Tag: Wealthy Adoptive Parents

Late Discovery Humor

2006 Movie – Relative Strangers

This is NOT a serious blog today but last night we watched the 2006 movie – Relative Strangers. Since Netflix ceased sending us dvds by mail, I visit our local library every Tuesday to return the dvds I checked out the previous week and pick 5 new ones. I selected this movie ONLY because the box suggested a strong adoption related theme.

Though much criticism has been leveled against the movie’s use of “hillbilly white trash” tropes, I did find several aspects “true” to what I know about adoption at this point. I will quickly point out that before I started learning the “realities” after locating all of my actual genetic, biological grandparents in the year following the deaths of both of my parents, who were both adoptees but died knowing next to nothing about their own roots due to closed and sealed adoptions, I was as much in the fog of the feel good stories about adoption as anyone could ever be. Most of my childhood, I believed my parents were actual orphans. I had no idea there were people out there living their lives with no knowledge of me that I was actually biologically and genetically related to.

I do know at least one late discovery adoptee and have read about others, so Richard learning he was adopted after he was already in his 30s seems true enough to reality to me. Also, his adoptive parents have a biological genetic son who is malicious towards his adopted brother. Have read stories like that from actual adoptees as well.

Richard’s effort to discover who his actual birth parents were and his liberal fantasies about that seem to ring true as well. Many adoptees (especially in childhood) fantasize who their original first parents were. His meeting with the actual birth parents also mirrors some of the “failed” reunions I have read about. One of the sweetest moments comes when Richard discovers the heart shaped locket his birth mother wears has an infant photo and the missing button from his teddy bear’s eyes (the only clue to his identity after he was abandoned). 

Also his actual parents reminded me of the biblical story because they cared more about their son’s well-being than their own desire to have a relationship with him. In the biblical story, two women both claim a child is their own. King Solomon orders the baby be cut in half, with each woman to receive one half. The first woman accepts the compromise as fair, but the second begs the king to give the baby to the other. She prefers her baby lives, even without her. Solomon gave the baby to the second woman with the selfless love. This story always tugged at my heart growing up.

As a writer, for me, some of the funniest parts of the movie relate to Richard’s chosen profession as a psychologist who has written a book on Anger Management – “Ready Set Let Go”. Reality, and having to come to terms with that reality, challenge his own method of controlling anger. His real mother and father are his worst nightmare: rude, loud, obnoxious, crude and of a lower class than his snooty adoptive parents. 

As the child of 2 adoptees, I lived some of that strange kind of contrast. My mom’s adoptive parents were a banker and socialite. My dad’s adoptive parents were conservative religious rural down to earth people with very limited financial resources. Until much later in my adulthood, my mom’s adoptive mother was never in the same room with my dad’s adoptive parents (her adoptive father died when I was barely 20 years old). By the time I learned who my original grandparents were, those ancestors I was genetically related to had all died. All I know of them is second-hand, mostly from the cousins I now know I am actually genetically related to and who had real life experiences with those people who conceived my parents.

The Rich Exploiting The Poor

While it may not be meeting a stranger on a street corner and handing them a wad of cash and then, walking away with a newborn, it really isn’t much different – those with the financial means basically “buy” the babies of poorer people. It has been that way since almost Day 1 of the modern adoption industry. Georgia Tann had the belief that by taking the babies of poor people and placing them into the homes of rich people, the children would have a better outcome. She was involved in my mom’s adoption and took the baby of my destitute grandmother, who had been in effect abandoned by my grandfather (they were married and whether that was his intent can be debated but never answered), and sold her to my much more wealthy adoptive grandparents.

In our society, a birth mother offering her child, born or not yet born, for sale is reprehensible but adoptive parents advertising their willingness to adopt or adoption agencies advertising the children that are available for adoption is no problem, as noted in this piece at Adoption Birth Mothers.com LINK>Craigslist: You Can’t Sell Your Baby, But You Can Advertise FOR a Baby by Claudia Corrigan DArcy. In fact, Georgia Tann discovered the value of advertising back in her day.

It is unbelievable how much money is sloshing around in adoptionland. The sad reality is that this country is unwilling to support struggling single mothers or parents to parent their own children. Many an unmarried, unwed mother has surrendered a baby she would have loved to raise because she didn’t believe she was able to effectively support her child. In my all things adoption community, where adoptee voices and personal experiences are highly valued, the group encourages such struggling mothers and parents to give parenting their child a good try. Many find, once they spend time with their newborn, any sacrifice they have to make, any humbling necessary to get the supports they need are well worth it. We see many stories a few years later thanking us for encouraging them.

Just today, I completed a community survey for LINK>East Missouri Action Agency. They take a holistic approach to ending poverty; starting by addressing the most basic needs, eliminating them and applying progressive programs designed to move families into financial freedom. Over 21,000 people received services last year through EMAA’s Community Service programs. You too can find the supports you need, if you just make a determined effort.