Okay, just a moment of humor before diving in –
(From someone else, not your blogger) – Recently a young woman who confides in me and looks up to me came to me and told me she thinks pregnancy is disgusting and wants to only pursue surrogacy and adoption when she gets married. Mind you she’s young and nowhere close to getting married. She thinks being pregnant and giving birth is repulsive — zero trauma, just grossed out.
Our religion has similar views of adoption and surrogacy, basically it’s a no go from that angle. I also gently let her know that as a mother myself, I think if you are absolutely disgusted by pregnancy, you will not survive being a parent. My pregnancy was no picnic but it did not compare still to one day of being a mom. I said it was unfair to offload her disgust and apprehensions into someone else and just buy the baby in the end.
She lashed out and said I’m saying that women who can’t or don’t want to get pregnant don’t deserve to be mothers. I said there’s a huge difference between can’t get pregnant and absolutely don’t want to. And that regardless, adoption and surrogacy are unethical “solutions” to not wanting to or not being able to birth a baby.
She is still blowing up my phone angry as hell. Am I wrong for these statements?
(Offensive adoptee perspective incoming) – I’ll say it: it’s not that women who can’t or refuse to get pregnant, don’t *deserve* to be mothers, it’s that women who can’t or refuse to get pregnant *aren’t* mothers. No matter how they acquire it, these young role players can be wonderful guardians! And caretakers! And make huge positive impacts on a child’s life! But they’ll never be that child’s mother. Sorry not sorry.
Missing Mom 