Growing up, I didn’t know these people existed.  I accepted my adoptive grandparents as though they had come into my life naturally.  I thought my parents were orphans and that their original parents had died because I did know they had both been adopted.

It may be that I know about as much about them now, as many people know about their extended family, as many families do not live in easy proximity of each other and even sometimes issues and resentments keep them separated.

Learning about the people who were my parents original parents has made them real to me now.  In fact, even though I had no lifelong history with them, they are who I think of first.  I still love that the people who grandparented me loved me as well.  Cousins from those relationships are still cousins to me but happily I now have some new cousins who I know share the blood that runs in my veins.  I like to say I am whole + now.

The natural mother should be given some say
about who parents her baby.
For the baby’s sake, she should be encouraged
to maintain some post-adoption contact,
even if painful for her.
If her physical presence isn’t possible,
letters, cards, photographs and up-dated history
would be some continuing connection.
It is important for the child’s development
that it’s birth parents are real,
that the genetic history is available
and the relationship is as free of confusion as possible.
~ The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier