Coercive Trickery

Kim Rossler with baby Elliott

I stumbled on this story. It isn’t new and I am unable to find out any current status. It is a cautionary tale for any expectant mother who is conflicted about giving up her baby for adoption or choosing to parent. Rather than go over all the details of this case (which sadly is common to many other such cases), I leave you with a few links to read more if you are interested in it.

Between 2015 and 2019, the story did garner some very public and at times controversial reporting (depending upon which side of the adoption issues you find yourself leaning into). I did see that the Huffington Post had a two-part article by Mirah Riben. LINK>Part 1 was published July 7, 2015 (Rossler gave birth on May 28, 2015 in Mobile County, Alabama). It was followed by LINK>Part II. At three weeks old, an Alabama sheriff removed the baby from his mother, while she was breastfeeding him.

It is the story about what can happen when a predatory adoption agency and an intent to adopt woman get together to derail a decision to parent by a woman who was previously considering giving her baby up for adoption but changed her mind.

LovingFamilies on WordPress published LINK>Update Baby Elliott Case. I also did find that LINK>in 2019, the Alabama Supreme Court ruled that a Facebook page go back online. I did try to locate it but did not find that it went back up.

This is NOT how adoption is supposed to work.

How Did It Happen To You ?

In a group I am part of, a mother asked – Is there any birth parents in here that didn’t want to do adoption and was forced into the decision and in a way destroyed them and need some support ? I’m trying to find someone similar to my situation as there’s no support groups.

Some responses – The Dept of Human Services stole my kids when they were younger. Another woman notes – my grandson was stolen too.

One woman notes a handful of support groups that she is aware of on Facebook – “Birth Moms Support Group”, “Birth Moms Today”, “Find Birth Parents, Siblings, Adoptees and Family”, “Birth Mothers Support Group” and “Caring for Birthmothers Support Group”. To which the woman who first asked responds – I mean yes but not Child Protective Services (CPS) related or parents who had many years to raise said child. For me, it wasn’t a choice. I mean I’ve been looking but nothing seems to fit my actual situation. I haven’t found a single parent until I made this post.

One adoptee noted that the mother would be hard pressed to find sympathy there, especially from the adoptee members. There are other groups that might be more understanding.

Another suggested – “Birth Moms Broken” or “Birth Moms Forced Adoption”. When someone else suggested – Just type in ‘ birth parents support group’. Several options come up. Another woman shared – you have to be careful. I left one when I found out they have agency workers in there.

One suggested a group that I have a lot of appreciation for LINK>Saving Our Sisters. She also suggested Anti-CPS groups, saying that “there’s more than you may realize”. The woman who first asked rejects Anti-CPS groups because they are mostly about CPS cases. To which someone else responds – I don’t think you realize how much you are in the same boat with parents fighting with CPS. They are coerced into signing their rights away. Most of those cases are against low income parents who were not guilty of abuse and who don’t have the financial means to hire a good attorney. She then suggests – Another one that comes to mind is “Concerned United Birthparents”. My thought process has always been that if there were more unity, instead of focus on the differences, more could get changed.

Here’s one who had the experience – They made the decision for me. They separated us all. I had a high fever in November of 2015. The teacher got my daughter. Div of Children and Families some Academy School teachers wanted my children. I was labeled delusional due to my fever which was 103.3 to 104 degrees for 3 weeks. They had zero mercy.

The woman who first asked shares more – the foster parents had it out for me. They worked in the same office my case was out of and I was pushed into a corner, where I felt I had no choice. Everyone told me that if I didn’t, then it wouldn’t stop. That this was better.

Someone else shares – My girls got totally screwed being adopted. I thought I was doing the right thing but in the end, it was terrible for them…they got molested and the adopted mother covered it up. She had 14 kids that the state let her adopt. All of them. She made good money on that. To this day, she doesn’t take the younger kids to the doctor, feeds them crap food that’s not good for them . . . the list goes on and on. The things they did to my babies !

A couple of other support group suggestions – Adoption Knowledge Affiliates and National Association of Adoptees and Parents.

Let Them Live

An expectant mother writes – I’m currently pregnant and felt there was no way to parent. I was referred to an agency called Let Them Live. They got me a car, a house, and are going to pay my rent until 3 months after the baby is born. They have fund raisers for moms upwards of 30k. They also do tons of workshops from financial planning to meal planning everything in between but those are not required. The only requirements are attending 2 support groups a month, which are done through Google Meet. No money is paid to you directly, only to cover your expenses / purchases.

