Forbidden Words

One can be human and do really bad/evil things.  This is a sad truth of reality and society.  There is a sickness in men, sadly.  It is as old as humankind and it takes what it wants whether the object of its passion is willing or not.  We give that behavior names, rape, incest.

It becomes complicated when that bad behavior results in the conception of a child.  In abortion language there is often an exception for this situation that allows a women to take away the physical memory embodied as a fetus and go on with her life.  Of course, she will never forget regardless.

Some of these “results” end up being adopted.  Some adoptees have such an unfortunate experience that they wish they had been aborted but not all adoptees feel that way.  In fact, there is no one size fits all when it comes to adoption experiences.

Perpetrators are real people with real problems who do something that healthy people cannot justify. They may have stressors in their life. These may cause them to act out in inappropriate and inexcusable ways. Pretending that men who commit rape are born broken and inhuman takes away the responsibility they should still bear for their actions.

Anyone conceived in rape or incest must embrace their own inherent self-worth and insist upon their human rights.  Know this – what any ancestor did whenever they did that whether it is directly related to a subsequent person or not – this is not who we are individually.

At one time, such an event would have labeled the result a bad seed with flawed genes.  While it is true, we inherit much from our genetic foundation, we also have the free will to make of our own selves what we will.

The #MeToo movement is an effort to bring sexual violence out into the light of awareness so that we can begin to understand how such things happen and why such behavior is wrong and how all of us can do better.

This is not a blog for or against abortion.  It is a plea to give all people, including adoptees regardless of their origin story, human rights – dignity, heritage, truth.

Special ?

A child that has been told he is “special”
will feel that he has to be perfect
in order to retain the love and acceptance
of his adoptive parents.

Whether or not the adoptive parents exert any pressure,
the child may feel a need to live up to unattainable expectations.

Unable to do so, the child may feel inadequate and worthless.

~ The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier

Sadly, some of those children will end up in need of adoption a second time.  It is easy to understand how deeply disrupted this will be for their lives.  Such an experience could leave the child with lifelong doubts about their worth.

To be separated from one’s original mother is always traumatic. But an adoption dissolution carries a significant risk of additional trauma to the child.

Such a child is at high risk for forming insecure attachments and will have difficulty trusting adult caregivers.  May have difficulty maintaining any caring relationship once they are mature.

Is it any wonder ?