Whose Perspective ?

She wonders – “Who explained adoption to my peers ?”

Her adoptive parents always told her she was chosen and special.

Yet her peers thought of her as something that someone bad had discarded.

What had their parents taught them about adoption ?

It could have been not their parents but messages about adoption
and pregnancy in the world surrounding them all.

Really great adoptive parents are NOT all an adoptee needs.

A great deal of the grief an adoptee experiences is the result of
the societal shame associated with being adopted.

It is painful to be seen as unwanted, almost aborted, and needing
to be grateful just because one has been adopted.

~ from The Declassified Adoptee

I know my mom’s adoptive parents felt likewise.  They were over the moon happy with their two children – thought them brilliant and attractive.  They were selected by gender and “supposed” traits (though Georgia Tann played them on that one).

Later in life, my mom had a tense relationship with her mother.  She never felt as though she lived up to her mother’s expectations regarding her life and it was probably actually true.  My mom got pregnant out of wedlock, therefore, she was never the debutante my grandmother probably hoped for.

Societies perspectives on women and chastity and who’s responsible (hint, it’s never the men who impregnate them) all add up to an adoptee’s whose origin story is founded in rape or incest being automatically impure.  What did that baby ever do to deserve such a judgement ?

2 thoughts on “Whose Perspective ?

  1. Oh? “Societies perspectives on women and chastity and who’s responsible (hint, it’s never the men who impregnate them)…” seems to ignore or refuse to mention the fact that in better times the men who impregnated them, if caught, faced immediate reprisals from the women’s families,

    All those jokes about shotguns, shovels, and alibis are based upon how things used to be in better times.


    1. Are you kidding ? Probably not. So men are better off now because they can get away with whatever they want with no worries at all ? Dream on . . . I visited your blog. Let’s just say this is the end of my conversation with you. I won’t approve any more comments.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.