I am running short on time today (what’s new ?). This adoptee’s story (not my own) makes some important points today and so, I share.
I was adopted at birth and found out around age 5/6. My ”aunt” and my “cousins” were really my biological mom and siblings. I was the middle child. I found out at a very young age about my biological dad. We had contact a few times, without my adoptive parents unaware because they always discouraged me. When they found out, they made me block him in every sort of possible contact ever. Monitored my phone and e-mail constantly.
I found out a few years later that he passed away in a motorcycle accident.
Anyways, I have a lot of resentment towards my adoptive parents ~~ because that was taken away from me and I never get to have that now. I have a hard time processing whether I have the right to grieve a person I barely knew – but that was my dad.
It just feels messed up.
I feel like there’s this hole in me that will never be filled because it can’t.
We had a DNA test done and I’m definitely his. Which I sometimes selfishly feel like I wish that was wrong and someone else was my biological dad so I could have that chance – but it is what it is.
So much of my life, I feel like, has just been taken away from me. It feels unfair.