Websites – Missing Mom

Several new things today to pass along, thanks to mention of them in my all things adoption group. Not recommending or saying anything more from me than mentioning these and passing along some comments from others. I’ve been having a very odd week and today is so disrupted, I’m at a loss. So forgive me an easy blog (not the first time but I do try to convey the best of whatever information I come across).

LINK>Adopt Us Kids. Read there were profiles of kids like on a dating site. The site says – “A national project working to ensure that children and teens in foster care get safe, loving, permanent families.” Also this – “AdoptUSKids educates families about foster care and adoption and gives child welfare professionals information and support to help them improve their services. We also maintain the nation’s only federally funded photolisting service that connects waiting children with families.” I guess it was their photolisting service that the person commenting referred to.

The other one was LINK>Fight CPS. CPS stands for Child Protective Services and I’ve learned alot about them and how they function over the last 6 or so years, since I learned the actual stories behind my parents adoptions (both of my parents were adoptees). Thankfully, my parents’ adoptions were in the 1930s and there was not such an entrenched organization at that time but there was a scoundrel by the name of Georgia Tann involved in my mom’s.

The person who mentioned these two said this about the second one – CPS terminates the children’s parents’ rights, even though they don’t have a home for these children to go to and so, they end up in foster care. That person goes on to say – I don’t think a lot of people realize how corrupt and twisted the family court system is. How do you take kids, make the parents jump through hoops and then after a year and a half terminate their rights ? The kids then get lost in the child welfare system and sometimes (if adopted) end up forced to have a new mom and dad. She notes – I’ve posted before about how abusive my adoptive home was, and I know my story isn’t unique. This is literally legal human trafficking.

Someone else mentioned – LINK>Adoptly. You can “swipe left or right on potential children.” Bottom line is that there is so much money to be made within the adoption industry that it is crawling with tons of opportunities to get into the game – as either a provider of children or an agency doing that. Sadly. Adoption reform activists are saying the quiet parts out loud these days to better inform the public at large about what is going on.

Someone who adopted from foster care notes – all the photolistings are pretty horrible. Super creepy when they describe the kids as attractive, beautiful, etc. Also teens with unique first names who also use social media… CAN be tracked down by internet weirdos, it’s extremely dangerous.

Sigh . . . the effort can feel overwhelming and discouraging. Maybe it’s just my mood today. For that I apologize and note, things will be different tomorrow (or even later tonight) LOL.

Headed into the future, I will always prefer a mother raising the baby she gave birth to. That is hands down the best outcome as far as I am concerned. But as a realist, adoptions are still going to happen. Today I caught a mention of this book – I’ve not read it but the intention behind it seems to be a good one.

Prior to 1990, fewer than five percent of domestic infant adoptions were open. In 2012, ninety percent or more of adoption agencies are recommending open adoption. Yet these agencies do not often or adequately prepare either adopting parents or birth parents for the road ahead of them! The adult parties in open adoptions are left floundering.

There are many resources on why to do open adoption, but what about how? Open adoption isn’t just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It’s a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount.

It is said that this book offers readers the tools and the insights to do just that. It covers common open-adoption situations and how real families have navigated typical issues successfully. Like all useful parenting books, it provides parents with the tools to arrive at answers on their own, and answers questions that might not yet have come up.

Through their own stories and those of other families of open adoption, Lori Holden (an adoptive parent) and Crystal Hass (a birth mother) share the pathways to successfully navigating the pitfalls and challenges, the joys and triumphs. The most important focus to center on is putting the adopted child’s best interests FIRST as the guiding principle. It is possible for the families involved to travel the path of open adoption by mitigating whatever challenges may arise.

This book is said to be more than a how-to. More a mindset, a heartset, that can be learned and internalized. All the parents involved CAN choose to act from their love for the child and go forward with honesty. The goal of everyone involved should be to help their child grow up whole.

The take-away ? The adoptive/birth family relationship is not an “either-or.” Within the framework of an open adoption that works for everyone involved, it has to be an “and.” Adoption creates a split between a person’s biology and their biography. Openness in adoption is an effective way to heal that split when the reality is – the adoption is – and must be lived through.

Lori Holden’s website – https://lavenderluz.com/. Podcast link – The Long View.