Doing What She Can

Without wading into the complex and fraught issues involved in transracial adoptions (been there, done that, probably one of my most commented on blogs to date), there has long been an issue of white adoptive parents not knowing how to manage their Black child’s hair.

The source of my own blog for today comes from Blavity.com.  Blavity News is a community and website platform for Black voices, stories, creators and thought.

“I saw that this might be something where I can empower them,” Tamekia Swint of Styles4Kidz said.  She had noticed more white parents choosing to adopt Black children.  “They’re not familiar with the [black] hair.”  She started the company in 2010 with three clients. Since then, she’s served more than 500 families. Swint offers several styles ranging from $40 to $150. She also hosts workshops for parents who want to learn how to do their children’s hair.

And running counter to criticisms of transracial adoption, Swint says, “A big misconception a lot of Blacks have about whites adopting Black children is that they don’t care about these kids and that’s just not true.”

One white mother of Black twins living outside the United States is thankful for Styles 4 Kidz because Black hair resources are scarce in her country.  She says, “Adopting these two has been a positive experience for my family. We adopted them when they were five days old.”  The organization also allows her to socialize with other parents.

“I know soon it will be time to send them to school and that is something my husband and I are discussing now,” she continued. “I know there are things I won’t be able to relate to when it comes to Blacks and that’s why I am learning as much as I can, from as many people as I can.”

The kids are also enthusiastic about their new hairdos.

“We give them haircuts and braid hair. You would be amazed how much self-confidence these children gain once their hair is looking good,” said Swint. “Seeing the smiles on their faces when we leave is a wonderful feeling.”

 

Whatever Happened To The Village ?

Modern life can be very isolating.  In adoption circles, it is recognized that the reason many parents, and especially single mothers, lose custody of their child is a lack of support – financial, familial and mental health.

It is more difficult for some parents to tap into support than others. Parents who may be new to a particular community; parents who are raising a child with some sort of mental health or behavioral challenge or health concern; parents who are barely scrapping by from pay check to pay check and who may not have the financial resources to sign their kids up for extra-curricular activities that might otherwise bring them into the orbit of other families; parents who are working unpredictable schedules that make it hard to make plans. All those factors can make it extra challenging to find – let alone connect with – your “village.”

If you’re a parent who is finding it hard to find support in your community, start out by looking for that support online.  Online social networking has been a godsend for me because we live a rural wilderness isolated existence.  Therefore, my mom’s group (formed 17 years ago) keeps me in contact with other mothers sharing some unique and similar impacts of daily living.  Our children are all turning 16 this year and our group started as email exchange threads and eventually migrated to Facebook.  Another useful group for me as I discover the effects that rampant adoption has had on my family is a group that is made up of mothers who lost custody, adoptees, former foster care youth and adoptive parents.  This group is especially helpful for unwed mothers considering the surrender of their baby to adoption after birth.

Once you’ve tapped into online support, you may also find groups focused in your own town, city, county or state that bring with them opportunities to create in person relationships in your community. Maybe you can find an online group for parents and kids in your local vicinity – this offers the best of both worlds.  There you may find instantly accessible online support when you’re looking for that.  And advice in the midst of a really bad day (or even longer night!) which every parent faces at times.  You may find in person events, get-togethers that provide opportunities to meet online acquaintances face-to-face.

For many people, that village of yesteryear simply no longer exists.  Happily for many of us, we have discovered that modern technology is allowing us to find a new way.  Even in dire financial emergencies, there are now online methods of fund raising.  In smaller communities, such as the one I live in there are often jars set up near the cash registers of sympathetic businesses to help some local cause.  In community Facebook pages, one can even inquire about jobs or temporary needs for furniture, appliances, clothing etc after an unfortunate event in a family’s life.

All this to say – it is still out there – support for families in need.  It just looks different now.