Tag: Good Behavior

Attacked Once Again

This always feels personal to me because my sons have ALWAYS been educated at home.  Mostly we have tried to fly under the radar so that we can continue to do what we believe is best for our own family.  It came to pass that my daughter became frustrated with the school options for my granddaughter in Florida and chose to avail herself of their virtual school offer.  She has since acknowledged that she understands the appeal of control and flexibility that homeschooling offers.  I would be the first to acknowledge that it is not for everyone.  If the parents have to go to work outside their home (we have a home-based business), then it is going to be a real challenge to implement.

One of the more disturbing aspects of educating my children at home has been when a case of child abuse becomes linked to the fact that the parents hid behind homeschooling in order to hide their abuse.  This often brings calls from those who’s attachment is to public schooling for more oversight and regulation of those of us who have made a personal choice.  I am fortunate that the state of Missouri has good supports for homeschooling choice due to a large population of conservative Christians.  I am grateful to them though we are not homeschooling for the same reasons they do.

So today, I read yet again an allegation that everyone dislikes homeschooling because it is a front for abuse as the Coronavirus has forced schools to close and children to stay at home.

Can it really be true that abusers have to wait for an official sanction of homeschooling to cover their abuse of their children ? Or that many people homeschool simply so that they can abuse their children ?

More than once, I have encountered arguments for the advantages of school as required for the socialization of children.  It is not the blind leading the blind (children of a single age group influencing their peers to bad behavior) for my sons.  They have been socialized to the entire spectrum of humanity – from babies to the elderly.  We have often been complimented about how well behaved they are in places where some parents’ children are running around like wild heathens.

In this time of Coronavirus, maybe it isn’t so much about socializing as it is that parents are stressed from being home all day cooped up with their children.  We have always valued every single minute of time that we spend with our sons.

One could ask whether schools in the US just “holding cells” for the dependents of people who have to work or so that they can have their days off free to do as they please, until their children are released to come home from school ?

As long as society is so “intertwined” with our government that people become upset that those who chose to do so can school their own children or judge those that do as doing so to hide abuse or that well intentioned people must protect other people’s children from being schooled at home, nothing will ever change for the better in a society of free people.

Being Good Enough

I think this is how my mom felt, especially when she discovered she was pregnant with me as a junior in high school and all the plans her mother made for her life would never be.

I’m certain that my maternal, adoptive, grandmother wanted to believe that my mom, because she was not causing any trouble, was well-adjusted. Knowing how I was, I can imagine my mom was “relatively” well-behaved at home, was subtle in her wildness, and kept most of her unapproved behavior a secret from her adoptive parents.

Adjustment often means shutting down – creating a “false self”.  It staggers my imagination to understand now that both of my parents, adoptees, lived false identities – that they knew for most of their lives, were not the ones they had been born with.

Many adoptees believe that the child they “become” has to be “better” or they will be abandoned again.  They become people pleasers who constantly seek approval.

As children they may be very cooperative, polite, charming, and generally “good”. Yet, it is now known that locked inside of them is pain and fear. They can never truly bond with anyone because they are not being their true and authentic selves.

They are afraid of showing negative feelings – anger, hostility, disappointment or sorrow. The false self they create is a coping mechanism.

Though they may create a “good” self false persona, many adoptees perceive themselves as less than ideal, defective or bad.  They have a pronounced lack of self-esteem.