Another woman responds – I’m glad that you were able to receive assistance. I’m not sure that Let them Live is a super reliable resource, given their lack of fulfillment on their promises to some women. Just advising you to be cautious. (blogger’s note – I immediately discerned red flags when reading about all the stuff the woman received – what was the catch ?)

Doing a Google Search on the organization, I found this at Business Insider – LINK>Anti-abortion group Let Them Live to pay $10,000 it never gave to women who agreed not to terminate pregnancies.

An anti-abortion couple promised pregnant women thousands of dollars if they didn’t have abortions. The women had their babies, but the couple didn’t always hold up their end of the deal. Business Insider investigated. Now Let Them Live says it will pay out the nearly $10,000 the women never got.

The Details – Let Them Live is an Indiana-based nonprofit. They promised the three women thousands of dollars of support in contracts that a lawyer described as “abusive.” The group offers women financial assistance, if they are considering having an abortion for economic reasons, “The Catch” as long as they sign a contract vowing not to terminate their pregnancy.

The women said Let Them Live failed to deliver on $30,660 in support, which it had promised them for childcare, food, rent, and utilities, leaving one considering suicide and another having to “ask on Facebook” for diapers. of All the women said they were at least five months pregnant, when they were told the support would be cut, meaning their options for abortion were narrowing. “I feel conned into keeping this baby,” one told Business Insider.

The organization’s founders are a millennial, anti-abortion, Christian couple who have deep connections to the conservative movement. They claim to have “helped” more than 700 women cancel their abortions, since it was founded in 2019.

Philip Hackney, an expert in nonprofit law at the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, said Let Them Live’s contracts were “abusive” because the women were obligated to conditions including giving up “significant” health privacy rights.

You can read Business Insider’s full investigation report at this LINK>I feel conned into keeping this baby.

(Note – you will be asked to create an account and there IS a paywall. I used my Facebook account and they only asked for my name, profile picture and email address. Then, they asked me to pay.)

Not All

Today’s story illustrates this –

We adopted our almost 8 year old from birth. The relationship with birth mom and her other children has been sporadic at best (her choice). My daughter misses her siblings but they have recently been taken from the bio mom who became homeless and apparently was charged with neglect. Some are with their own bio dads and one is in foster care. My daughter does not know this yet, and we will work with her therapist to share this information in a way that hopefully lessens the trauma (for context, we don’t have a way to get ahold of bio mom anymore to offer help and she has moved across the country).

My daughter also has always wanted to meet and know her bio dad and his family. We have worked hard to find him and make that happen. I finally connected with his sister (so my daughter’s bio aunt) on Facebook and my husband and I are meeting her next week. We’re hoping she’ll be amenable to starting a relationship with our daughter. We’ll get more information at that time, but she alluded that her brother isn’t not open to that right now. How do we make sure this is not causing more trauma for our young daughter? I know that having this relationship could be great for her, but will it make it worse knowing that bio aunt is willing to meet her (and hopefully have a relationship with her) but her dad isn’t? We want to do what’s right for her. She craves to know this side of her family, but I’ve heard that discovering the bio parent can create more trauma.

A relevant response from an adoptee – If any of her bio family wants to meet her/have a relationship with her do all you can to make it happen. Yes, it may hurt and cause trauma that other bio family does not want to do that. However, that can you can work through. What will never be worked out is if she discovers she could have had something with bio family but you kept that from happening. Even worse is if she finds out you were anything but 100% truthful to her or them. Don’t hide behind we were trying to protect her. Unless there is some clear danger, such as the parent abused other children or threatened her or you in some way, the only people you are thinking about is yourselves. It is acceptable to give an age appropriate truth such as her siblings are being cared for by other adults because her bio mother is not able to provide shelter for them right now. Therefore, she probably will not be in contact with her for a while. If she wants to have contact with her other siblings, try to make it happen. If it is not to be, tell her that and why. Again in a truthful age appropriate way. That could be upsetting to her but again that can be worked through. What is important is that she knows she can trust you to always be honest with her. Break that trust and you will lose her forever.

Happy Synchronicity

Sherman Smith and Deland McCullough

Deland McCullough was born Jon Briggs on December 1, 1972 in Pennsylvania and was placed for adoption as a newborn. He was raised by his adoptive mother in Youngstown Ohio (his adoptive parents divorced when he was 2.)

