Not Okay

My emotionally abusive adoptive mother never wanted me to have a relationship with my birth mother.

I wrote her a letter in 4th grade that my mother never mailed. She swore up and down she sent it. Then my birth mom never wrote back…

I finally asked her if she had it and she admitted she just never sent it.

I asked for it back and she said didn’t have it and couldn’t find it…that she “lost” it.

Until today when she called me and said “oh…I found this from 2006 in a box under my desk while I was cleaning it out.”

This sparked a conversation with me and my birth mom, where I discovered that she had been sending letters for years and my adoptive mom just kept them from me…my adoptive mom admitted to my birth mom that she kept them in a box, so I would never find them.

Why tell me I’m adopted, if you didn’t want me to have questions? Why adopt in the first place if you were just going to hate me and abuse me emotionally? Why?

I’ll never know, but a childhood wound, I worked so hard on healing, was reopened today and I’m so not okay.