Abandonment and Loss


Bonding doesn’t begin at birth,
it is a continuum of physiological,
psychological, and spiritual events
which begin in utero and continue
throughout the postnatal bonding period.

When this natural evolution is interrupted
by a postnatal separation from the
biological mother, the resultant experience
of abandonment and loss is indelibly
imprinted upon the unconscious minds
of these children, causing a primal wound.

~ The Primal Wound – Understanding the Adopted Child

by Nancy Newton Verrier


This was not well understood until quite recently. It’s effect on adoptees is profound, even when the adoptive family is a good one and does everything in the best possible way for the well-being of the child. Some adoptees don’t even realize it’s effects on their own lives until well into adulthood.

In learning to understand this, I was also able to recognize the unconscious wound in a person who wasn’t adopted but had experienced a betrayal of his earliest romantic love. Decades later, an unrelated event sent this person into an emotionally breakdown, when circumstances triggered a fear of another abandonment looming. Though it wasn’t the truth of the situation or the relationship.


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