The football field gave young Deland his niche as a running back. His tenacious running style soon began to garner the attention of some college programs. Sherman Smith had traversed a similar path as a quarterback almost two decades earlier. Smith’s coaching career eventually brought him back to Ohio, just as McCullough was making his name known as a promising running back for Campbell Memorial High School in Ohio. Smith introduced himself to McCullough telling him that he was there to recruit him for football at Miami University.

The chemistry was immediate, and over the years, their relationship continued. As McCullough sought to advance in the coaching ranks, he was offered an internship in 2014 with the Seattle Seahawks, thanks to help from Smith. “We always had a good relationship,” Smith said. “I was Coach Smith and that was my guy, Deland. … The fact that he was a running backs coach made it fun.”

After McCullough became a husband and a father of four, his questions about his own beginnings resurfaced. By November 2017, Pennsylvania had changed their laws. Deland was now able to see his mother’s name – Carol Denise Briggs. He searched and found his mother on Facebook and eventually they spoke on the phone. When she told him that his dad was a man named Sherman Smith, Deland McCullough says – “I was very excited. I was stunned. It was pretty surreal. I was blown back.”

His mom said she knew Smith in high school, but when he went away to college, she never told him a son existed. Smith went on to marry and become a father of two, with three grandchildren. Knowing this, McCullough quickly realized that when he shared the news, it would be shocking and life-altering for Smith.

McCullough called Smith and began explaining his years long process of finding his biological parents. Smith was happy for him. “And then he said her name,” Smith remembered. “And when he said her name, my heart dropped because I knew her. … I just felt terrible. I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt irresponsible. At that time when Deland called me, I was 63 years old, and you see things differently at 63 than you do when you’re 16 or 17 years old. I just felt so irresponsible.”

“Even when I was disappointed about my being irresponsible, there was gratitude; I was fortunate I was in his life,” Smith said.

Failed Plan B

Not my own story but for today – I am pregnant and have been contemplating adoption. However, I joined a group to cautiously explore that option and I’ve definitely had a change of heart after considering adult adoptee voices on the issue of adoption trauma.

I’m now 32 weeks into a pregnancy. I conceived after a failed Plan B. I immediately got on Depo-Provera (medroxyprogesterone acetate, a contraceptive injection containing the hormone progestin). When I went back 3 months later, they tested me before getting my next shot and I got a positive for pregnancy.

I have NO support system. I’m a single mom with 6 kids (3 are grown). I won’t have a baby shower as I have no friends or family support. I’m not working at the moment because this is a difficult pregnancy. I’m not excited at all. I haven’t purchased my baby anything or even begun to make a list of what I need. I guess my emotions are in control right now and as bad as I don’t want another child, I have to come to realization that this baby is coming regardless.

Has anyone felt this sense of hopeless disinterest and then had a change of heart, once they saw their baby? I guess I’m wondering when these negative feelings will pass. Also, how am I going to be able to afford to bring this baby home? Diapers, wipes, clothes, blankets, car seat…The necessities alone are overwhelming. I’m feeling defeated right now and I don’t even know if words of encouragement will help…But it’s worth a shot.

Helpful Response – You’ve got this! This part of your life is so temporary! Remember how, when your other kids were young, them growing up felt so far away? You’ll find a new village and support system in your new stage of life. You’re allowed to have all these feelings! There are Facebook pay nothing groups, search your city, then mom’s group or just look for the page. I live near a bigger city, so I joined that one too. It’s garage sale season here, so check on those, and Facebook Marketplace! When I had my first son I had NOTHING. My sister found someone on Craigslist who gave me everything for him. This season is so short. I know it’s scary, but you deserve to feel joy in this! I’m sorry that it’s not what you planned, that’s so hard! I could never have imagined that my son and I would be where we are today – the day I took that pregnancy test. You are doing such a good job as a mom already – just for reaching out! Asking for help and advice is not easy!! Take it hour by hour, sometimes a day at a time is too much. I live for finding stuff on Marketplace, search for baby stuff! We also have a local group supporting babies and moms. It was amazing. They helped find state/county services and offered support with baby items and even did weekly weigh-ins for tiny babies! You could search for something like that online too. I know googling can get overwhelming too, so know you can always reach put for help with that too, if just looking at a screen is too much. This season is temporary!

