Not the teenage girl in today’s story.
From an adoptee (not myself) – I’m currently the foster parent of a teen girl. Recently she brought up the prospect of my husband and I adopting her.
Right now her biological mother is wanting to retain custody, but my foster is adamantly opposed to this.
Foster has been in the system for several years, and we are the first family she has done really well with. My husband and I definitely want to adopt her, if reunification can’t happen, but I’m concerned about the longer term fallout if we proceed.
We will not interfere with reunification at all, we also will not lie and say she wants to go back to her mother if she is telling us (and therapists) otherwise. After years in the system she just now found her voice to speak her mind and not feel guilty.
I’ve been in contact with the mother and send her regular pictures and updates, and even if we adopt her, I’ll continue to do so.
I guess I’m looking for some guidance? My own background: I was adopted through kinship at 16 after I was sold to a random family in another state. Thankfully, my grandparents found out and intervened.
One adoptee wisely noted – She cannot give fully informed consent to adoption until she’s an adult. She’s in trauma brain/survival mode. She likely wants the security of what she *thinks* adoption will bring, not actual adoption.
Another shared – I was in similar shoes as a foster kid. My biological mom was horribly abusive and addicted. I was placed back and forth for 11 years. By the time they started seriously considering a Termination of Parental Rights, I was so ready to just be done with it and adopted. She was NOT going to get it together – we tried multiple times and failed and each time was traumatic for ME – and I always felt the system was more concerned about HER feelings than my own. I was happy and healthy where I was. I don’t know what the age is, but I feel there should be an age where the child’s say is considered pretty significantly considered for their own permanency plan.
Missing Mom 