Breaking the Cycle


Even before I learned about the book “It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn, I was beginning to suspect that what happened to my grandmothers had somehow passed down through my parents to me and my sisters.

Wolynn makes a pretty good argument in his book that it is possible. Consider that the three of us, sisters, were unable to keep custody of nor raise our own children. Well to be honest, I have now broken that pattern. I sometimes joke that I decided rather than die and be reborn, I would just live several lives without having to go through infancy and childhood all over again.

Even so, what are the odds ? – both of my parents were adopted, then both of my sisters give up babies to adoption. I suppose part of the explanation is that adoption was such a normal occurrence in my birth family. Otherwise, our own parents would not have been “normal”.

Yet, even when it wasn’t an official “adoption”, two of the children were raised by someone other than their mother. My daughter was left temporarily with her paternal grandmother, only to end up being raised by a stepmother when her father remarried. My sister’s son was taken from her by a lawsuit initiated by her ex-husband’s parents, who then attempted to turn her own son against her. Too sad.

Thankfully, I do believe our children are breaking this awful pattern that results in mothers and their children becoming separated. The cause, I believe, has been economic and perhaps poor choices in romantic relationships. Our children are managing to keep and raise their children, which is a happy thing.

I also managed to get my own self in better circumstances and have now just about accomplished raising my sons to adulthood with lots of presence from my own self in their everyday lives.

I realize how much of my daughter’s life I missed. Thankfully, we have a good relationship today. Thankfully, she didn’t abandon or reject me.


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