He was actually adopted twice when my granny had to throw the abusive alcoholic she had been married to out for the well being of her sons and then met and married a different man. My dad was devoted to them and supported them genuinely as they aged.
Unknown to my dad at the time he died, a half-sister was living 90 miles away that could have told him a lot about his mother, his other older sister and a brother. I find it sad but that was the reality.
I am a compassionate person and I don’t want to be cruel but I really have to question this story I read.
Hi, I am 30 weeks pregnant with my 7th baby. I plan on placing him for adoption and have found an amazing family for him. As I get closer to my due date I am starting to get mixed feelings. My other 6 children are all under 8, so idk if I could mentally handle another baby. I have severe depression and anxiety dating back to high school. I already am overwhelmed with the kids I DO have. My husband is supportive of either choice I make, but he lost his job last year and we have been living off of 900$ a month in cash assistance and 900$ in food stamps. All 8 of us live in a crappy 700 sqft 2 bedroom trailer so there’s no room for another baby ( my youngest is only 8 months old) . My brain knows that all these factors mean I can’t keep this baby, but my heart is tearing to pieces at the thought of having to say goodbye. I guess I just need some outside perspective.
No matter how challenging the circumstances this just seems irresponsible to me when one realizes how many ways there are to protect one’s self from having unwanted children.
One response was this (I agree with it too) –
I’d hate to see you make such a permanent, life-altering decision based off a temporary situation. I am a birth mom, and my perspective is that adoption should never be the answer. Anyone who is willing to help themselves to your child rather than helping your family as a whole does not deserve to be a “mother”.
Another realistic response to the actual situation was this –
Just keep in mind that your situation is temporary. Your husband will get another job. If you place for adoption this child will lose both of their parents and six siblings. If you feel your heart falling apart just know it will get worse. It doesn’t matter if these people are the most amazing people in the entire universe, all your baby wants is you. It is a loss you won’t recover from. I thought I couldn’t handle another child, turns out losing your child forever takes a whole hell of a worse toll.
Another one was –
Something I am learning, if I am not at peace with a decision, then it is not the right one for me. I have had to make some pretty tough decisions, however, had a peace when making them, as they were the right ones.
Yes, trust your intuition and follow your heart. Also know this – at some point you have really conceived and given birth to enough children for any lifetime. There are so many ways you can take control and prevent it from ever happening again.