Plan B

It may seem strange to write about this but unplanned pregnancies are a leading cause of adoption. Adoption results in often unconscious and definitely life-long trauma for the adoptee and for their mother from whom they are removed. Ridding one’s self of the possibility quickly, results in less guilt and shame than an abortion, even when done by 3 mos gestation. If definitely prevents the surrender of a baby to some stranger.

An interesting fact about this method is that it often fails obese women. Weight matters in this regard. This is an important consideration in the United States, where over 35% of adults are obese because obese women (with a body mass index, or BMI, of 30 or greater) became pregnant over 3 times more often than non-obese women when trying this method.

While the commercially marketed brand names are expensive and often kept in anti-theft cabinets, it is possible to obtain a generic. I have read that with a coupon code from GoodRx the cost of a generic could be as low as $14.

Plan B is meant to delay or prevent ovulation. It does not “end the pregnancy”. Plan B is not an abortion pill. It’s a heightened dose of birth control to prevent implantation. It’s not misoprostol or mifepristone. So there is no danger of harming the fetus’s development, if a pregnancy develops after trying this. Using this does slightly increase the risk of an ectopic pregnancy. If you’re already pregnant, it won’t work; but it will basically force you to have a period, if you’re not pregnant.

If you’re on Medicaid, they have an online site and will mail it and birth control to your home for free monthly. And at pharmacies, it is often found on the shelf right next to the pregnancy tests and near the condoms! Don’t be in denial about unprotected sex. Believing “Oh it won’t happen to me, I’m invincible” could prove to be wrong and then it is too late for the easy precautions. Girls under 18, be aware that many states require a prescription to buy it at a pharmacy, making it much less accessible but you can actually buy it on Amazon, of course.

Beware though if you live in a conservative, religious right state like my state of Missouri – you may get a judgmental/religious pharmacist. There are tons of stories of women being blocked by pharmacists from getting it – either lied to or just told no. And parents in these conservatively religious regions often don’t believe in sex education and tell their children to just say “no” with predictable results.

Ever Heard Of Birth Control ?

I am a compassionate person and I don’t want to be cruel but I really have to question this story I read.

Hi, I am 30 weeks pregnant with my 7th baby. I plan on placing him for adoption and have found an amazing family for him. As I get closer to my due date I am starting to get mixed feelings. My other 6 children are all under 8, so idk if I could mentally handle another baby. I have severe depression and anxiety dating back to high school. I already am overwhelmed with the kids I DO have. My husband is supportive of either choice I make, but he lost his job last year and we have been living off of 900$ a month in cash assistance and 900$ in food stamps. All 8 of us live in a crappy 700 sqft 2 bedroom trailer so there’s no room for another baby ( my youngest is only 8 months old) . My brain knows that all these factors mean I can’t keep this baby, but my heart is tearing to pieces at the thought of having to say goodbye. I guess I just need some outside perspective.

No matter how challenging the circumstances this just seems irresponsible to me when one realizes how many ways there are to protect one’s self from having unwanted children.

One response was this (I agree with it too) –

I’d hate to see you make such a permanent, life-altering decision based off a temporary situation. I am a birth mom, and my perspective is that adoption should never be the answer. Anyone who is willing to help themselves to your child rather than helping your family as a whole does not deserve to be a “mother”.

Another realistic response to the actual situation was this –

Just keep in mind that your situation is temporary. Your husband will get another job. If you place for adoption this child will lose both of their parents and six siblings. If you feel your heart falling apart just know it will get worse. It doesn’t matter if these people are the most amazing people in the entire universe, all your baby wants is you. It is a loss you won’t recover from. I thought I couldn’t handle another child, turns out losing your child forever takes a whole hell of a worse toll.

Another one was –

Something I am learning, if I am not at peace with a decision, then it is not the right one for me. I have had to make some pretty tough decisions, however, had a peace when making them, as they were the right ones.

Yes, trust your intuition and follow your heart. Also know this – at some point you have really conceived and given birth to enough children for any lifetime. There are so many ways you can take control and prevent it from ever happening again.

A Brief History of Adoption

Willa Cather said that those who gave up carried something painful,
cut off inside, and that their lives had a sense of incompleteness.

Before Georgia Tann, some states had laws that insisted a single mother breastfeed her baby for at least six months. This was to encourage the mother to become emotionally attached and raise her child – thus relieving the state of a need to care for them in an orphanage at public expense.

After Georgia Tann popularized adoption, these babies became a marketable commodity, and this necessitated the separation of mother and child. During the 30s, mothers were sometimes blindfolded during labor to prevent them from seeing their baby.

By the mid-40s, adoption was nationally popular. White single mothers were EXPECTED to surrender their babies to adoption. This policy was endorsed by the Child Welfare League, The Salvation Army, Catholic Charities and most psychiatrists and psychologists.

It was even predicted by a social scientist, Clark Vincent, that in the future, all white newborns from single mothers would be seized by the state – not for punishment – but in the scientific best interest of the child, considering the rehabilitation goals for the unwed mother and the stability of the family and society overall.

Such a concept was even advocated by the author, Pearl Buck, who asked Georgia to collaborate on a book about adoption. Georgia Tann died from the complications of cancer after dictating only two chapters. By then, the scandal of her baby stealing and selling operation seems to have discouraged Buck from pursuing the topic to its completion as a book.

Even so, Georgia Tann had influenced Pearl Buck’s thinking – in a 1955 article in Woman’s Home Companion – Buck advocated legislation forcing single mothers to surrender their babies for adoption – thankfully such a law was never passed.

Social pressure was enough to separate many single mothers from their children. By the 1950s, 90% of white maternity home residents surrendered their children. It is because I understand how close I came to being given up for adoption as I was born in 1954, that I consider it a miracle that I wasn’t. My mom was only 16, unwed and a high school student when I was conceived.

Adoption came to be seen as the perfect solution for infertility. Birth control and abortion were considered threats to the availability of children for such women and it would seem are viewed the same even today.

My source for this information is The Baby Thief: The True Story of the Woman Who Sold Over Five Thousand Neglected, Abused and Stolen Babies by Barbara Bisantz Raymond.