Show Hope

Their website seems to be orphan focused. One adoptee was not amused posting – “Yes, raise money not to support a mother but to take her child !” I went looking.

Here is what the LINK>Show Hope website suggests – The care of orphans is a global issue crossing all divides – borders, racial and economic. The cost of adoption can range between $25,000 and $50,000. That is outside the financial reach of most families. Many children who have been orphaned live with mild to acute healthcare needs, requiring access to medical and therapeutic intervention. Many who have the ability to make a difference in the lives of waiting children do not take action because they are unaware of the need or feel helpless to do anything. The photos show white mothers and a diversity of races as to spouse and children.

The organization suggests they are active in 5 areas of outreach – Adoption Aid, Medical Care Grants, Pre+Post Adoption Support, Student Initiatives and Care Center Legacy. How it started – with an 11-year-old girl in Haiti living without the love and security of a family. The parents, Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman, then adopted three times. In February 2003, they formed a 501(c)3 nonprofit with a focus on religiously reducing obstacles to adoption. They even have a “Join Us in Prayer“<LINK at their website.

The couple has experienced loss. Maria Sue Chapman was the youngest daughter (their sixth child). She was adopted from China in 2004. On May 21, 2008, as the result of an accident in their home, Maria Sue passed away. Donations in her memory launched Maria’s Big House of Hope their flagship Care Center in Central China providing care for children with acute medical and special needs.

I don’t know if the adoptee’s criticism was valid or not. I don’t know that this organization is taking children from parents rather than supporting the biological parents in their time of need. I do know there have been a lot of questions about international adoption and the impact of being adopted by a family from a different culture on the child. This is referred to as transracial adoption. Any fund raising with the goal of facilitating adoption has also come under increased scrutiny. I checked with LINK>Charity Navigator who says – Show Hope’s score is 99% based on Accountability and Finance, earning it a Four-Star rating. They advise – “If this organization aligns with your passions and values, you can give with confidence.”

Inclusive Adoption Narrative ?

Short on time today, I googled Christmas Adoptions and found this LINK>5 Holiday and Christmas Movies About Adoption at Adoptions with Love. No personal comments or perspectives today – again no time. Just bringing in the website description.

#2 – The Family Stone

Everett Stone – one of five adult children – brings his girlfriend, Meredith, home to meet the family for Christmas. Nervous and desperate to make a good first impression, Meredith fails to make a positive mark on the family.

One night, around the family table, the uncomfortable vibe in the room comes to a head, when Meredith asks Everett’s brother, Thad, about his forthcoming adoption with boyfriend, Patrick. She asks whether they believe in “nature vs. nurture” in regard to raising a child in a gay household. Questioning herself, Meredith suggests theories that homosexuality may be influenced by one’s home environment. The family works to lighten the conversation and joke that the matriarch, Sybil, had hoped that all three of her sons would grow up to be gay. Meredith questions this statement, suggesting that no parent would really “want that” for their child. Her comments offend Thad and Patrick, and enrage Sybil and family patriarch, Kelly. Sybil and Kelly shout at Meredith, and she runs off from the table feeling awful.

There are many important lessons within this scene. Once Meredith leaves the room, Sybil reminds her son, Thad, how deeply and completely she loves him. Sybil and Kelly are proud of their son. They support his same-sex relationship and are happy to see their child moving toward parenthood and toward the loving choice of adoption.

Meredith did not mean to offend or hurt anyone in the family. She was simply uneducated. She did not understand why her comments were hurtful and how off-base she was in sharing them. This is an important lesson in “listen and learn” when it comes to supporting LGBTQ+ families.

Before the film ends, Thad and Patrick return to Kelly’s house with their adopted child in tow. At the uncomfortable dinner scene, Thad and Patrick are asked whether they have a preference of the race of the child – since they are an interracial couple. They simply answer that they do not care one way or the other. They will love the child no matter the skin color. When the couple arrives with their baby, we see that he is black. This is a great example of a happy and loving transracial adoptive family.

What Would You Expect Me To Do?

Overheard somewhere in America – “What are people supposed to do who can’t have kids biologically? Suffer and never adopt a baby?”

Uh, yes, that is not a reason to adopt. They should go to therapy and learn to manage their grief. Then, they will not be suffering anymore.

Your infertility isn’t an excuse to cause another human trauma and grief. You should find a way to pour your desire into kids without taking them away from their parents.

Adopt a dog or other pet if you want to love and take care of something.

DWI – Deal With It.

Figure out who you are without kids. Plenty of people don’t procreate. Find other things to enjoy. Travel. Etc.

Understand that a baby, yours or someone else’s, isn’t the solution to your problems.

This societal narrative that people have to have kids to be fulfilled needs to change. There are infinite ways one can find fulfillment!

Wanting a child is a natural desire. But taking a child away from the biological mother and brushing away its name and environment is trauma. Adoption is not an option.

The beginning and end of you as a person doesn’t come down to your reproductive organs.

Society as a whole needs to unpack the stigma around not having children. For EVERYONE, including fertile people who simply don’t want to procreate, including people who wanted kids but couldn’t have them. We shouldn’t attach so much grief to not having children. You don’t have kids? Find another purpose. Find other passions.

There are the parents who say you’re selfish for not giving them grandchildren. The random strangers in public saying you make such a cute couple.

Literally – no one has ever died because they didn’t have a child. If your happiness is dependent on another person or on that baby you wish you could have, that’s a major problem. No one else can truly bring you happiness, you have to find that within your own self. Your self worth is not determined by others. If you think it is, that’s not mentally or emotionally healthy.

This really comes down to the mythical elevation of the 2 parent nuclear family with children as the only acceptable family structure and the breakdown of the village/extended family connections. We need to make room for everyone at the table, special friends, aunties, uncles, cousins. The next deeper question is, if I am not part of a family unit with children, what is my place in society? Do I get to be part of a family? That’s real inclusiveness.

Parenting is not a right.