Trans and Adopted

I will admit that I don’t have a solution other than the “acceptance” in my image as I have not had to respond to an issue of this kind so far in my lifetime. I do know someone who did a great job of handling this with grace that I deeply admire. Today’s story from an adoptive mother (not my own story) –

What do you do when a kid’s mom is transphobic, and that kid wants a relationship with their mom more than anything? Mom refuses to talk on the phone but will usually respond to Facebook messages, which aren’t frequent at child’s choice. Child wants more contact but also knows mom doesn’t accept her and it’s a constant balancing act I think.

Mom’s Facebook got hacked and I had to locate her new one. She had unfriended me (but would still message) – so, I felt conflicted about finding her because I wasn’t sure she wanted to be found. Child wanted to send her a Mother’s Day message. It was the first time we had reached out since she got a new Facebook.

Mom responded (it’s been at least a year since the last contact) and says thank you and she loves and misses her but she will never accept her as a girl and she will always be her son.

I’m ashamed to admit I went off. I could not believe this was what she had to say after so long without contact and I know daughter is going to be gutted. She’s been asking all day, if her mom responded and I can’t face her right now. I apologized to her mom and said I don’t want to fight, that we envisioned a life of lots of visits and summers spent with her and daughter is so upset mom refuses to talk to her and is going to be completely devastated when I read her the message.

The bottom line is that mom should never have lost her daughter, and when I found mom and heard her story (post adoption, agency said they couldn’t locate mom and I read something about names being spelled wrong on birth certificates which allowed me to finally find mom) I was all for working towards reunification. But that’s never even be on the table because of the transphobia.

I find myself continually wanting to convince mom she’s being ridiculous (transphobia is so far from our reality in our progressive bubble that I literally cannot wrap my head around it, we didn’t even blink when daughter came out), but I also know she’s a victim of this situation.

Questions – How do I tell daughter her mom’s response? (She has an adoption competent therapist who is also LGTBQ+ competent). How do I help daughter balance this? I want to support her relationship with mom and I’m also so angry at mom for letting this come between her and the child that was taken from her.

An adoptee responds – I have to question whether information is missing here.

“I’m ashamed to admit I went off.” — what does this mean? It is a balancing act when you are dealing with prejudiced people but actions that cause tension between the child and its natural parent(s) do not happen in a vacuum. When the original poster doesn’t voluntarily own up to how they went off in the post, I also have to question other details. Why did the birth mother unfriend the adoptive mother on Facebook? What is this adopter saying about the child’s first mother ?

“[She] is going to be completely devastated when I read her the message.” The adoptee asks – Is the adoptive mother going to read the message(s) she sent berating the original mother ? Let’s be honest, I doubt it. Also, why even read the message in the first place ? The message is a response to a conflict with the adoptive mother, not a rejection letter addressed to the adopted person.

It is unfair to the child that their original is prejudiced against trans people. It is just as, if not more, unfair to the child that the adoptive mother seems to be self-victimizing, rather than self reflecting. “Poor me, I got unfriended on Facebook ! I don’t know how I’m going to tell this child how awful her birth mother is ! I envisioned a life of lots of visits !”

This kid’s transition seems to have came as a surprise to her first mother. The fact that she is upset about a gender transition taking place COULD be coming from a a place of prejudice. (It probably is, at least to some extent.) It also COULD be coming from a place of being blindsided. One day her kid is gone, the next day her kid is a different person. The adopters “don’t even blink” when this transition happens, probably because in some ways they see it coming. Now her kid is gone and on top of that appears to be a completely different person. Why should she be expected to adjust to such a massive change so quickly? In her eyes, she lost a little boy and will never get him back now — even if she comes to accept the child’s gender identity. Maybe this kid is the first trans person her first mother has ever known and it just takes time for her to accept the child’s identity.

I am not saying any of this to rationalize or justify transphobia. I am saying that the adoptive mother needs to look at this situation contextually. To understand the first mother is a human, living in different circumstances and engaging in different social circles. To get someone to see the “progressive” side of an issue, the answer is not to berate them for not understanding things the way you do. Maybe you have been exposed to different people and ideas that her first mother hasn’t been exposed to as quickly, if at all. Maybe her first mother would’ve been more accepting of her child’s transition had the child been with her all along. Maybe not. In either case, this adoptive mother should be probably be in therapy herself, if she are not already. There is much more to this issue, I believe, than they’re willing to admit to themselves. At the very least, this is not strictly a transphobia issue.

