Setting The Record Straight

Simone Biles with Ronald and Nellie Biles

There is not a doubt that the support of grandparents is important in every child’s life. The Olympics have brought a renewed emphasis on the story of Simone Biles and how much her grandparents, who adopted her and a sister, have made her life possible when her parents just had challenges that prevented them from being good parents. I wrote about her quite a few years ago here.

Someone who’s perspective I appreciate shared what are for her key points in this story and so, I will share that here today.

1. The entire story focuses on adoption and adoptive parents and never adoptees. Athletes and celebrities have good PR teams around them to create a narrative about them. During the Olympics, this is when you hear the hardships stories because it allows people to create a connection which equals more money. These kinds of hardships stories are seen on talent shows too.

2. Simone was adopted by her grandparents. She has access to her roots, story, DNA. Kinship adoption is different than stranger adoption. The saddest part is the older children were separated from their younger siblings. The grandparents adopted the younger two which is Simone and her sister who were toddlers at the time, the older two were teens.

3. In 2016, an article said her grandmother, who became her adoptive mom, told the kids they can call her mom and be a real family. Simone stated ever since that day she called her grandparents “mom and dad”. How many adoptive and foster parents try to force or ask the children to call them mom and dad ? Another article said kinship should never try to replace the parents because kinship is about keeping connections.

4. The media paints her biological parents as terrible and adoption as amazing. Simone has contact with their biological mother and was part of her life. The media outlining her biological mother’s struggles and bashing her to uplift adoptive parents and adoption was gross. TMZ found her biological mom and she’s doing well now. It’s sad how people’s past, when they were struggling, is used against them. We didn’t need to know her biological mom’s story.

5. I’ve heard former foster youth and current foster youth who are upset that Simone is being used as a poster child for foster care and adoption. After the Rio Olympics, one of my former placements said she’s tired of hearing about Simone Biles because she felt she doesn’t represent the majority of foster kids. A former foster youth, said a foster child will never be an Olympic gymnast and it’s ridiculous to use her to recruit foster parents. Also, this forces the foster child to feel grateful.

6. Simone is an amazing gymnast but she has trauma and struggles with her own mental health. Placing her as a poster child for foster care and adoption, does a disservice to foster kids and adoptees. It also does a disserve to Simone. She’s not here to save the day.

7. Recently, a video has been going around of Simone stating adoption saved her and if it weren’t for adoption and her parents, she wouldn’t be here. The Today Show host Hoda is also an adoptive mom. I can’t say this enough, but if an adoptee says they’re grateful for adoption and their adoptive parents, please don’t use this against adoptees you disagree with or with your own children. Never ever expect your foster and adopted children to feel grateful for you or for adoption/foster care.

Unfortunately the media and public loves a good tragic back story, but Simone’s story shouldn’t be used against foster kids or adoptees. I remember cringing when my local agency said you can foster and adopt the next Simone Biles who made the Olympics. Gross.

Adoption and foster care IS traumatic.

If Simone ever decides to speak about any of her experiences that the public disagrees with or doesn’t tow the party line, she’d be called ungrateful. An adoptee went though this at the winter Olympics after saying she wanted to find her biological family. She said some things about adoption many didn’t like hearing.

I wish her family didn’t go public and allowed her to decide when she wanted to and if she wanted certain things shared. Now that it’s out there, she has to be careful about what she says.

Also, for those fighting reunification just stop. Supporting Simone means advocating for families to stay together. We don’t know where Simone would’ve ended up or who she would have become – if she didn’t have her grandparents to take her in. The majority of outcomes for foster kids are extremely sad. The odds of doing gymnastics as a foster kid are vanishingly very low.

One other note from an adoptee – I am quite sure many Black people do not acknowledge her adoption. It is common in our community for grandparents to step in and raise grandchildren, when the biological parents are incapable. The majority of us from the Caribbean were raised by our grandparents while our parents left for different countries, neglect us or new opportunities. (blogger’s note – in fact it is common in the rural community in Missouri where I live and there are very few Black people living here.)

Adult Adoptees Who Did Good

Spreading a bit of inspiration today to lead optimistic lives – I take a look at a few adoptees (many with kinship or step-parent type adoptions) who made some difference or achieved something worthwhile with their lives.

[1] Babe Ruth – was sent to an orphanage at a young age along with his sister. There he was taught and encouraged to play baseball. Ruth eventually spent 22 record-breaking seasons playing baseball and became one of America’s greatest baseball players.

