I recently read an essay about “blame” in adoption. Many adoptees struggle with the realities of their childhood. It is not only the adoptee or their original parents who suffer but the people who adopt these children sometimes suffer as well.
Adoptive parents may feel they should be able to take the grief of adoption away for their adopted child or may even wrongly believe they could have somehow prevented it in the first place.
When I met my nephew’s adoptive mother (who is a loving, caring and supportive person in his life), she expressed that she had had such feelings as well. Learning about my youngest sister’s reality, helped lessen her feelings of guilt.
I am able to see how in the case of all of the adoptions in my own family, thankfully, the outcomes have been good. We’ve been extraordinarily lucky that all of the people involved have been good people.
Goodness does not alleviate the suffering. It does not worsen the suffering and that is a kind of blessing under the various circumstances.