I think it is an awful idea for this adopted person and her original mother to continue communicating through an intermediary. This has clearly rubbed her mother the wrong way, fair or unfair. Her original mother probably would not be communicating the way she’s presently communicating (even if the transphobia remains) when communicating directly with the adopted person. A hostile message sent to an intermediary in the midst of conflict is not a letter of rejection addressed to the adopted person. This adopted person deserves the ability to speak directly with her original mother and get it straight from her. Even if she receives a direct, bigoted rejection, that would bring resolution in the long run, even if it caused more short-term pain. When you get a “rejection” through intermediaries (and I put this in quotes because again, the original mother’s message was sent to the adoptive mother, not the child), there are always questions of whether the rejector would say these things to your face. Whether details are embellished to villainize or paint people in a better light. Clarity is only achieved through direct communication.

Legal Standing

Today’s story (not my own) – I’m completely distraught because my 2.5 year old nephew is being adopted by his foster parent. She has legal standing over us cause she’s had him over a year. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as foster parent standing. Regrettably we weren’t in a position to be able to take him in at the time he entered care (at age 1) and I will never forgive myself for that. I won’t go into details but I was going through my own struggles at the time and it wouldn’t have been fair for anyone, including my nephew and 4 young kids. But I torture myself day and night about it. Especially now….

My sister, my nephew’s mom, was murdered the day before Thanksgiving. She was in rehab for months last year. Following her plan and trying so hard. We truly thought she was getting him back and that we wouldn’t need to intervene. If only we knew then what we know now, everything would be different. Caseworkers, GAL, supervisors, lawyers were all no help. “Standing” and “bond” was all they kept saying. Lawyers wouldn’t even take the case; they advised me not to try to get custody because the foster parents would win and then our relationship would be damaged. Was I in the wrong here for trying to do this? Isn’t being with family what would be best for him long term? I understand he will have trauma either way unfortunately. But we did say if he came to us, the foster parents could still see him a lot too!! Hoping that would help him with the transition. With us, he could see his siblings, father, grandparents, etc more. He would have genetic mirroring. He would know all of his family history. We’d be able to tell him stories about his mom. How does a 1 year relationship with a foster parent trump a lifetime with biological family?!

The foster parent claimed she was gonna be “so open” and said “you’re not losing him.” All lies. She’s already stopped all communication, blocked me on Facebook, and refuses to allow me (and his grandfather) visits. How could someone treat a grieving family this way? I was never anything but kind to her! We are his safe, healthy, loving family. I can’t tell you how heartbroken I am. He is her first foster child and I should’ve seen this coming. When she found out we wanted to get custody, she said in a text to my mom, “I’m aware of the emails/calls/efforts but after nearly 18 months with me, I’ve been assured that it’s futile. Frankly it is very disappointing because I have been open about everyone staying in his life.” SHE’S disappointed? All our family feels is emptiness.

My mom has my nephew’s sister (since she was a toddler, now a young teen) who is devastated about this adoption as well. Everyday is a nightmare and everything feels hopeless. I already lost my sister and now I’m losing my nephew. It hurts so much some days that I don’t think I can endure it.

One adoptive parent suggested – File a motion to intervene with the county courts. Show up to all hearings and fight! It is required by law to rule out biological family first and most of the time that wins out over the child’s temporary bond with their foster parents.

One who was fostered from birth and later adopted notes -Self-centered people hang on very tight when they have a child that they assume will be “theirs” someday. The system is not about the child’s welfare. Sometimes it is about who has more money. That is the gold standard. In the larger scheme and meanings of life, money matters more than our genuine family members.

Rejection And Grief

Today’s story (not my own) –

I was adopted at birth, and I was told at 18. I am now about to turn 28, and really only just beginning to grapple with the emotions that accompany this information. I attribute that to getting married 3 years ago and finally being in a stable enough environment to begin processing, which college was not.

And to be frank, it’s been absolutely fucking awful. I always have and always will love my adoptive family so very much, and that makes the depth of the lie even harder to comprehend. I feel like I am burdening my husband and my friends with just, my own confusion at this stage. I am caught in a cycle of trying to justify my existence with harder and harder work and it’s not working at all lol. I know nearly everyone feels aimless around this stage in life, but woof. I am so tired. I am tired of feeling like the universe didn’t want me here. And like my entire life has been a lie. Which… it kind of was.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you, and I’d like to pose a question. For others who learned about their adoption later in life than childhood, and then began processing even later than that, what helped? Is it like grieving where you just have to let it hurt? Am I doomed to being a mopey bitch forever or will time give me grace with these feelings?