[2] Eleanor Roosevelt – by the age of 15, Roosevelt was a double orphan. She was then adopted by her grandmother. Roosevelt would become the longest-serving First Lady of the United States, as well as a United States Delegate to the United Nations General Assembly. She has been called the “First Lady of the World” in tribute to her human rights achievements.

[3] Steve Jobs – Surrendered and adopted shortly after birth, Jobs was a successful entrepreneur who became the co-founder, chairman, and CEO of Apple Inc. He has personally been linked to the technological revolution that has swept the world.

[4] Melissa Gilbert – After being adopted as a baby, Gilbert went on to star as Laura Ingalls Wilder on the NBC series, Little House on the Prairie, from 1974 to 1984.

[5] John Hancock – Raised by extended family after the death of his father, Hancock became a prominent Patriot of the American Revolution. His signature is so well-recognized from signing the Declaration of Independence that the term “John Hancock” has become a synonym for signature, which point was made in the Will Smith movie Hancock.

[6] Michael Oher – Adopted at age 17 after spending years in various foster homes, Oher went on to play offensive lineman for the Ole Miss Rebels and then was drafted by the Baltimore Ravens in the first round of the 2009 NFL Draft. He is the main character in the movie, The Blind Side, which won an Academy Award movie.

[7] Nelson Mandela – Raised by a tribe chief after his father’s death (when Mandela was 9 years old), he was President of South Africa from 1994 to 1999. He was the first to be elected in a fully representative democratic election. He was known as a revolutionary, politician, and philanthropist.

[8] Leo Tolstoy – Raised by extended family after the death of his parents, Tolstoy became a famous Russian novelist, short story writer, essayist, playwright, and philosopher. His written work is still widely read today.

[9] Nancy Reagan – After her parents separated, Reagan (born Anne Frances Robbins) lived with an aunt and uncle during most of her childhood. She eventually reunited with her mom and took her stepfather’s last name, “Davis.” She was the First Lady during her husband’s administration.

[10] Dave Thomas – Born in Atlantic City, New Jersey, to a young unmarried woman he never knew, Thomas was adopted at 6 weeks old. At age 5, when his (adoptive) mother died, Thomas moved in with his grandmother. As an adult, Thomas became the founder and CEO of Wendy’s restaurant chain.

[11] Edgar Allan Poe – Born in 1809, Poe’s father abandoned the family in 1810. His mother died the following year. Orphaned, he went to live with the Allan family in Virginia, who then raised him to adulthood. He was an American writer known for his poetry and short stories, particularly his mysteries. He is considered the inventor of detective fiction.

[12] Gerald Ford – Leslie Lynch King Jr was only 16 days old when his parents went their separate ways. A couple of years later, King’s mother remarried and they changed Leslie Lynch King Jr’s name to Gerald Rudolph Ford Jr, in honor of his stepfather (whom Ford says played a wonderful role in his life). Ford was our 38th President of the United States.

[13] Simone Biles – After spending time in and out of foster care, Biles was adopted by her grandparents who helped her pursue her dream to reach the Olympics. As an American gymnast, Biles became the 2016 Olympic individual all-around, vault, and floor gold medalist. As an integral part of the “Final Five,” she is currently the most decorated American gymnast with nineteen Olympic and World Championship medals.

Simone Biles – Kinship Adoption

I am often amazed at who has adoption and/or foster care in their background. Simone Biles spent 3 years in foster care at a young age. Fortunately, her grandfather and his wife made the decision to adopt her when she was six. Biles’ birth mother suffered from drug addiction,. When she was only three years old, her siblings were removed from the mom’s custody along with Simone.

Today, she speaks out as an advocate for other foster youth.

Did you know that in the United States there are nearly 400,000 children and youth in foster care?

Simone Biles views them as 400,000 unrecognized talents waiting to be discovered.

She also notes that only 3% of foster youth ever go on to earn a bachelor’s degree. This is compared to a rate of 30% in the general population. There are academic and emotional challenges that accompany multiple family and school placements over the course of a foster youth childhood.

Although she was young when her foster care ordeal began, she remembers how it felt to be passed off and over-looked. Like nobody knew her or wanted to know her. Like her talents didn’t count, and her voice didn’t matter. Recovering family made her feel like she mattered. Finding a passion, something she loved and was really good at, gave her grace and self-confidence.