What Could Go Wrong ?

Regarding a kinship guardian placement vs temporary foster carer ?

An adoption community acquaintance writes –

I’m supposed to take custody of a relative’s baby tomorrow (hopefully.) The caseworker is coming back out tomorrow to see things are in order for him. He’s been in a foster carer’s home for 5 days and they are already claiming he’s bonded to them and begging the caseworker to keep him. Now I’m scared the caseworker is going to come up with an excuse why he needs to stay with them vs coming to me. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

His mom is on track to start overnights in December with reunification in January. Of course, whatever stuff I have for him, will go with him, when he goes home. He was previously with dad’s mom and she lost custody because she allowed dad to have him unsupervised.

Fostering is about reunification, not adoption.

One responder wrote – THIS is a huge problem for the foster care programs. Does the state/program/whatever get money when an adoption occurs????

Another one noted – 5 days is a transition time, no way to bond enough in that time frame. He is not bonded. He is surviving. He’s clinging to a bit of kindness in the midst of chaos. At five days in, he’s likely still confused every time he wakes up and opens his eyes! When there is family that should always be the only choice. If he can be so “bonded” after 5 days with strangers, imagine how much more bonded he’ll be after five days with FAMILY.

And this advice – Let them know that with you, baby will still be able to spend time with safe relatives, which they wouldn’t be able to do in foster care. (Safe is the key word they will be looking for. They will prefer foster care, if they think kinship will allow “unsafe” interactions.)

And finally, this from experience, a woman writes –

Bonding happens faster with family. My instant “bond” with my daughter was due to her losing her mother and attaching herself to me. She is related to my husband by blood… their connection was unspoken and immediate. Ours was initially her needing me, and later it grew into something deeper. They are confusing bonding with a desperate need for human connection… they could have been anyone and the baby would cling to them after being separated. You might have a true bond that is immediate rather than earned. (I have seen this with my own eyes! My relationship with her is now a true bond and we are very close, but her connection to my husband was just a given.

Humanity’s Messed Up Attitudes

It often boggles my mind – how messed up humanity is when it comes to sex.  It is a global sickness.  When sex is part of a truly loving relationship, it is simply a human reality and need for connection.  That is not what it always is.  Case in point – catholic priests.  Perverse sexuality was also a part of the story in the book Foster Girl by Georgette Todd that I recently reviewed here.

Now to my awareness today comes yet another case and this one involves child pornography, sex with children and foster care all in one.  My heart almost cannot bear up under this but the story is all too real and I fear way more common than it should be.  The news came out related to two arrests.

One was a young soldier and one was an older man who was a former foster parent.  According to statements by the young soldier, he would meet with the older man for consensual sex.  The solider revealed under interrogation that the two discussed engaging in sexual activity with children.  He then claimed that the older man once sent a very young child into the bathroom where the solider was for the purpose of allowing the soldier to have sexual contact with the child.

The arrests came when Homeland Security Investigations found a user of a smartphone communication application posting sexually explicit material featuring children.  Use of cellphone applications and other Internet-based technology by criminals to exchange child pornography is not uncommon.  The older man was a certified foster parent in Arizona from 2002 until January 2015 when his license was suspended.  The reason is protected by confidentiality laws.

It is just too much – all of these details – for my own heart to bear.