Some responses – Being late discovery adoptee (LDA) has layers to it that other adopted people don’t have to navigate. The lies and losses involved specific to life before and after discovery have massive impacts that can sometimes only be understood by those of us who have lived it. While community with other adopted people is valuable and helpful, I recommend joining specific communities for LDAs and NPEs (Not Parent Expected).

One asks – Are you in reunion at all? It can bring its own challenges but overall I feel like the truth is the only thing that can TRULY fully help us process, even if it hurts more at first. Lean into THE truth and gather as much information as feels right, so that YOU can put it together to come to terms with YOUR truth. For me, that’s the most empowering way to process the trauma.

One adoptee noted – The work you’re doing right now is some of the hardest work some of us ever have to do. Realize and accept that the people who purport/ed to love us, lied to us, or gave us away/sold us. While I can grasp all of it intellectually, I will always struggle with being invisible to them.

Another writes about the impact of the Dobbs decision – Not late discovery, but I didn’t start processing until 2 years ago when I was 40 years old. The Dobbs decision and supply of domestic infants was what triggered it. I didn’t allow myself to feel anything or care before that because while I knew as a child, it was supposed to be a secret from everyone else. There is grief. It does hurt. I don’t have any answers for the pain. I’m still feeling all the feelings two years later. Made contact in December 23 and reunion adds more feelings. It does help that my older half sister wants a relationship and we are working on building on.

From a late discovery adoptee – My experience was quite similar to yours. I discovered that I was adopted when I was 31. Now I’m 57. I think you asked a great question – asking if it’s like grieving. For me, that’s exactly what it was, and it took me a long time to forgive them. They were good parents in a lots of ways. I know they loved me very much (at least my mom) so it was hard to reconcile the fact that people who loved me and who I loved would lie to me about something as fundamental as who I was and where I came from. Like it’s hard to even comprehend. The grief, the loss. What could have been if I’d known and they got me the help I needed. Anyway, a few years after I found out, I decided to try to forgive them. I wanted my kids to have grandparents. And I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing them. Of being an orphan once again. I still go back and forth over it. Most days I don’t even think about it anymore. I’m at peace with it. But sometimes it still pisses me off. I still grieve for what could have been. It takes time. As others have said, being in a group specific to LDAs is a good idea. I think that while we have very much in common with adoptees who have always known, there’s a whole other dimension that only LDAs can understand.

Of course, this can and did go on and on but I think this is enough for today’s blog. If you are on Facebook and are a late discovery adoptee – this is the group mentioned more than once to search on for additional support – LINK>Forum for Late Discovery Adoptees. It is private and I don’t qualify.

What Would You Do

I learned a story about a 25 year old woman, a single mom of a 4 year old son, with stage 4 cervical cancer. She noted that “I don’t have friends or family who can raise my son. My biggest fear is my child ending up in the foster system or with people who are not good or don’t love him.” Intrigued by her story, I went looking further and ended up at her LINK>GoFundMe page (and I’m not in a financial situation where I could help at the moment).

I learned there that she did succeed in getting a 2nd opinion at MD Anderson – “cancer is incurable but treatable. Meaning that, they can only keep my cancer at bay with treatment, but I’ll always have this cancer. He let me know that it will eventually take my life. If treatment works, my lifespan could range to hopefully years. If treatment doesn’t work, I’m likely looking at a couple months to a year to live. They made it definitely known to me the gravity of it all and how it really doesn’t look good. This scared the hell out of me.” Understandably.

She went for a third opinion – His advice to me was to make plans for my son after I pass. Since then, that’s what I’ve been focused on. I’m trying to find an adoptive family that is understanding of my situation. I’m trying to take as much time as possible to get to know and choose the right family. I believe I have possibly found suitable adopters. However, they live in Indiana currently (she lives in Nevada).

In my all things adoption group, it was suggested that she look into Guardianship Assistance Programs. Those programs help you match with a family (usually foster or hopeful adoptive), AND do not terminate your parental rights. The Guardianship Assistance process keeps your identity on all vital records but allows for a custody transfer that you can be a part of as things change for you. The programs can be hard to find and navigate alone. Assistance in doing so was offered to her.

On Facebook, I see she has posted as recently as last month. Sending the healing energy of my heart her way. I cannot imagine . . . but this is a sad reality in our world that happens. In some of my own exploring, I learned about LINK>City of Hope that has been an important help in some difficult cases (like insurance refusing to cover a necessary procedure).